Should DP be worried?

[scissorhands]

my partner is living between his mothers, friends and sisters house hes a brilliant worker and brilliant dad the only thing is hes struggling to have his children due to shift work and nowhere really to have them stay as it gets to much for his mother. His ex has now taken things to the mediation and he is so worried I have offered to let them stay with me and my daughter when my partner finishes his night shift fri to sun it will either be once a month or twice a month pending on how many weeks In the month, also over school holidays he will have them a little more, hes now panicking that this wont be good enough but it's the best he can do until he can either afford his own place or move in with me.. I am just wondering has anyone else been in this situation?

[HennyPennyHorror]

Is he working full time? If so, why hasn't he got his own place? If he's working part time then he needs to up it to full. Even then, there are benefits to help with rent if he works part time.

He could get a one bed flat cheaply....unless you live in central London?

[scissorhands]

Yes full time worker plus has to work over time to owe hours back.. he cant afford his own place as ex had an affair and left him in alot of debt plus he pays child maintenance every week for 3 dc

[scissorhands]

If he went on council he will be waiting a long time

[IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]

How long have you been together?

There is absolutely no way on earth I would let my children ( and didn't) stay with the partner of my ex if it was a new relationship.

[Singlenotsingle]

So why has the Ex gone to mediation? No one can make him have the dc if he's got nowhere for them! And there are 3 of them! I'd be very careful if I were you - if he came to live with you, that's four extra people and you'd probably going to get lumbered with looking after them all!

[IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]

Also ... do you know the children?

What is your relationship with them?

The needs of the children are paramount, you cant really put children in this situation without being 100% sure its in their emotional best interests.

Its also not your responsibility to sort out - its their fathers.

[Ginlinessisnexttogodliness]

Why on earth have you offered this?

There are so many questions. How long have you been together, do you know the children, jsut the start of them.

If he’s a brilliant dad then he should have refused your mind but ill considered offer. He needs his own home and a job which fscilitstes over nights and provide a stable second home for his children.

None of that is down to you

[Ginlinessisnexttogodliness]

Sorry for the typos.

[HennyPennyHorror]

He should see a debt advisory service. The thing is with debt, that you can arrange affordable payments. It should not be taking up most of his income unless it's for something like council tax which tends to be court ordered.

Debtline can help him rearrange more affordable payments...or the CAB.

[scissorhands]

I don't think people are understanding were I am coming from so here goes. We have been in a 2 and half year relationship he currently had the children every other weekend at his mothers house or my house. But due to work shifts and owing hours back he has had to swap weekends as he would have to work some weekends without a choice.. unfortunatly they sometimes landed on his weekend with the dc. he would always make up for this by having them on his "off" weekends.. it's got to much for his mother as she is only in a very small house. He has 3 dc. We have worked out the weekends hes able to have them that wont be affected by work are after his week night shift so fri to sun which falls once a month or twice a month pending on how many weeks In the month. I am very close to his children and he is to my dd. I have offered to help by letting him and dc stay on those weekends. With my circumstances at the minute my DP does not live with me but we are hoping one day to live together. He pays child maintenance every week and we take them out to treat them when we do see them. They love spending time with there father.. I live in a 3 bed house so I have tried to make the spare room as homely as possible for them (a boys room) its does get very crammed at times plus one of his dc is autistic so we do have difficult times and try to give him the space he needs. His ex and her partner has done some terrible things to us and after these years still haven't gave up playing games and there has been threats,tormenting, turning up at work places, stalking us harassing us smashing my car up. You name it they have done it. The day my partner told her he doesn't want her back is the day she started making his life hell. Not only his but his mothers and family members. Shes now using the dc against him and has stopped him from seeing them this isn't the first time because she now has no control over him and she cant live with it!

[HennyPennyHorror]

He needs to get his own place. He should have got his debt repayments down to manageable levels.

He should call debtline.

[scissorhands]

His ex didn't like these changes even though he still has them just the same by having them the following weekend and he would let her know in advance. Would you be happy with the weekends I have stated? As he is in mediation soon

[scissorhands]

He cant afford his own place his money goes to debt or his children the only option is council but that will be a long process because hes not exactly homeless and by that time hopefully we can move in together

[HennyPennyHorror]

Scissor there are support services which will help him to lower his current repayments.

I've done it for clients myself. www.nationaldebtline.org/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw6cHoBRDdARIsADiTTzYG5VPNW7xUU-oE23ZP5KNI7hMYQBOHhaVeUYvsK2RpHPiCWC1usYgaAj1mEALw_wcB

Tell him to call these people. They will help him lower his payments and free up his money.

[IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]

He needs to contact Stepchange ... they are an organisation that work with the companies who the debt is owed to - they can arrange for the debt to be paid back without the interest on and also at a much more affordable repayment.