New. I feel like I can't speak to anyone about this...

GP11xx · 2017-09-21 22:03:13

Hi there, I am new here but have followed mumsnet for years as it seems to pop up and answer most of my google questions! I just need a some advise before I go loopy. I'm so upset and unsettled at the mo, and it's that time of night where I feel really lonely, so any advise or just a hello would be appreciated. To start with, my partner has just moved abroad for 6 months to Ireland. I knew this was coming for a good 6 months so it wasn't a shock. It's just been up and down and he was meant to be going to the US, Dubai etc and we really didn't know where he'd be posted for this project. Anyway, it turns out it's Ireland which is a much better option than the US or Dubai. I've had to stay here for work and study, and he'll be back at Christmas time ish. He's been gone roughly 6 weeks, and I've not felt like I've missed him, ive even pushed him away to somebody degree, like I was in denial that he's even important to me. I think that's a way of me dealing with the fact I actually realllly miss him but I'm too proud to admit it as I know so many others have got it so much worse. Tonight, it's hit me bad. I feel deep deep sadness. My partner and I have not lived together yet but we lived about 5 mins from each other before he moved. I have since moved away from that area and am living with my friend and her son (sort of lodging) and I miss my old life sooooooo much. I miss my partner and I miss how easy things were. I also miss my friends and the area I used to live in. I miss everything about my old house and my old life, and I only live 20 mins up the road so what the hell is wrong with me! The other issue is, is that I'm struggling to live under someone else's roof. I've been staying with my friend for roughly 5 weeks now and still don't feel totally comfortable. Her child is spoilt and I really struggle with that, but wouldn't dream on commenting on how he treats her or how she spoils him. She's a lovely friend with so many great qualities, but she's also a reasonably wealthy yummy mummy who doesn't work and watches box sets all day. And can I just add here that she watches them on the tv downstairs soooo loud that I can clearly hear it in my living area, but I'm too embarrassed to say anything as it's her house! The other thing here I may add is that she gets her son ready for school in the morning soooo loudly. I get that they can't be silent, but there are doors slamming and shouting or watching tv loudly again at 7 in the morning. This doesn't bother me on the days I have to work and study as I'll be getting up before them anyway, but on a rare day off I'm woken up and it's really starting to bug me as I think that's relatively inconsiderate. And to top it off, the main road behind my bedroom is relentless and keeps me awake and wakes me up. I was going to live alone but I'm prone to depression and when I get depressed I get anxious and living alone would have made that a lot worse because I would have isolated myself (no one knows I suffer from depression and anxiety, other than a therapist I'm seeing weekly). What I'm trying to say is...I miss my old house, it was quiet and I miss my partner being around, I miss my friends being close, I miss the quiet road and the freedom I had to just do what I wanted and when I wanted. My living arrangements are temporary (until may/June 2018). How can I settle in and let the past go and be strong. I keep crying and don't want to talk about it with anyone as I fear coming across as ungrateful, as the house I'm in now is stunning, my living quarters are beautiful and the area is so much nicer. There's also puppies here and I have always wanted puppies so why aren't I happy!!! Please someone shed some light and give me a pep talk..anything to stop me being a brat! Xxxxx Thanks in advance xxxx

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