Third child trying to decide(5 Posts)
Hello, am new here, looking for some advice! My husband and I are discussing having a third child, and because we can each fully appreciate the other's viewpoint, actually coming to a decision is proving difficult. I am the driving force as I have a strong instinct to have another, and am largely emotionally led in all the major decisions I make. My husband is overridingly practical about his decisions and thinks very carefully about any important choices he has to make. Essentially, although he says part of him very much sees the positives in having another baby from a purely emotional standpoint (ie the idea of having a larger family) he is struggling to reconcile those feelings with the knowledge of all the inevitable practical changes and emotional pressures it will entail. He has suggested that I try and compile a list exploring the reality of these issues - ie how will having another child ACTUALLY impact upon our lives? Any thoughts? Perhaps from people who already have 3! I don't want to 'convince' him to have another, but I need to make him realise I have fully taken on board what the reality of having three (in a practical and emotional sense) actually is! What is it really like having three? X
Three is an awesome number. Quite common where I live for families (suburbs) to have 3. People carrier is a must, camping is great and easy with a mini tribe. Board games become more interesting as you have more personalities Yes it's loud and boisterous in my house, we are always running around but we also still have duvet days. If it feels right go for it
What age are the other two? Are all of the arrangements (care/nursery/school/clubs etc) in place covering the other two able to cope the additional child. (for example, the inevitable MN question - is you husband doing enough of the cleaning?). Can you afford it? Do you have the space? Will you be able to have three bedrooms for them when they are young adults? Are you sure you instinct for a third will stop there?
Will you both be able to cope with any changes to current jobs with offices moving further away or promotions resulting needing more time away from the home?
This is not a decision about now, it is about the next 10-15 years and then more.
I've got three personally i would stick with two. Holidays are tricky to book unless you go with a villa, family tickets are normally 4 person family, you'd need a bigger car. Plus two means a 1:1 ratio. I always think three means someone gets left out. We planned to have either two or four. Youngest two have autism (I got pregnant before we knew dc2 had autism). So we stopped at three. I wish we'd stuck at two as it's just much easier (autism aside).
Plus houses...unless you've got a good amount of cash kids tend to come with quite a bit of stuff. We've found house hunting for a bigger house hard although in a small four bed as kids all need there own rooms and no one wants to share. Obviously if needs must then three beds is fine and like pp above does your dh pull his weight?! My dh doesn't. It's a massive bone of contention now.
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