Parents evening - teacher started by saying "Can I just say that your twin sister is obviously the more mature and sensible of the two of you"

[sandyballs]

WTF? This is year 7. First parents evenings. I'm usually very quiet and don't speak up enough but i jumped in with "We're not here to discuss her, we want to know how DT2 is getting on ".

Pissed me right off. She laughed and said "Oh yes I know we shouldn't compare but it's very difficult when they are so markedly different, her sister is a joy to teach, as for *** well where do I start".

[SneakyBiscuitEater]

I'd be furious if I were you. Totally unprofessional and she carried on once you'd interjected and asked her to move on. I'd be looking for a calm quiet word with the form tutor or head of year.

DTs are individuals, would she be directly comparing two non related children so openly? I hope not.

[Floralnomad]

It's terrible and just proves nothing's changed as my sisters and I all went to the same Grammar (4 yrs between the 3 of us) and my mum and dad got that kind of response from some teachers several times . I would definitely speak to the head of year ,but unfortunately whatever you say or do I doubt if you will ever stop some teachers comparing your twins .

[christinarossetti]

This is extremely unprofessional and potentially extremely damaging to both children. It's horrible being the unfavoured one, but also hard being the favoured one because there's a constant risk that you could slip out of favour....

I would write to the Head of Year and ask that in future your children are treated as individuals.

[LaVitaBellissima]

my DTD's are only 2.5, it's so hard as there is always the comparison, I even do it myself sometimes. I'm questing whether to put the girls in different classes when they start primary school as ours has 2 form entry.

[christinarossetti]

There will always be comparison between siblings, especially twins.

It's the verbalising of it so negatively in this case which is so unprofessional.

[PigletJohn]

IM(limited)E of twins especially, but siblings in general, when family or school decides X is the good one and Y is the bad one, they learn to fulfil expectations. Certainly for years, possibly for life.

This stupid teacher either doesn't know any better, or doesn't care.

Somebody needs to give her a serious talk.

[LemonBreeland]

I would complain. Not twins but I remember being compared to my brother at school and it's not nice.

To continue after you said not to was appalling.

[SmileAndPeopleSmileWithYou]

That is terrible and very very unprofessional!
I taught twins last year, then twins again this year (before going on Mat leave). Both times there was a massive difference in the ability/personalities etc. but I would never compare them!

The way I did parents evenings was to discuss one as though the parents had only come to see me about that child, get to the end without mentioning the other, conclude with "Do you have any questions/concerns about DT1?" This way they don't come back to that child when DT2 is being discussed. I start DT2's discussion as though I'm talking to completely different parents.

Interestingly, I found that both sets of parents did make comparisons. Such as;
"I don't know what to do with DT1, she just won't do X, Y and Z, but DT2 will do it whenever I ask her to!"
"What can we do to help DT2 get up to the same level as DT1?"