support or advice needed

[twinfantasic]

Hi there,

I am a new mum to my nearly 4 week old b/g twins. We are all at home now, as I had them at 33weeks there doing well and gaining weight which is a relief.
I have found this forum and wanted to join for support and to support other ladies like myself.
I'm finding it hard work feeding 2 babies every 4 hour's changing cuddling etc.... while my useless DP does naff all since bringing the twins home he hasn't really helped out, I have done everything myself plus all the washing cleaning, and trying to get a few hour's of sleep is a joke. Please tell me I'm not alone :/
Thanx all for listening to my rant. Xx

[HighVoltage]

You're not alone and it sounds like you're doing a superhuman job doing housework and looking after your twins.

But congratulations, I hope you've had a few minutes to enjoy them but as someone whose b/g twins are 3 weeks old I suspect it is minutes and not much more especially with no help at home.

I was discussing with a twin mum yesterday (met through a local twins mum group - definitely recommend joining one if you haven't already) how hard it is for first time mums (I already had DS).

[twintrimum]

Congratulations on your b/g twins twinfantasic! I didnt want to read and run but I can't give any advice as mine are still 'indoors' at 30 wks (and hopefully staying put for at least another few weeks too!). Have you joined Tamba? I would def recommend them, plus they have a support line called twinline who you can phone for advice or just to
chat. There is also homestart (comes up if you google it). If they are local to you they may be able to send someone out to support you even if it's just for a few hours one day per week.

As HV said, it sounds as if you are doing an amazing job of juggling everything. I hope I will manage as well as you in a few weeks time xx

[MultipleMama]

Your DP needs a kick up the bum.

Greatest advice I can give; when babies sleep, you sleep. Housework is not that important.

Are you tandem or 1:1 feeding? If you're using bottles get DP involved to help with feeding. It's not fair for him to expect you to do everything.

Either way it's new for all 4 of you so it's gunna be hard to adjust. I was a zombie during the fist few months and I had 2 other dc to deal with.

[Rowan1204]

Congratulations on your twins!
My boys are 7 weeks old now and were born at 32 weeks.
Just wondering if you already have an older child or if the twins are your first?
Not to sound like I'm defending your dh but 99% of men seem to take some time for things to sort of 'click' and to start properly mucking in. (im sure there are a small handful out there who never do!)
I know with my son when he was born it took a good few months before my dh did things without me having to ask / direct him!
However.... You must tell your dh how hard you are finding things, especially after enduring a twin pregnancy, early delivery etc! (know this all too well).
He does need to get in gear and get doing his fair share.
Perhaps give him specific tasks? For example, i said to my dh -
When i was expressing (for what seemed like ever hour of the day!) i said - he feeds me, I feed the babies. So i gave him responsibility of making a decent meal in the evening and that the fridge stocked up.
When i moved to bottles / formula, i made it his job to ensure all the bottles were washed and sterilised ready for the day / night ahead.
Unfortunately they just need lots of direction from us!
Once they have gained confidence in their ability as a father, they seem to roll with it all a bit better! (im my experience anyway!)
Hope this helps a bit.
Sending a very (sleepy) sympathetic hug!

[neversleepagain]

Congratulations on your new babies!

The first few months whiz by in a blur and are very difficult. You are doing well looking after the babies and doing housework! I still do no house work (apart from washing clothes, keeping the kitchen clean and tidy and cooking), DP does it all. You need to give him jobs to do, he really needs to help you.

Having two new babies is a shock to the system, he is probably in shock too. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and what you want him to do to help you and the babies.

Good luck, it does it easier :)

[twinfantasic]

Hello ladies, thanks so much for all your replies much appreciate :-) I know I'm not alone...

I have told me DP hundreds of times about helping out more, which causes more rows between us he has started doing the night feeds early hours ones for the twins while I get my head down, it's still not enough but at least it's something!

My main worry is that next week he goes bk to work he works away too and I'll be buy myself with less sleep :/ so I am not looking forward to that so much, I don't really get a lot of support or help which is a bummer.

I'm going to Google a few things when I have time for group's and support in my area surely there should be something, I don't have any children of my own these are my first, my DP has 2 boys from a previous relationship, I couldn't have children naturally these twins were conceived via ivf.

Thanks xx

[Eating43]

I think Rowans advice is good. My DH has always been great at the actual baby stuff (eg bathing, changing, cuddling, playing), but pretty useless at the admin side (eg making sure we have enough nappies, where the clean baby grows are to be found, etc), and housework. I do get really frustrated at this still at times, but it does make life easier and cause less arguments if I just give very specific instructions/tasks, rather than have a general whine about him not pulling his weight (always very tempting I can assure you). It is unfair, but I'm sure they will have the balance more sorted in a couple of generations time ;-)

[Eating43]

Sorry, forgot to say congratulations as well x

[thegirlinthesassyspace]

Have you asked your health visitor to refer you to get a weekly support volunteer from homestart? Mine helps me with feeding once a week and having her there is a godsend. We mostly complain and joke about useless men haha while sharing a coffee and obviously she being there means one-one attention for the twins. (= no crying!) .
No the babies are older she Helps me with their solid feeds as well as generally clearing up in the kitchen/ with bottles. It's only once a week but at least it's guaranteed help that I can look forward to.
If homestart do not operate in your area ask if barnardos do, because I know a lady who has a weekly volunteer from them in the same way.
All volunteers are parents themselves and fully trained :-)
Good luck xx

[DeepRedBetty]

Don't have time for proper reply but will try and get on later if DTDs will let me have pc after school! Congrats xx DRB

[twinfantasic]

Thanks guy's, for all the replies....

Well ive had good and bad day's with the twins... my boy is layed back but can suffer from wind at times after feeds. My girl is so demanding all the time and when it comes to feeds she picks and chooses how much she wants which is leaving me very tired and emotional. My DP goes bk to work tomorrow and will be working away very shortly which frightens the hell out of me as I will be by myself than. :-(

They will be 5weeks tomorrow got the health visitor coming out Friday to weight them both, so will see what they've gained.

Carnt remember who mentioned it but there isn't much support round here were I live there are a few parent toddler thing's, and a couple of other thing's what I need to look into.
Thanks ladies