Confused and stressed

(17 Posts)
Strugglingforaname Fri 15-Mar-13 23:03:07

I thought I had found a really great nursery for my baby I will be going back to work in 3 weeks. My baby is 11 months 2 weeks old but she is walking and I think advanced for her age. On first settling in day she was not going to be in the room I thought 4-15 months but in room for 15 months -2 years this freaked me out a little but then felt positive as she could learn from older children. She has only been there for an hour an a half each time but yesturday she came home with a cut/graze on her head and they could no tell me how it happened and today she had a big bump on her head as she was left alone on the chair at the table for lunch. She has only ever used high chair with 5 point harness at home and they are aware of this.
My baby has been in tears for 2 days. I arranged a play date with my friends children who she meets up with very regularly and loves playing with but today she was running away back to me crying like she is scared.
I have been told that the interaction with the other children is nice they all have been kissing her and calling her baby. She is very small in size 3-6 month cloths. I don't know whether she is overwhelmed and how can I approach the key worker to say just because she is physically developed she is still a baby and needs supervision with new activities so she doesn't get hurt also I don't think she enjoys the physical contact at the moment.
I feel sad I have to go back to work but new to know my baby is going to be safe. Am I over worrying?

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ceeveebee Fri 15-Mar-13 23:11:29

Sorry that you feeling stressed - I hated the thought of going back to work but the anticipation was much worse than the reality - once I started, I immediately realised I'd made the right decision. But you need to be very happy with the childcare in place otherwise it will be worrying for you.

Could you not ask them to put her in the room for the younger age group?

HappySunflower Fri 15-Mar-13 23:16:02

Can you spend some time in the nursery with your daughter, to get a bit of a feel for things?
If also be asking why she's not I'm the room with children of her own age, although I guess she'd be moving up in a few months anyway.

Trust your instincts. If you feel, after spending some time there, that you're not confident she's in the best or right place, then look around a bit more, or consider a childminder, perhaps.

Strugglingforaname Fri 15-Mar-13 23:16:28

I have but they said because she is walking and developmentally at the same level as the 15 months she will be better in that room. She hasn't had a full day yet but I want my happy baby back! Hoping its just a settling in phase the nursery's ethos meets everything I want and they can talk the talk but something just doesn't feel right.

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Strugglingforaname Fri 15-Mar-13 23:18:58

Happy sun flower. I was there with her on Wed but for 45 mins I felt they wanted us out quite quickly. I was thinking of staying for a bit in the afternoon on Monday but not too sure how they will react to that.

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HappySunflower Fri 15-Mar-13 23:20:46

Being honest it doesn't always feel right anyway, even in the best nursery ever. Walking away and leaving your child with strangers is a very, very weird thing to do!
That said, if its something with the nursery itself that's unsettling you, well, think about that a bit more.
It sounds as though the quality of care might be lacking a bit.
My daughter had lots of bumped head incidents after she started walking, so accidents are to be expected, and with a 1:3 staff to child ratio, they won't all avoidable, unfortunately.

HappySunflower Fri 15-Mar-13 23:22:09

A nursery not keen for parents to stick around rings alarm bells for me.....
Unless, of course, it is more unsettling for the child, but it sounds as tough you staying cold help your little girl to feel more settled.


Strugglingforaname Fri 15-Mar-13 23:24:21

Is it ok to say if she is in a chair with out a harness that they stay with her until she is used to it and to ask for the other little ones to stop kissing and swamping her at the mo?

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BendyBusBuggy Fri 15-Mar-13 23:26:27

My ds1 was 11 months too when he started nursery and they wanted to put him into the second room to spare him the transition which would normally have happened at 12months. I asked for him to be put in the baby room and still think this was the right choice. Very few babies start nursery when they're tiny now, so baby rooms tend to have mostly older babies anyway. The baby room seemed to me to be better suited for nap patterns and toys as even if they're early walkers they still want to play with toys for 11 month olds and not toys for children twice that age.

HappySunflower Fri 15-Mar-13 23:27:40

They should certainly be strapping her in to a chair at her age and stage of development.
If she is feeling overwhelmed by the other children, then yes, I'd expect them to be supervising to the extent that that's avoided as much as possible. They will still interact with her of course, but in a less hands on way, hopefully!

Strugglingforaname Fri 15-Mar-13 23:33:06

I'm going to have another chat with the manager I think on Monday maybe write everything down so I don't get so flustered.

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BendyBusBuggy Fri 15-Mar-13 23:37:00

When i first went back to work someone at work told me:"the first six weeks are hell, but when your child is settled at nursery you'll settle at work and it will get better." She was right, it was hell and it did get better.

Strugglingforaname Fri 15-Mar-13 23:46:24

I'm hoping It will maybe I was optimistic that she only needed 2 weeks before I went back to work. I'm supernumerary for first 2 weeks I go back so hoping things will be better by then as my job is quite stressful as well not really looking forward to frontline NHS again!

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Tanith Sat 16-Mar-13 08:49:23

It sounds to me as though, just because she's walking and advanced in some things, they are assuming she is advanced in all areas of her development: that's why they have her in the older room (always supposing it's not due to staffing levels!), and why she wasn't strapped into her chair.

It sounds rigidly inflexible and as though they don't really understand about child development.

In your place, I would insist that she goes into the correct room for her age and, if they won't do this, I'd take her out.

TripleRock Sat 16-Mar-13 09:10:33

My 13 mo went into the baby room when she started. I was glad, as I felt it was a softer transition and they were more flexible with things like nap time routines, whereas toddler rooms tend to be on the 'one nap after lunch' routine which DD wouldn't have been ready for. Also the other children were less boisterous and I think I would have been concerned about her being knocked over by other older toddlers.

Bearing in mind some of those children will be 2 years old, I wouldnt be happy with that. I would ask why she can't go in baby room, is it full or something?

Regarding the bumps and scrapes, although it's to be expected from time to time, I think its odd they couldn't tell you what happened, especially for a child who is on settling in sessions. You would have thought they'd be taking extra care. The high chair thing as well, it seems like they want to push her on before she's ready. Whats their rush? Start her in baby room and she can move up in a few months when shes found her feet?

Fightlikeagirl Sat 16-Mar-13 14:38:36

Was going to say the same as Tanith, she may be advanced in her physical skills but doesn't mean her emotional and personal development are more mature too.
Are you sure they haven't put her in the next room because the baby room is full? This often used to happen in nurseries I've worked in, unfortunately the mangers often have pressure on them from head office etc to not turn down children even if they don't have the room and they then used to have to shuffle the children around to make space, often meaning a child moved to an older room before they were properly ready.
Not saying this is happening here but could be.
I would ask them to start her in the baby room. And also is the key worker taking her from you in the morning and trying to develop a bond with her? That's an important part of a key workers job, to settle the child, creating a bond to ease the child into nursery life.
If you really don't feel happy then you should try somewhere else ( or a childminder, but I maybe biased there though as I am one!)
Good luck, hope it all works out well. smile

ReetPetit Sat 16-Mar-13 17:09:57

it sounds as though they don't have room for her in the baby room so have put her straight into toddlers. insist that you want the baby room - walking or not, i don't think an 11 mth old would be able to hold their own in a room full of 2-3 yr olds. also the ratio isn't right as you have found out the hard way, ie, the accidents.
the not trapping her in the high chair is ok I think, I use a normal chair for my 11 mth mindee and he has a couple of bumps with me as he is forever climbing around but they should know how she is injuring herself and ideally she shouldn't be doing it at all!
Have you considered looking at other nurseries? or childminders?
nurseries are not suitable for little ones really ime.

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