Food battles with 2yr old twins and older sister

[Mummy23Angels]

I'd like to ask people's advice as I'm at the end of my tether and don't know where to go/what to do next.
I can not get my twin daughters to eat. I have tried snack food, favourite (or what used to be) foods, highchair, normal chair, floor, in front of TV, etc, etc. Nothing seems to work.

HV is useless and when I asked for advice she just shrugged and told me her grandaughter is the same! This has gone on for about 3 weeks now and it's starting to really stress me out, also because my eldest daughter (4yrs) has started to do the same thing... though I suspect due to her seeking attention as so much of my time is taken up trying to get the other two to eat at mealtimes.

My husband is of the opinion that they have to sit at the table until they have finished everything on their plate but I really don't think this works as it just makes them more stressed at mealtimes.

I'd appreciate any advice.....

[OptimistS]

OK, calm down and try not to worry. My HV told me that it is unheard of for a child to starve themselves, unless they have a mental illness or disease or something, and it doesn't sound like this will apply to your DTs. As long as your DTs appear healthy and remain on their growth curves, it's nothing to worry about.

I had similar issues with my DD, who still doesn't eat anywhere near as much as her twin brother, but she eats enough to continue thriving.

Whatever you do, don't make mealtimes a huge issue, or it can escalate out of control very quickly. There is also some suggestion that making huge battles out of mealtimes can result in eating disorders in later life, though I don't know how valid that argument is. My advice would be to continue feeding your DTs the same as whatever you're eating, preferably with you all eating together. If they don't touch it, don't worry, just ignore it. Don't offer them anything else either then or before the next meal. Offer food at meal times only. It may take several days or even a couple of weeks before you notice any real improvement, but they will finally realise that the only food they are going to get is what you offer at mealtimes, and when their stomachs tell them ok, game over, time to stop making a fuss and eat, they'll capitulate. You could also try bringing in a reward chart to reward each child that eats well. Hopefully this will stop your older DD in her tracks and get her eating again. Seeing her get treats might also encourage your DTs to have a go. Best not to use sweets or chocolate as a reward initially, though.

Hope this helps. Best of luck.

[Shiner]

Could it be that your twins are going through a growth or developmental phase where they simply don't need to eat much? Or they are teething and go off solids?

My twins are also two years old, and are highly variable with eating. Some days I have the feeling that they eat nothing, but then they do drink a lot of milk. Teething definitely affects them (still!), as do colds and other illnesses. Sometimes they will eat a little when I spoon it into them. Sometimes they will eat the vegetables (they love steamed carrots and broccoli - weird, I know) and other times they just throw them on the floor, or start to mash them up.

We follow the strategy where we offer food at every mealtime, but as soon as they start to play with it, we give them a warning, and then when they persist, we take the plate away, even if they haven't eaten anything. If they really protest at it being taken away, we relent once and give the plate back. If they play again, then it's gone for good. They have to stay in their chairs until we have finished our food (if we eat at the same time). They always get their meals in the highchairs, no TV or toys. We eat our food at the same time as them as much as possible (not always do-able, but it's a goal at least!). We decided on this because we felt that it was the template for how we wanted them to learn to eat.

Gosh, reading what I've just written makes me feel that we are so harsh and mean! But I really can't STAND food being thrown, and if they're not hungry for any reason, then I can't see the point in trying to persuade them otherwise, not at this age. I also worried that they would then start to expect the "persuasion", and it would become a form of entertainment for them.

All the best with your twins, I hope mealtimes improve for you soon!

[kathryn2804]

Mine had a phase like this too. i used to bribe them with pudding! I never make them finish the whole plate thoug. A healthy child knows when they are full. i usually just make them eat 2 more spoons, or whatever, and then they can have a yoghurt, or grapes or something naughty for pud.

Don't get stressed! A night or two of going to bed hungry will probably sort them out! They're probably at that in between growth spurts stage when they don't eat (or sleep!) much. They'll probably be back to eationg in a week or two, so try not to make it an issue. i would stick to eating at the table, and try to eat as a family as much as poss.

[swanriver]

I really sympathise with you. I had this problem , and husband found table manners of his three dcs unbearable which created even more stress. Eventually they will get past that dreadful stage of not sitting still. A cousin of mine whose first three children had all had beautiful table manners, very strict, calm etc went completely to pieces with 2 year old twins, and used to just let them climb up the cupboards and eat choc muffins whenever they felt like it. Now they are reintegrated into family mealtimes at five years. I think she got to this stage by remaining completely insanely calm and impertubable and not rising to any attention seeking and not worrying whether they ate anything or not or what anyone thought of their behaviour. Eventually they just learnt to behave by watching others eat when the spotlight was off them.

[swanriver]

There is another element to eating as a family however, which is that if one person particularily stressed (ie: husband) might be better to have his meal with him separately. Once you start arguing about their behaviour in front of them, they will pick up on this and behave worse/be even more stressed and less hungry. The number of times I can remember an husband and wife argument escalating from some ridiculous thing like whether one child usually had butter on his potato or not, or grated cheese on his pasta. Really we should have just picked our battles.