MMC at 9 weeks

[Iliada]

I am technically 9 weeks pregnant but the baby only measures 7.5 weeks with no heartbeat. Just found out this morning. First ever pregnancy, first ever miscarriage.

I had a scan at 6+0 showing no heartbeat and growth measuring at 5+1, so I felt pretty miserable over Christmas thinking that something had to be wrong, even though doctor had said that measuring a few days behind was normal. But it wasn’t normal at all.

Anyone else 9 weeks and having a miscarriage? Anyone else been here?

I have to start the drugs tomorrow afternoon to see if I can pass the miscarriage on my own. I’m really scared of how much it’s going to hurt and how unpleasant it’s going to be. I didn’t want it, but Doc says that even if it doesn’t work, the D&C is less risky if you do the drugs first. I don’t know what to expect. Terrified.

And then, the idea of it all still going on while I’m at work on Monday is freaking me out. On the other hand, the idea of trying to fudge a day off for a D&C is also worrying. I don’t think I can make something up for my boss without crying.

I don’t know. I just feel like this was my nightmare and now it’s come true.

[disconnecteddrifter]

Hi
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please try not to think about work. I had a mmc at 11 weeks but baby was only 8.5. Unfortunately I ended up in hospital for a few days with cervical shock as I wasnt aware of what a miscarriage was like. I thought the pain ans bleeding I had was normal. I have had 3 miscarriages since. 2nd was Mva under general anaesthetic ans this was the least traumatic. Third was natural and I cramped and bled a large amount for 24hrs. Third I was on holiday and carried on with my week. I had a scan as I was sure I couldn't possibly have miscarried properly but I had.
What I'm trying to say is all of mine were different. You have to put yourself first and not worry about work. You must take time off if you need to and it is counted as pregnancy not sickness.
You need some tlc for emotional and physical recovery.

[Redhorss]

Hi. So sorry you are going through this. We miscarried in Sept 18, we aren't sure when baby died but we had an early scan at 6 weeks and everything was fine. We miscarried at the 10 week mark.

I had a week off work. Couldn't face going in. Felt numb and very emotional for a good few weeks.

I passed the baby naturally - there was a completely empty uterus at the scan. It was devastating.

However, we now have our beautiful rainbow baby girl , 4 months old. Born in Sept 19.

Be good to yourself. Take time off and surround yourself with friends and family. Big hugs

[iamcalledemma]

Hi @Iliada, sorry to hear this. I would be honest with your boss if you can, and take some time off. I wouldn't want to be coping with the bleeding at work.

I am going through the same thing, started bleeding at work on Thurs, scan on Friday morning showed a baby with no heartbeat measuring 8+4. By dates, I should have been 9+6.
I have an appointment on Weds for another scan and to discuss options but I think I have miscarried naturally over the weekend. It has been painful at times, but managed by ibuprofen and the bleeding has been heavy. I have passed some large clots.
I have a sick note from hospital for 2 weeks but think I will just take the week if all is well, I have yet to tell my boss about it.
I am feeling quite numb.

[Iliada]

So I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday with the medical miscarriage drugs causing contractions and pains. I walking, swaying, trying to get something to happen. But apart from all the pain, there was zero bleeding at all.
On Saturday morning, desperate for some advice, we went back to the fertility clinic. I waited, dozing in the lobby with all the happy, excited couples passing in and out. After three hours, someone came to tell me that there was nothing to do except wait for 72 hours and that something should come out in that time.

Nothing did. I went to my appointment on Monday expecting a solution. First, they scanned me and made me look at the dead embryo on the same screen where I had thought I would see it’s heartbeat last Thursday.... as they explained to me that it had degraded a little. Degraded. My baby has degraded. What did that mean? Why did they want to show that to me? I wanted to run.

Then they told me to try again with the pills and this time come back after a week. No explanation of why this time would work que last time did nothing.

I broke down and demanded a D&C.
‘Oh, we don’t do those here. Have you got insurance? Then we can’t help you. You have to use the health service.’
They wrote me a form and sent me to the wrong hospital. When I got there, the receptionist sent me to a completely different hospital who told me to get a referral letter from my GP and come back. They couldn’t deal with private patients. If I had been pregnant from sex, they would have helped me. Private fertility treatment which failed apparently was my problem.

By this point, I was on the verge of a complete meltdown. I was sobbing and couldn’t breathe. I just wanted someone to help me. Some little bit of compassion from someone. The reception at the hospital smiled a little at my tears and desperation.

My GP was amazing. He saw me without an appointment. He got me the letter. Sorted out all the paperwork and prescribed something to help with the panic and the crying (until that medical runaround and total abandonment of the system I had been coping really well with the situation.) Now I think I am going to need considerable time to get over this

By mid evening, finally at the right hospital with the right paperwork and calming medication, I was seen, all tests run and booked in for a D&C. In the scan at the hospital, the doctor turned the screen away so I didn’t have to see it. He asked if I wanted to, and understood when I didn’t. I realized how cruel it had been before, to force me to see that.

My experience of fertility clinics is now that when you are helping their figures by getting pregnant quickly, you are their favorite star patient, but as soon as you have ‘failed’ in their eyes, they just want you out of the building with zero information, to become someone else’s problem as fast as possible. They’ve had your money and you are just useless trash to them now. I don’t know how I’m going to set foot in another fertility clinic with any hope or trust even again.

[Iliada]

Thanks for your stories everyone. I’m so sorry for your losses and so amazed at how different every story is, and yet each one carries the same pain and understanding. We are never alone in this, there are so many of us who do understand. I feel really honored that you have shared you stories with me.

disconnecteddrifter you were absolutely right. I have been medically signed off work for a week as I could not have dealt with the aftermath of all of this in public. Thank you
for the advice. It does take time.

Redhorss The scans are the worst. I’m so sorry that this happened to you too. And so glad that you eventually have had your wonderful rainbow.

iamcalledemma I hope everything did pass naturally, as I think that’s probably the best way. I recognize the numbness. That’s how I was until yesterday, but clearly it was disguising a huge amount of emotion underneath. Look after yourself and don’t push yourself to do anything more than you need to. It’s really easy to suddenly get overwhelmed by situations you could have dealt with fine previously.

[Redhorss]

@Iliada oh what an awful experience. So so sorry. I hope things start to happen soon, then you can start to heal. Xx

[rebeccacntu]

@l

[rebeccacntu]

So sorry to hear the whole story. It must be emotional draining. Stay strong darling. we need to be strong for ourselves and our future rainbow baby. The Medicaid have seen too much and I don't think they care. It is our own life eventually we are living so fxxx th