Help! Potty training rapidly approaching - separately or together wwyd?

[jassinkernow]

Hello
Would love some twin-specific thoughts on this. DTs are 2.9mths. With hindsight I've felt that we potty trained DD1 (now 4) too early, so we've been very content to watch and wait. DTS has been using the potty regularly for just over a month - we let him go whenever he asks, and suggest he does a wee before bath etc, but haven't pushed it (not least because he decided to start when we were on holiday!). He's still in nappies, but I'm pretty sure he's ready to make the next step and the only thing stopping us is my reluctance to engage with the whole process.
Except... what to do with DTD? Until very recently she has never shown any interest in the potty, will happily sit in a filthy nappy for as long as you let her and deny she's done anything etc etc. She is a bit of a perfectionist, extremely strong willed and has a tendency to hide behind being a 'baby' if she can't do things perfectly (eg has refused to use a proper cup until last week). Since DS has been going on the potty she has occasionally asked to try and will sit for ages but doesn't produce anything. Yesterday at bathtime I asked if she wanted to go on the potty and she said 'What's the point? My wee never comes.' I suppose I'm worried that if I start with him and he does well with it, she'll take it personally and will withdraw even more from the process.
Am I just making excuses? Or sounding a bit mad? Would you just concentrate on DTS for now or try and bring DTD along too?
Thanks for your thoughts.

[kim111]

Hi

My DTS were potty trained recently, one at Easter, the other last week (they are both just 3). Previously I'd tried both at the same time which was a disaster but decided to do it separately as one was really ready (the other was not interested in the slightest). At the time the one who wasn't being trained did get a bit upset but we kept explaining that we could only do one at a time and it would be his turn after (in my mind I thought I'd just string it out until at least the summer as he didn't seem to care at all about sitting with a poo in his nappy etc). Anyway he remained keen and even though I was very dubious we gave it a go last week and his first accident free day was after 3 days (it was 10 days for his brother) this is despite being much less 'ready' - constant tiny wees all day rather than hanging on and doing bigger wees, not being bothered if wet/dirty and a far more awkward personality than his brother! I would say give training your DTS a go, it might inspire your DTD! Also doing both at the same time is super stressful and messy!

[jassinkernow]

Hi Kim
Thanks for the advice - think it confirms what I'm leaning towards. Well done you - must feel like such a milestone!

[chutneypig]

We had the reverse, in that DTD decided at 2.9 that she wanted to use the toilet (never having produced anything in the potty) and that was that. Her brother took a half hearted interest, he occasionally would sit and squeeze a few drops out but nothing much. He really wasn't interested and I really think he hadn't made the connection. Took him a year to be ready.

DD did make a few snide comments but he really didn't seem too worried at all by it. And in many respects it was easier, in that I wasn't rushing them both to the toilet. For us, pushing DS when DD was training would have caused more problems than leaving him to it. She'd certainly have hassled him more than she did (she's a charmer!).

I'd see how it goes and run with it. DS isn't very competitive, whereas DD is. If she gets left behind she does get annoyed and up her game. She's quite cross at the moment that he's dry at night and she isn't, but that's one thing she doesn't have control over. One other thing to consider maybe is how many potties/toilets you have - they both went straight to the toilet and we only have one. They do squabble now, which is aggravating, but not a real problem as it might have been with them training together.

[jassinkernow]

Hi chutney
thanks for the advice - DD1 was on potties for ages, real pain carrying a travel potty around, so I'm def. aiming for them to use the loo as well (though they mave have other ideas!). Your DTD sounds just like mine!

[Mandy21]

My own experience is that it would have been a nightmare to try them separately, we waited until they were both ready (exactly 2 yrs 6 months) and it was done and dusted within about 10 days - DD got it within an afternoon, never had an accident, DS took all of those 10 days and still occasionally had an accident thereafter. We made a really big deal about them choosing their "big boy" / "big girl" pants the weekend before we started, we tried to incorporate the potty into the routine, so they'd sit on it after breakfast / after lunch, before bath etc, and we made a big sticker chart to list every "success" (in the potty) and the promise of a "treat" for every 10 stickers or whatever. We would have had serious melt down if we'd have done all that with one twin and not the other.

Having said that, its all about the approach. We were doing it in a kind of Gina-Ford-Potty-Training-In-One-Week big hitting never-going-back-to-nappies once off experience (I took 10 days off work and kept them off nursery) which was the approach my twins would have responded to the best and therefore needed to do it together, but if you're doing it in a more low key, just-when-you're-ready-and-we'll-go-with-the-flow type thing, no reason why you can't try them separately. Hope that helps.

[Peetle]

We did our DTs together (more or less). ID girls who were about 2.9 at the time. We'd been steeling ourselves for it and had potties about the house when DD1 just went and weed in a potty without any prompting (they ran around naked all the time then, and still do quite often).

We thought we'd start with her at that point, but DD2 could see what was happening and joined in. We had accidents but I certainly subscribe to the "leave it later and it gets easier" theory.

It does seem like another major challenge is looming but it wasn't that bad for us and life is much easier afterwards.