Teenager 16 wont go to school !

[Cazturn1972]

My 14 year old ds has been at a pru for a year as he refused school after a year of difficulties with other children bullying and the schools lack of understanding or support. 3 years of troubles. Now we are still not perfect and he struggles with depression and anxiety but we get support from the pru and camhs.
NOW my eldest (16) ds has been refusing school this will be week 3. We went to GP who believes its due to low mood and his severe acne. He wont talk to me, wont leave his room let alone the house.
5 years ago their father and i separated and i believe it had a lasting effect on them. My eldest has never wanted to talk about it (their father ended up in mental health facility as he had breakdown) they didnt see him properly for 3 years.
My eldest was given a sick note which runs out tomorrow so he either has to go back to school, get another sick note or i get prosecuted (he has less than 90% attendance and is being monitored).
He wont tell me anything, he just keeps saying 'i dont know what you want me to say!' i cant tell if hes ready to go back or not as hes not left his room or engaged with me at all. Im really at the end of my tether here. My own MH is on the line and im desperate to help him and my 14 year old but its like walking in a minefield with them.
I also have a 10 year old ds who needs me and i have barely anything left in the tank for him or my partner.
I dont know what im asking for. I just need some help.

[Yonimumster]

Went through similar experience.
Homeschooled .( Because I had the time).Online tutorials are often free, and I found my Daughter needed me less and less asshebecame a self motivated learner. 3-4 hrs a day is plenty.
My Daughter has now been accepted onto a College Course.( I Yr Pre-University).
No State exams sat.
She will continue onto a third level Degree course in a year.
I never thought it would happen , her social life thrives at weekends and her emotional stability and confidence have shot up.
Take heart.
Im in Ireland so maybe it is a different set up in UK.

[LynetteScavo]

I'd get the 16yo signed off until Easter if possible. That will give you both time to breath.

I would make it clear to him he does need to go in to school after Easter, as he needs to sit his GCSES. Then I would back if from talking to him about school fir now. It's probably just making him more anxious. Does he have plans for next year?

Did the GP prescribe anything for his acne?

[Foxbox10]

This is the first time on this site. My son is doing GCSE’s. We are lucky because the school is very supportive, but the pressure comes from within him. He is very dyslexic and this is a pressure point for him, where he finds everything very difficult. 5 weeks ago he started self-harming, I went to the GP and was referred to CAMHS. 3 weeks ago it became acute, due to a CDT folder deadline and the Art GCSE, happening at the same time. We ended up in hospital the first time and were then referred to the highest level of CAMHS. Then it escalated again. This time we thought he had broken his fingers. We went back to AandE and I begged, desperately for him to be admitted. We were and the paediatric ward were a moment of peacefulness. He was still self harming, but we felt that we had help. I signed myself off and we managed to get through the Art. He wanted this more than anything. We are now in CAMHS and are going through an assessment process, for underlying issues. There are some, but as a primary school teacher and everything we are going through I ask you this. Are exams worth it? At what cost do our children have to succeed in the exam system? This is only the beginning for us and it will get worse again before therapy really begins to work. Children are being put under intense pressure, whilst Adolescent Mental Health Services are being cut. It’s a toxic sandwich which will ruin children’s lives. I will reflect after this and I will be angry. Then I will campaign for change, because the well-being of children’s lives are being put a risk.

[LynetteScavo]

Hello @Foxbox10

You maybe better off starting your own thread ...look I the topics section..maybe try Child Mental Health under the Health topic?

Your child's safety has to come before exams....he needs to understand not doing particularly well in his GCSEs isn't a huge disaster. Because, really, it isn't.

[Foxbox10]

I am beginning to speak to other mums about this and yes. I agree, but how did we get here?

[Debbie51]

Change if you're son's diet can help his acne, for sure, also getting tanned can help him.