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In an ideal world, what paid help would you have gone for in the early days?

(21 Posts)
londonlottie Sat 05-Sep-09 07:58:01

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throckenholt Sat 05-Sep-09 08:11:46

if you could get someone to do the washing that would help a bit. But the rule is with twins - you do what you can and ignore the rest ! If things don't get done - then they don't - no problem.

Someone to cook you a decent meal each day would be good too - hopefully DH can do that

Merle Sat 05-Sep-09 08:15:28

Well I didn't have twins so I'm not the best person (2 boys 3 years apart) but looking back it would have been sensible to have had someone come in for a couple of hours (every morning, ideally) or at least twice a week, to hoover, clean the bathrooms, wash the floors etc. EVeryone says 'just ignore it' but that's hard to do and the mess drove me mad (I'm not that houseproud but when you are feeding all the time you have to sit and look at it for hours, whilst not being able to clear it up and I found that very frustrating).

Good luck! Enjoy!

mummytotwins Sat 05-Sep-09 13:29:31

I dont have any family nearby (although closer than yours I guess!) and we managed just fine, my husband had 2 weeks off when we came out of hospital (we didnt see it was worth him taking his leave whilst I ws still there) and my mum came up for a week to help out. It was scary being on my own with them initially but you get used to it and get your own routine. My advice would be to find some groups you can go to and get out and about as much as possible to keep your spirits up etc xxx

londonlottie Sat 05-Sep-09 14:02:30

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estar Sat 05-Sep-09 15:17:40

I would definately go for a cleaner, I would have loved that. There's only so much mess you can live with, and when all the plates are dirty and the laundry is overflowing, you can't 'not' do that, can you? That way you can stay in a blissful state with your newborns and really enjoy those magic early months together.

<<drifts off into a wonderful daydream about nice ladies coming to clean up around her while she reads long novels and cuddles babies....>>

londonlottie Sat 05-Sep-09 16:52:53

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rattling Sat 05-Sep-09 21:15:59

Lottie - I'm now in my first week without a doula coming out twice a week to help in the afternoons (fantastic present from the in-laws). I'm sure if I had to I'd have learnt to cope, but still it was bliss to have them taken off my hands and let me sleep without keeping one ear open. If I had the choice again though I would have got through the earlier weeks myself as they were much easier (my boys slept very well). The last month (since turning 3 months) I've found much harder - babies are awake more. Sometimes together, sometimes tag-teaming to prevent me resting at all. A cleaner would be nice too - I wasn't sure how much below my pitiful housekeeping standards I could slide. Now I know. Not good.

I hope you are feeling okay. I got your e-mail address and have been meaning to contact you directly as you seem to be suffering with the same problems I had (though you have more trouble with the carpal tunnel and less with the vomiting than me - information gleaned from lurking on some of the old threads)

1stMrsF Sat 05-Sep-09 21:36:11

Definitely cleaning and someone to do laundry (I have had cleaner 2 x per week, to do full house clean one day, just downstairs on the other day plus ironing, and DH has done all laundry), and ideally have someone either make you food or fill the freezer with easy stuff.

choosyfloosy Sat 05-Sep-09 22:02:54

If you're talking an ideal world, my preferred help in order of priority:

A breastfeeding counsellor at least three times a day (sounds less vital for you since it sounds like you will have good support early on)

A daily cleaner and ironer

A reliable person to walk the babies (I only had one) for an hour a day, preferably outside if jaundice is an issue

A daily cook/housekeeper grin

What i actually had was my dear mum, who pitched up at least once a week after the first two weeks, and spent most of a day each time cleaning, cooking and rocking the baby. Can't even imagine the twin workload.

londonlottie Sat 05-Sep-09 23:04:21

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kathryn2804 Sun 06-Sep-09 12:33:36

DEFINITELY a cleaner, gosh I could still do with one of those!!

Friends used to bring food, that was great!

Breastfeeding counsellor would have been good, not that I had problems particularly, but just for reassurance that my babies were doing what all babies do. Luckily I had a great breastfeeding drop-in group so that was good, plus it ghot me out of the house! As well as twins club.

I know someone who was given a night nanny, they would look after the babies in the night and just bring them to you when they wanted to feed. Sounds like bliss, but it would be a bit of shock when they left, so maybe it's better just to get on with it!

bellabelly Tue 08-Sep-09 01:03:32

Like you sound like you are doing, I REALLY panicked about the day when DH went back to work and I was left on my own wit the twins. ALL DAY!! Just to say that that day will not be anywhere near as stressful as you might be imagining and you will feel tons better once it is out of the way. My advice would be to have a gap, even if it's only a couple of days between your DH going back to work and your mum arriving, just to prove to yourself that you can cope. Otherwise, if you are like me, you'll have that doom-y feeling and it'll be totally unnecessary worry.

On a practical note, the only help I had after DH had gone back to work (and he managed a total of 3 and a half weeks off after the DTs were born so pretty good) was a paid cleaner once a week which was a godsend, paid for by my MIL, hoorah! One other thing that was v useful was me making lots of lovely food to go in the freezer so that dinner was quick and easy in the first few weeks. I have seen a book recommending that you just use paper plates and live with mess in the first few weeks and yes, while your standards may slip a bit, it really isn't good for the soul to totally abandon yourself to chaos. If money is tight, I'd choose a cleaner over a maternity nurse / doula any day.

bellabelly Tue 08-Sep-09 01:03:34

Like you sound like you are doing, I REALLY panicked about the day when DH went back to work and I was left on my own wit the twins. ALL DAY!! Just to say that that day will not be anywhere near as stressful as you might be imagining and you will feel tons better once it is out of the way. My advice would be to have a gap, even if it's only a couple of days between your DH going back to work and your mum arriving, just to prove to yourself that you can cope. Otherwise, if you are like me, you'll have that doom-y feeling and it'll be totally unnecessary worry.

On a practical note, the only help I had after DH had gone back to work (and he managed a total of 3 and a half weeks off after the DTs were born so pretty good) was a paid cleaner once a week which was a godsend, paid for by my MIL, hoorah! One other thing that was v useful was me making lots of lovely food to go in the freezer so that dinner was quick and easy in the first few weeks. I have seen a book recommending that you just use paper plates and live with mess in the first few weeks and yes, while your standards may slip a bit, it really isn't good for the soul to totally abandon yourself to chaos. If money is tight, I'd choose a cleaner over a maternity nurse / doula any day.

thumbwitch Tue 08-Sep-09 01:15:06

I was very lucky - MIL came over to stay for 2 months and was therefore with us for 6 weeks post-birth of DS. She did all the background cleaning, tidying and washing (we used cloth nappies so that was essential) and DH did all the cooking. With a tongue-tied baby who bf for up to 2 hours at a time, this made life much easier to bear. THe hard bit was when MIL went home and DH didn't seem to think he needed to share in any of the things she'd been doing - he soon learnt that I couldn't do it all! I did the clothes washing and the tidying, he took over keeping the kitchen clean and dishwashing and the hoovering went to hell.grin

So - a cleaner would be top of my priority list; and a cook if you haven't got a freezerful of meals to last you about 6 weeks.
Congratulations and good luck with your twins!

londonlottie Tue 08-Sep-09 08:31:43

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loubloutwinmum Tue 08-Sep-09 11:42:02

Hi, Congratulations firstly. I am dragging my mind back to the new baby stage and I too was feeling quite anxious about how I would cope and keep on top of everything. I am quite an organised, tidy (control freak) person so didn't think ignoring the house work would be an option. But once I had my babies I just solely concentrated on them and other things just faded into the background!

As others have said - a cleaner is a great blessing - my lovely Mum lived with us for first few months (an arrangement that suited us both as we both needed each other as lost my Dad jut a few weeks earlier)so she helped me with housework & looking after the babies. I also batched cooked like a maniac before I had the girls so I had a chest freezer with lots of dinners and my Mum, MIL and friends brought food in the early days. I set up my internet shopping account - still do it now and if you get in the habit it saves you running out of stuff and having to either get to the supermarket or write a list for hubby.

Although I had help and support I found it hard to except help unless it was essential! What I mean is I felt guilty if I left the girls with my Mum so I could have a bath or sleep so pushed myself a bit too hard. Sometimes it is more important for you to have half an hour to shower and make yourself look human than it is to put the hoover over!

I am sure you will cope really well - with twins you just have to go with flow!!

londonlottie Thu 10-Sep-09 09:19:25

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clown7 Thu 10-Sep-09 19:17:31

Hi there,

Welcome to Switzerland! I live in a town between Zurich and Basel and have 8 month old twins. If I can help in any way with any Swiss questions do message me and do let me know if you decide to set up a twins club - there isn't one in Basel either and I would love to go to one. I found the hospital and doctors excellent here btw.

I would have to agree with many others that a cleaner is a must. I always feel so much better when the apartment is gleaming (for a few seconds!!!) after the cleaner has left.

I am currently looking for a child minder to look after them for at least as afternoon a week as I think I now deserve a bit of 'me' time to try to re-charge my batteries. Ideally, I would have found someone earlier than now as there are times when I really needed a break and felt a bit desperate but as like you I had just moved, it wasn't an option as no family and friends were around after the first few weeks. So I would think about getting in some help after your mum has left as that is when you might really need it.

Take care and keep your feet up as much as poss

londonlottie Thu 10-Sep-09 19:29:41

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clown7 Fri 11-Sep-09 19:16:29

Hi Londonlottie

I had a natural delivery with an epidural which the hospital insisted on for twins - not that I would have objected anyway. I was also given gas and air because the anesthetist was at another hospital so I had to wait a while for the epidural.... also sang along with xmas carols on my ipod to keep me going! I was surprised to get the gas and air as everyone had told me it was not available in Swiss hospitals. Early on in my pregnany there was talk of me having a section when both twins were breech but once one had turned the gynae was very keen on me doing it naturally. I was always going to be induced as gynae was not keen on twins going to 40 weeks. Eventually was induced at 38.5 weeks. It then took about 24 hours for babies to come so it might actually have been better waiting for them to come of their own accord, but who knows?

I was in hospital for 8 days as they wanted the twins to have gained enough weight before I was allowed home. Was going a bit stir crazy by then as the regime was quite strict about feeding. They set up the babies on 4 hour feeds and the nurses made it their mission to see that it was adhered to and would come chasing into the room every 4 hours. Seemed a bit OTT but did mean that the feeding routine was well established for when I came home. I actually made the feeds 3hourly in the end as dd was only 2.5kg so found every 4 hours hard going.

I had about 5/6 visits from a midwife once I was home. It was good as was the same woman who had run the ante-natal classes so I felt comfortable with her. We do not seem to have health visitors in this area so just check ups from the doctor but you can visit a nurse if you like who weighs the babies and advises you about feeding etc.

Overall, it was a very positive experience but not one where I got to make many choices. This was fine for me as I did not feel strongly about the type of birth, birthing position etc. I just wanted to be guided by the professionals as was very nervous as first babies. It always sounds like you get more choices in the uk with birth plans whereas at my hospital, for twins, the procedure was set in stone. This may vary from hospital to hospital in Switzerland though.

Hope this helps - bit long!!, feel free to ask any thing else

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