42 out of blue want a baby but by doesn't, he already has a daughter

[Rainbow41]

I've been single for 10years and met my bf last October we started dating in January he lives 1hour away. At 1st he said he would move to were i live as better city, opportunities etc But now changed his mind as he has said he wants to be 5mins away for his daughter who is 6.
For the past 10years I've boxed having kids as not in a relationship and always thought I was too old now.
But the last few weeks I've been noticing baby's, pregnant women etc. Last week I had a dream he had got another women pregnant and all I could think was oh no another kid taking him away from me. Why didn't he ask me to have children. I told him about it and he said he never wanted kids, not even his daughter but now he has her he glad he got her. But definitely doesn't want any more.
The other day on fb, my bf had been nominated to put a father/daughter pic up and then nominate other dads he knows. I just burst into tears, an over whelming emotions of I will never be a mum or have grand kids.

Help, I don't know what to do.

[ILoveMyMonkey]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's still a fairly new relationship so I see 2 options, 1) give up on the baby dream and see where things go with the BF who has made his feelings clear or 2) ditch the BF and go down the sperm donor / single mum route.

I think you need to think really carefully about option 2 because plentt of women have babies in their early to mid 40's and do it alone. I guess it depends which you'll regret more, losing him or not having children.

It's really tough and some unmumsnetty hugs for you.

[Rainbow41]

Thank u. I have told him if I fall pregnant I'm not getting rid were both older enough to know what we're doing. Wish I didn't feel this way, I had it all straight in my head.

[ILoveMyMonkey]

Are you using contraception?

It honestly sounds to me like you would seriously regret not trying for a baby and end up resenting him, do you think this?

[Rainbow41]

Im on the pill and he has asked me what % its safe, ive told him 99%, his reply oh the same as the condom. The thing is he is an amzing father with his daughter, which he didnt want and I strongly believe his x trapped him into it. How can u be togther for 2 years, no baby then suddenly, oh she's pregnant and she has 2 children who are 17 and 15 now, his daughter is 6.
When we have discussed the dream etc he said having another kid would stop all our plans, as far as I'm see they may alter but not change. Ive thought about breaking ip, but I could meet sum1 else who doesnt want kids, ive waited 10 yrs for this bf. A friend has suggested why not miss a month (pill) and just see. Not sure if I coiod do that though.

[ILoveMyMonkey]

Regardless of what his ex did or didn't do and how his dd was conceived, be it a trick or a genuine accident, it wouldn't make it right for you to trick someone into having a baby against their will. Missing the pill for a month would be a massive breach of trust and if it ever came out would destroy your relationship anyway.

There is no easy decision really but I wouldn't live in the hope of your pill failing as I think that could lead to you being even more unhappy each month when you find you aren't pregnant.

I think you either need to choose your relationship and grieve the idea of ever having children and learn to move forward accepting life as it is, a great life, but a childless life or you leave him and look into doing it via sperm donation and alone.

[LowAMH]

I highly doubt missing a pill for a month at 42 is going to get you pregnant anyway - it doesn't tend to be that easy at your age sorry to say! if you do want a baby I think you need to lay your cards on the table and discuss it, being ready to walk away and try to go it alone if kids are the most important. But maybe go for a fertility check up as no need to break a relationship up over it if it's already too late.

[PatriciaHolm]

He doesn't want a baby. That's really the end of the discussion. I'm sorry but the person who doesn't want to create another life should always win this argument.

[Rainbow41]

I have been thinking just that talking to him, our relationship is still new. Finding out his fears etc
My head says one thing and I can rationalise why not too, but my feelings say another, which I hate.