I need some help please.

[Iamverynotcrazy]

I really need some help sorting the mess out that's my head. I am sorry if this is going to he to personal for some people but I am really stuck where to go and who to speak with anymore.

Dh: he's recently got his diagnosis of autism last week now we always knew it was there. It as always been an excuse for him ( and I really mean excuse) to get out of any responsibility. He says he either forgets doesn't no how to or finds it to much. Now I fully understand this could be the case but I think he needs to try. That's what frustrates me the most he doesn't try. He goes to work comes home plays his computer he won't talk responsibility for house work, shopping or financesomething or anything that's happening medically with the dc's. He didn't even want to go to ds2 assessment with pediatrician but u made him I dealt with ds1 assessment all alone I refuse to go though ds2 all alone.

Dcs: ds1 is having major trouble at school he's not reaching his grades for some reason and was incredibly upset yesterday that a teacher made him right down that he's not reached his grade. I do have a meeting with school tomorrow which I will try sort this out in. Ds2 I am struggling mega with he just wants to sit next to me and head but my arm. My arms are a mess from bruises and I am yet to find a way to stop him or an alternative. Ds3 has decided sleep is no longer for him.

The house we live in is far to small and also has damp we have no option but to move. I will have to do all the packing up and unpacking as Dh says he doesn't no what to do even though I have offered to show him. But he won't try then I will have people having a go at me as am stressed and upset and struggling to handle it.

My grandparents are in there 80s my grandads got dementia and his heart keeps stopping. My grandma has heart and kidney failure and was given 6-9 months to live in August.

My mum's also waiting to find out if she has cancer which she should found out Thursday.

I just feel like my brains taking in what's happening the just filing it away and nit dealing with it at all. I can't talk to people around me as they see me as being very strong ( which I hate as it makes me feel more pressure to be so strong when I can't I have been told that it's a compliment and I should take it as one but I don't feel like that) and if I express I am struggling people assume I can't cope I am going to have a break down that's when I start getting comments about how I am the family lynch pin and how my family would be nothing without me which just makes everything all that harder.

Really sorry about the long post and how personal it is I just need to get it out there to someone. I know I can't say anything to anyone close and please do give me your honest options and advice.

[hiddenhome2]

Good grief, you've got a lot on your plate

Has your dh always been this way, or has it become worse?

It's difficult to gauge his real level of functioning if he's using it as an excuse.

Do you have any friends or relations who can help?

Who looks after your grandparents?

[Iamverynotcrazy]

He's always been this way. At home we was treated like he was useless and couldn't do nothing. But that's not true. There is times when I totally melt down then go though a day or 2 of total exhaustion and he does very well and holding the fort so to speak. But as soon as I am back on my feet again he suddenly forgets everything and I am on my own again. Don't get me wrong I love this man to bits and I know I knew what he's was like when I married him ( I get reminded of this quiet a lot of others) I just find things frustrating at times.

We don't have friends the place we both have the biggest difficulties. We don't have family local at the moment this is one of the biggest reasons we are moving.

I have 2 aunties that look after them I am gutted I rarely get to see my grandparents days as I am so tied up with Dh dc's and my parents am so scared I am going to feel so much guilt for net seeing them much I used to see them everyday till 3 years ago.

[hiddenhome2]

Yes, he needs to be given things to do that he can manage - write down instructions if necessary.

If you go under you'll be unable to do anything and he'll be left with the lot. He needs reminding of this.

[Iamverynotcrazy]

I haven't heard of contact a family yet. I have been though my gp I just get offered ad but I don't think that's what I need. I don't need tablets. If that makes sense to anyone.
When I had ds3 ss where sent in to assess us due to how complicated our family is. I was told that they was no help they could offer and if I needed respite that I would have to pay it and it's £16 an hour we simply can't afford that.

I do set him jobs to do and remind him if he forgets he just tells me he will do it later and it never gets done.

I do know if I went though with the AS assessment that I would be offered additional support so maybe that's a way forward. I am still on the fence with the assessment I feel fake and like I am acting autistic and picking up traits due to being around Dh and dc's who have it.

[hiddenhome2]

It's worth being assessed. I would imagine that autistic people would be attracted to other people with autism. It stands to reason because they're the people with whom they get along with.

Are you going to have a talk with your dh? He can't just opt out of stuff. He chose to get married and have a family, so he has a responsibility to help make it work.

[Iamverynotcrazy]

Yes I am going to leave till Monday which is his next day off so we can sit and talk properly once dc's are in bed. Thank you both of you by the way. And sorry about the full on personal post.

[MrsLogicFromViz]

It's definitely worth getting an assessment for any help you may be able to receive? I find that networking (although it's difficult for an ASCer such as myself) via my local NAS branch is really helpful.