Dealing with toxic family

[LilyRose17]

Hi, I've finally come to the end of a very long rope literally trying to deal with a family member who has been very critical to the point of verbal abuse about my dh and I's parenting of our dd.

It came to ahead last week when the fm said some extremely hurtful things. Our dd has some difficulties that this fm refuses to acknowledge in anyway. They are basically accusing me of making it up so as to get additional help and that I want dd to have these difficulties so that I can keep her a baby. This family member went so far as to suggest I have Munchausen's by proxy. This is completely ludicrous but it's very hurtful. Just writing this is getting my blood boiling again.

It's not possible to cut this person out of our lives but any advice on how to deal with them much appreciated.

[sugarcoatedthorns]

Tell them! They are being direct and so could you. There's little chance they will listen of course so be prepared, and maybe, knowing you know ur own situation better than anyone else, ignore it completely, or just tell them if they've nothing useful to say, they should stfu!! shut the fuck up

Another possibility is for this FM to spend some practical time around your DC to actually experience it for themselves.

I guess it boils down to how much this FM matters to you. If they are not close, I'd go the stfu route tbh!

Warmest wishes for your challenges

[sugarcoatedthorns]

There is nothing more frustrating and infuriating. I've had it from professionals and family, and in the end you just have to go your own way, there's no talking some round.
One professional rowed with me in front of one DC over my experience of difficulties buying shoes with Velcro straps over as they were never long enough to do up over DC exaggerated foot arch, due to a medical condition, she was a physio and absolutely denied what I was saying. My DC and I were absolutely flummoxed! We'd spent years trying to get these types easy-do-up shoes in the early years. DC ended up in tears and shaking because of the way this physio was treating me. It's pretty common, doubting DM's. I've had it with docs too, who refused to accept how il another DC was with glandular fever. I added up all the consults prior to diagnostic blood test, 22! What a waste of NHS funds

[LilyRose17]

Thanks both for your responses, this person means a lot to me and my DC. It's been a horrendous week, I had hoped fm would call to apologise but not a peep, even after me popping in on her DC, they asked me to before the row to help out. I know I have to let it go but it's upset me so much.

[sugarcoatedthorns]

I had a situation with an in-law who had a right go at me over another family member of mine who was a nasty, controlling piece of work.

In the end, the family member showed true colours to the in-law and in-law apologised profusely.

I hope it works out for you.

It's a good thread to put on relationships or special needs (not asking for details)

There is lots of support over there.