Please reassure me about settling in at nursery!

[Joneseygirl77]

My dd1 is nearly 9 months old and she will be going to nursery ft from mid March. She will be 11 months old when she starts ft. I decided to ease her in gently by starting her a day a week for Dec, 2 days per week for Jan and 3 days per week for Feb. Partly to get her used to it and to allow me to do some kit days.

I'm really pleased with the nursery we've chosen as it's nice and homely and her key worker is lovely. We're having a few issues with settling in though. She did her taster sessions fine and then was ill on her first full day so ended up going later that week. She's then done another 3 full days before Christmas. She's has nearly 2 weeks off over Christmas. At each morning drop off she cries when I leave her. They tell me she settles down after I've gone and she is getting quicker at calming down. She then usually cries before they out her down for her naps but she does this at home too. She also always cries when one of us goes in to collect her at the end of the day. It's usually just a quick protest for 1 min max and then she's fine. However we haven't had her doing long days- generally 8.30-3 so far. She has been fine when she's there apparently and plays well but she is one of the youngest on the baby room.

The nursery called me today at 2.45 to say she'd been quite unsettled all afternoon and had been smiling one min and crying the next and that she hadn't eaten much lunch. They seemed to think she was teerhing and wanted to give her calpol. We were collecting her at 3 anyway so I said no. She cried on collection for 10 secs but had obviously been crying more as she was hiccuping (she does this When she's had a crying fit) but she was fine when she got home.

She is our pbf so I am always over anxious about things! Please no judgments about sending her full time as I need I go back to work ft and we don't have anyone who can look after her. I don't want to send her to a child minder either so that isn't an option.

Does all of the above sound normal for settling in though? And how long will it take for the crying to stop? I feel so guilty dropping her off and I also feel that I've made her very clingy to me too as I ebf her too and she's never taken a bottle or stayed away from me overnight so far.

Just need to know I will be able to go back to work full time so
please reassure me that it will get better and is there anything I can do to help her settle in? Did anyone else experience this?

Thanks xx

[Solasum]

I went back to work full time when DS was 4 months old and he went to nursery. He has yet to stay away from me overnight.

I know it is horrible to think of your LO crying without you, but honestly in a nice nursery like you describe, she will have been getting lots of attention, of course it takes time to get used to not being with mummy all the time. Fwiw, when our nursery have called me saying teething etc, they have always been right. They have seen a lot of it in their time after all!

So hang on in there . It will get easier for both of you. If there is any chance of your working a shorter day then catching up some hours in the evening once she is sleeping, I would really recommend this. I love my couple of hours of playing with DS before bed, and would be miserable without it.

[Solasum]

It sounds counterintuitive, but in a way I think doing more days will be easier for her, as the nursery setting will be more familiar. Just one a week is little enough that it feels like a scary new place every time.

[Joneseygirl77]

Thank you. Yes I did wonder if it'll be a bit easier on her when she's there more.

I just feel so so guilty for leaving her when she's upset. I know in the long term it'll do her good but so hard at the mo!

My dh and I work from home at least 2 days per week so I'm going to make sure I finish early on 2-3 days per week so I can spend some time with her. I doubt she'll be in till 6pm much as one of us will always try to get her early if we can.

[BotBotticelli]

It will definitely get better. DS went 4 days per week (8-5) when he was 11mo. He settled it quickly (within 3 weeks he had stopped crying at drop off) because he went so frequently. The babies that only went 2 days per week took lots longer to get used to it.

A wise friend said to me: just because she cries/doesnt like you leaving her at nursery, it doesn't mean she doesn't like it there. She will have a great fun day, and will get lots of cuddles and have lots of fun as she grows old. She just doesn't like the physical act of you leaving. once you're gone she will be fine.

Sounds weird but it really helped me, and was certainly true with DS. Even now he occasionally has a day when he's a bit teary or clingy when I am trying to leave, but 1 minute later I look through the window and he is bossing the other kids around, going down the slide, or eating an enormous breakfast. he is literally fine.

kids are very adaptable, and at 11mo as long as her needs are being met and she has cuddles/affection from a friendly person she will be fine. It's you that will find the separation more difficult at first. But you too will get used to it, and I bet within 3 months of being back at work, you can't imagine life being any different.

And when your LO is 2, like my DS, and he chats away at teh weekend about his favourite 'aunties' from the nursery, and his little friends from his room, you'll know you've made the right choice.

Oh, and brace yourself for an onslaught of illnesses :( DS started nursery in novermber and he pretty much had a constant cold until April :( I had to take a day per month on average off work cos he was too poorly to go to nursery, if I recall. But it's better this time around (second winter).

[Joneseygirl77]

So true! I'll definitely bare that in mind when dropping her off. Hoping when she's up up 3 days that'll make a difference too.

Tbh I think she's in a difficult period at the mo as she's quite fussy about everything and she's definitely massively in the throws of separation anxiety too ?? Hoping it will all get better over next 3 months as she's gets closer to 1.

Oh yes we've already had 2 colds from nursery in 6 weeks so I'm expecting more...roll on summer!

[WorkingBling]

Like
The other posters have said, it will probably get easier when she goes more often and more regularly.

One thing, I would be inclined to allow calpol if suggested. In my experience child care providers don't just give calpol for anything and if they recommend it I would assume it's really needed. I signed the form saying they can give ds calpol if necessary without calling me. They have done so just once in 18 months.

[mommathatwearspink]

This sounds like settling in and very similar to my DD (9 months) who started nursery on Monday. She only had two 2hr taster sessions before Christmas and as of Monday she is attending 0800-1800hrs four days a week.

She cries when I leave her and cries when she sees me when I come to pick her up. She has also been a bit off her food (probably down to cutting teeth too). However nursery report that during the day she is happy... she plays happily, babbles, giggles and always has a smile on her face. We are extremely happy with our choice of nursery and know she is happy there.

It is so heartbreaking leaving them isn't it... I have really struggled this week as I have returned to work full time. It will get better and it will of course take time for our DDs to settle as after all it is such a massive change for them too. As long as you are 100% happy with your choice of nursery, your DD will be happy too

[Nolim]

I just want to add that you shouldnt feel guilty about working full time. If someone judges you for that its their problem, over time your dd will adjust nicelly.

[LostMySocks]

My DS is in nursery 3 days a week. He started at 11months. He cried a little at drop off when he started. But he also cries when I leave home leaving him with DH to do drop off and vice versa so I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't like the person who does the most fun stuff at the time leaving. Agree with comment above. He definitely likes nursery as he's happy on the way in and waves to everyone. Just doesn't like me leaving but is fine when he sees breakfast.
Try and be really positive as you arrive at nursery so that your DD doesn't pick up your nervous vibes. Ask if she's had a good day - don't say you've missed her.
My DS was ebf and still has night feed so don't worry it doesn't necessarily make settling harder

[Joneseygirl77]

Thanks all for your kind words and reassurance. Seems like I'm not alone. This is what happens when your baby is your pfb!