Help after the birth

[quesadillas6]

Hi,

Back under a slightly different name. Posted under quesadillas until the hack and couldn't get back in. Now 33 weeks with twins, due at 37 weeks. Wondering what extra help people had arranged or used post-birth. We've got a night nanny booked for a couple of months part-time, and now DH wants to get in a mother's help type person during the day. Toddler DS will be at his regular childminder a few days a week, family will be around one of the days he's at home, and DH would like this extra person on another day that all three children will be around.

I'm not sure if that's too much. I worry that I won't learn to cope myself if there's too many people about. I like a routine, I like having a pattern to my day, but I don't think I'll be able to get into one if I'm never on my own. Does that make sense? Or am I seriously underestimating how tough two babies and a toddler will be?

[AbirdN8]

Hi there

I'm also 33 weeks and due in 3 weeks. I also have a toddler.

We have increased his nursery days so he'll be there for 4 days a week if I need him to be and on the other day either my parents or in laws will be over to help.

Both sets of parents are very keen to help but we've told that we'll let them know as and when we need it. We definitely don't want anyone staying over for the first few weeks either.

This could all of course change, once the babies arrive. From talking to others I think it depends very much on the babies and you. I've heard of a single mum who coped brilliantly with her twins and hardly had any help and also of couples who struggled and had parents/ in laws move in with them.

I'm sure others on here will give first hand experience. At the moment we plan to play it by ear and just see how we get on.

Good luck!

[neversleepagain]

My mum came to help for 8 weeks (I needed emergency surgery when the babies were 6 weeks which is why she stayed so long). Other than that it has been me and dh. We have no family in this country so it has been tough.

I don't know any twin parents who have had a night nanny so can't comment.

[Hackersschmakers]

DH had his two weeks pat leave and then we were on our own at night. My and mil came round during the day for a few weeks. I didn't have any others to worry about though.

Nights were hard but doable.

In the end I asked the parents to not come round as much because I needed to get my own routine going and when they were coming round all the time I felt like I had to entertain them and not get out and about. Even a trip to the shops for some fresh air and to build up confidence going out and about with them both was nice to do on my own.

[Cornwall73]

After DH finished his paternity leave I made sure there was someone with me (family) until they were about 8wks old, I did all nights though. Between 8-12 wks we had a night nanny 2-3 nights a week which was a god send as I was hallucinating with lack of sleep. I then went it alone bar any visits from family and friends who mostly live 3-4hrs away so no one local. We got a mothers help/trainee nanny two afternoons a week from 6mths. Just having someone else in the house helping out or taking them for a walk made a huge difference. I found having twins really hard work, they were in a good routine but I found their bad reflux draining, let alone the monotony of feeds and endless washing. Just having another adult around was great company.

[Cornwall73]

I agree with AbirdN8 it really depends on you and how you cope with the babies. Some people need lots of help and others don't. I didn't have a toddler but you also need to think about if s/he is going to be super clingy and wanting to spend time with you when you are caring for the babies.

[ceeveebee]

I didn't have a toddler, just the twins. MIL and DM helped a lot in the first few weeks, they basically stayed with me one week each for the first month (DH didn't get much time off and had to go away on business on week 3).
We then had a night nanny 2 nights a week, Tuesday and Thursday from when they were about 4 weeks old till 12 weeks old - I used to express milk for their night feeds. She had us on a proper routine and helped them sleep through by 12 weeks.
After that I had a mothers help for 3 afternoons a weeks, did cleaning, laundry and a bit of cooking and also helped with nappy changing, settling, bath time and generally giving me a bit of a break. When I went back to work she became their nanny - shed worked with us for 8 months by then so I felt very comfortable with her, and still with us 3 years down the line!
TBH looking back I think I almost had too much help, I didn really enjoy constantly having someone else in the house. Preferred the days when it was just us, also had a great NCT group who met up almost daily which saved my sanity. I don't know anyone who had a toddler first, do know a few who had twins then a single baby though and they manage just fine as I'm sure will you

[Rach738]

I have a toddler and 9 week twins. We arranged for a maternity nurse to come two 24 hour blocks a week for first 8 weeks. One day when daughter was at nursery and one when she was home. We found the nights a godsend and the day with daughter means I can take her out and focus on her. Found the other day less useful, as after a toddler two babies is almost a rest and agree having someone else in house is hard.

I also tapped up all the maternity nurses at the hospital and one of them has started coming the odd night when she isn't working.

[mrsatkinson]

When dh went back to work after 2 weeks I found it much easier on my own, making my own routine and finding my new noreal on my own. I tandem feed them at the same time, do the night feeds on my own during the week and actually find it relatively easy (im going to pay for saying this im sure!!) I found people were texting me a lot seeing if I needed help which was nice, but honestly I didn't feel I needed it. Then people seemed surprised I was coping which was a little offensive!
They go to my PILs on a Saturday so I can have a break, but I think not having any other children has helped- this is all I know.