Body issues after MC. I hate it.

[Julezboooooooooooooooo]

Hi all,

I need to get this down. I have had a long day today. I am feeling really low and DH just pointed out in a heated argument that I have major issues with my body. He's right.

I don't mean the "look" I am an averaged sized woman and apart from a few wobbly bits I am ok with the rest.

I have lost 7 babies. My body. And it is an issue with my body, I have a clotting disorder. So it was my fault. I cannot and I don't think I ever will get over that.

I tried to see a councillor. CBT one, it didnt help.

I got in touch with the MC association twice and got ignored

I don't know how i can get over this. I have two gorgeous boys. I need to get over this. It does cause issues with DH WRT to sex. I am almost scared to have sex for fear that I will end up pregnant but then on the other side of things I would soo love to have another baby.

People seem to think that because I have been through it so many times I am an expert. My family have all forgotten. DH seems to have forgotten. Whenever an anniversary comes around I just want to curl into a ball in bed and forget about the world.

How do I get over this?
It consumes my head most of the day.

[theghastlyspectreoflissielou]

hi julezboooo, im not sure how you can get over this, i don't think its something that you can get over. i do know how you feel. its devastating and makes you feel like you aren't fulfilling your role in society, as a woman. i often feel that i am defective in some way, i cant do the most natural thing in the world while the most horrendous and (sorry, but...) unworthy people can. i hate my body for its failure, and i hate myself for being unable to give up.

does your local clinic have specialist mc counsellor? can your gp help? what is the plan if you do get pg again?

[Julezboooooooooooooooo]

My local clinic is a bit poo tbh. There is no plan if I get pregnant again, just the daily injections of clexine and hope for the best, thats all we can do really.

It's destroying my marraige though.

[kissmummy]

oh "julez" it's absolutely crap isn't it?
I feel much the same sometimes. And when you said "it consumes my head most days" that's exactly how i feel. i can't seem to get my situation out of my head - it's always at the back of my mind or at the front of it. At least they know what the problem is in your case...not much consolation if it can't be treated but at least you know it's not your fault in any way. Did all you miscarriages happen after your two children were born? whereabouts do you live? I think Sunday nights are a bad time - you are probably really knackered after an extra hour with the kids (boy does that hour make a difference - i've no idea why. it's only an hour? )and that never helps.

[Julezboooooooooooooooo]

I'm not far from Bridgend. I had one MC then DS1 was born 10 weeks early, then I had 5 and went on to have DS then I had another after DS.

Boys are at their nans I couldn't really have them round me and DH today.

[kissmummy]

it's good you've got some help with the boys.
i've had four miscarriages and am just about at breaking point emotionally so i know how you feel. i have one DS, who is two. all the miscarriages have happened since he was born. look after yourself. your body has in fact already done an amazing job by producing two wonderful children, despite it all.

[Julezboooooooooooooooo]

I'm almost tempted to go and get them to squeeze them into hugs

I cant stop crying tonight. I think the arguing with DH hasnt helped either.

[kissmummy]

how are you today julez ? are the boys back home now? i agree with you that everyone forgets after a while. they all rally round when you're actually having the miscarriage but a month later when you really hit rock bottom and need people to keep asking how you are, they've all forgotten. each time it happens now i feel people are thinking "oh that old problem again" as if its same old same old. people don't realise the misery escalates massively each time it happens.