A good book to help make sense of things?

[blogmumuk]

Hi
Can anyone tell me of a good book to read - I suppose I had taken it for granted that my pregnancy would go smoothly, just like all my friends pregnancies had. I just didn't realise how common mc is. And now I feel I need to read something to help me come to terms with things. But I had no idea there were so many books out there until I found myself losing my first baby and it's so confusing.

I'll never forget going for my 12 week scan, excitedly thinking how I could then go and buy some cute baby bits I'd got my eye on and to celebrating with friends after keeping it secret for so long only to see a black screen, no heartbeat, and being told my baby had died at 6 weeks. That was on my birthday on July 31st.

While I hope that it was just 'one of those things' and I don't want to scare myself silly with reading, I do feel I want to know what's normal for life now and be better prepared for the future.

In all the shock of it all, something I never thought to ask is what happened to my baby at the hospital when I had an ERPC, and I never thought to ask the hospital for some kind of certificate just to acknowledge our little baby. I've since read some hospitals give you a special certificate but I don't know if I could have had that or not.
Presumably they didn't do that as I wasn't offered it, but I wish I'd known that's something that is possible.

And while I'm sure my GP is very well qualified, it's all very matter of fact and I feel that the clock's ticking fast as I sit there and they just want to move on to the next person as soon as possible, so I don't know if I should have any tests or be doing anything that I haven't been told about through them just being too busy or worried about their budget. I've only just come off antibiotics from an infection and am feeling pretty low. Please help! xx

[pickle78]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

I would recommend "when a baby dies", I got it from Amazon www.amazon.co.uk/When-Baby-Dies-Experience-Miscarriage/dp/0415252768/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 1220384633&sr=8-1 (hope the link works). If you feel this one is not appropriate, you can see the books other customers have brought.

This book has really helped me to come to terms with what I am feeling, to know that its 'normal' to feel the way I do.

I think its harder to tell in early miscarriages what caused it as there can be many reasons but usually it would be a problem with the baby's development. Thats why most early miscarriages are put down to being 'one of those things'. My understanding is that until you've had 3 early mc you would not normally have any investigations (I think this does vary according to where you live). At our hospital they only provide certificates for late miscarriages (14-24wks).

I'm still waiting to find out what caused us to lose our baby at 22 weeks, 5 weeks ago. I have good days & bad days, I couldn't even get out of bed for the first week or so. Its very easy to convince yourself that something is wrong with yourself or baby (google can be dangerous), unless the hospital have advised you that

Hope you have happier times ahead x

[pickle78]

sorry didn't finish my last sentence...

unless the hospital have advised you that something could be wrong (which I'm sure is unlikely), there should be no reason to think you have an increased risk of it happening again and when you're ready to try again. Its suggested to wait until you've had one period to make it easier to date.

[Hope4Future]

Sorry for your loss blogmumuk

I have just bought, 'Miscarriage- what every woman needs to know' by Lesley Regan. I read it cover to cover in one sitting, and totally recommend it if you want details.

[juuule]

Blogmumuk - Sorry to hear of your loss. Mc is very common but that fact doesn't make it any easier to bear.

Because it is so common nothing much is done after 1 or 2 m/c. However, I did find that once I became pg again after m/c I was able to access early scans to reassure me that things were developing as they should be.

You might find
The Miscarriage Association is helpful for information and support.

Be kind to yourself and I hope things improve for you soon.

[blogmumuk]

Thank you all so much for your messages, I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't chat on here as unless you talk to someone who's been through it, I don't think friends/family completely understand.

@pickle78 I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. What I've been through is nothing in comparison, I was lucky that it was early on. That must have been such a shock. I really hope happier times are ahead for you too and hope you've got lovely people at home helping you through. xx

@Hope4Future, what a lovely name. That's what we all need isn't it. And thank you for the book idea, I'm had a look and definitely going to buy it. I'm having a sad day today and feel like just having something to read would help. xx

@juuule Thanks for the website, think I've read everything on there now! It's good to know about a site where you can trust it's well informed. xx