Domestic violence

[LinziB87]

Hi! 2 weeks ago the police came and arrested my now ex partner as he punched me in the face in front of my 12 & 13 year old. He's been vile in the months leading to this and isn't the first time he has been violent. He's also been financially and emotionally abusive. He's been released pending further investigation and they are hoping to charge him with 2x assaults on me. 1 on my 12year old son, criminal damage and threatening behaviour. The thing is he has been going about town telling literally anyone he can that I punched him and then punched myself!! Now I am terrified to go give evidence in court when the time comes. The police say they have a good case against him but can't say what his punishment may be. Anyone have any clue with this type of thing? Bear in mind he is in the army also.

[rizlett]

linzi - it's pretty normal in this type of case for the abuser to say it was everyone elses fault and /or to turn the story round. The police and justice system will know this. I am not sure how long it will take to get to court but hopefully someone will be along soon who will be able to help more.
In the meantime perhaps consider getting some support from //www.womensaid.org.uk

[LinziB87]

Ive been in touch with women's aid already. Just worried although the accusation of me punching myself is hilarious I'm glad they will be able to see through it. Thanks

[Klmsb]

Hi, i can imagine how scared you must feel but don't worry. They won't believe him and the anxiety you feel is likely trauma , something abusers take advantage of as it makes you vulnerable. I've been in a similar position though managed to get him to plead guilty on the day....only because he wanted to play to good guy in front of my dad . He still thinks he didn't deserve community service . The good thing is, its not him that needs convincing but the judge...and if he doesn't plead guilty and is found guilty (reckon he will be, 100%, cause who would ever believe his ridiculous story?!) He will likely get a prison sentence. Whether or not he learns his lesson is another matter. I wish you and your kids all the best. X

[LinziB87]

There's no way on this earth he will plead guilty I know that for a fact he's a complete narcissist and uses the fact he's in the army to his advantage. Well I suppose if the police didn't believe me then they wouldn't be taking it further :) me and children are fine just glad to be rid now

[Jaxsie]

You need to let the army know you are presssing charges too. That will bring him down a peg or two. Glad you are in a better place.

[ClareceAL]

Hi LinziB87! I'm new here and looking over topics and read your story. I'm so sorry to hear what you've experienced with the abuse from your significant other and I noticed in another comment you are aware he is a narcissist. About four years ago, following my divorce from a long-standing marriage, I was in a very naive and vulnerable state and got ensnared unknowingly with a narcissist. (I did not even know what that was really). I have not suffered physical abuse but I got my dose of emotional abuse, gaslighting, sexual degradation, etc. It became a very low point in my life.I had never dealt with someone who could be so caustic and cold with a true Mr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde persona. What helped more than my therapist I was seeing for 12 months, was stumbling onto the blog of HG Tudor, a self-proclaimed malignant narcissist and amazing writer. He covers every topic from seduction, golden period at the onset of a relationship, to devaluation and discard. He has articles specifically for dealing with your Narc in court, being smeared in public socially so you appear to be the aggressor provoking him. If you go to //www.narcsite.com, I promise you, that you will find something that could help you in dealing with the aftermath with the authorities and him. The readers who comment provide great support too. I wish you peaceful days for you and your children!!

[Lou68kennedy1]

For reassurance contact his commanding officer. I am ex military and his Co may not be fully aware of what has happened. Woman's aid are brilliant, have you been in touch with their advocacy service? They will also be able to advise you on all aspects. Good luck you have the strength ☺️

[LinziB87]

His unit know everything. The police even rang them and let them know when he barged into my house the day after being released. He won't be charged by the army until civvy court is dealt with though! Hopefully it'll be more severe there xx

[Lou68kennedy1]

The army do take a strong view, if he doesn't face jail time in civvy court he will in court marshal as well as being dishonourabley discharged. Xx

[LinziB87]

Well fingers crossed they all see through his bullshit and realise I'm not actually a crazy pathological liar who hits herself 😂 Xx

[Lou68kennedy1]

Good luck and stay strong ☺️☺️☺️