First pregnancy, first miscarriage (scared)

[BlueRM]

Hi to anyone who cares to read this.

On Monday I started spotting brown most of the day and then panicked in the evening when it turned bright red. After a visit to an out of hours GP at the hospital I got an early scan the following day.

Although a lot of message boards said bleeding might be okay and might not affect the pregnancy I wasn't surprised when they did the ultrasound and couldn't find anything. And then the internal stick showed the baby hadn't grown past the 6 weeks (I was at 11wks). It had no fetal pole. So this was classed as a missed miscarriage. The hospital sent me home and I have to go in next week for another scan and next steps.

I'm spotting brown still, and red occasionally. I have some mild cramping but I'm not marking a pad at all (sorry TMI!). I'm really scared of the D and C. I am really hoping it all comes out naturally.

No one knows at work, apart from my boss who works in an office in the US (I'm in the UK). I obviously told him and kind of lied to my colleagues to just say I had a cold etc. So I've been working at home in the meantime. I am going into work tomorrow I'm just scared of bleeding a lot at work. Emotionally I feel work will help for a distraction. I dont feel under pressure to go in and will take time off if I feel I need it.

So my main fears are how bad a natural MC will be. And getting pregnant again. It just feels like all my hopes and dreams have been dashed but we did conceive after the first time of trying.

I worry about my age (33) and being overweight (bmi 37, and 17 stone). I blame myself somewhat for the MC because my weight and how anxious I tend to be. I suffer a lot from anxiety.

Any help advice or other stories would be greatly appreciated. I'm just feeling really crap and low at the moment.

[Krazynights34]

Please please don’t blame yourself it is not your fault. Many miscarriages happen because of genetic problems- I had two at 6 weeks (one naturally at 6 weeks- it was just like a heavy period and one missed Mc at 6 weeks that, like you, didn’t “come out”.) for the second Mc I had a medical managed Mc (tablets) which caused a good deal of pain but I had strong painkillers. Not much bleeding. I stayed in the hospital for that one.
I had my first daughter at 38 (though sadly she was stillborn) and my second at 42. My second has genetic issues so I guess that was behind the first two MCs.
Can you have anyone to be with you at home and perhaps consider a medically managed MC rather than the d&c?
I don’t know which is better to be honest.
I think, aside from the sadness, at such an early stage pain isn’t too much of a factor.
My deepest condolences and thoughts are with you.
Re your health- can you have a chat with a GP about how to get best ready to try again?

[BlueRM]

Hi @krazynights34 thanks for coming back so quickly on my post.

I am trying not to blame myself but it is hard.

I have my husband as my absolute rock through this so if at the scan next week they need to intervene I will have him with me should I chose the tablets, etc.

I am hoping we can start trying again in the new year. I am going to continue to take my folic acid as I have heard that helps and still take vitamins as they have helped my energy levels and my anxiety.

I am so sorry for everything you have been through and I cant even begin to imagine how you cope with a still birth. The only positive I take from this is that I didn't feel very pregnant so there wasnt much bonding there. Sending hugs your way for everything you have been through xxx

[Krazynights34]

Thank you! Honestly I don’t know how I did either, but I think that sometimes the more bad things that happen the more resilient we get. Plus I almost died with the stillbirth so I think it was partly the joy of still being alive!
I’m glad your husband is a rock!!
Do take the folic acid and vitamins.
If it makes you feel better for future attempts maybe try a little exercise regime, like a walk every evening even in the rain...Cut out booze if you drink. That kind of thing.
It’s not going to be your fault though we mothers do always go to blame ourselves.
Positive thoughts for the new year!

[BlueRM]

Thanks again for your kind words. I can't tell you how nice it is to speak to someone who's been through this.

Yes I really would like to start eating better and exercising more, which will also help with my anxiety etc. I dont drink too much regardless and I haven't had a drink in 3 months. I might allow myself a cheeky one over Xmas.

I just hope and pray by my 2nd scan on Tuesday, I will have passed everything naturally. But if not I will then have to access if I need help to get in moving

[BlueRM]

So a bit of an update on my situation.

I naively carried on with my life, social events and work last weekend and early this week. At work on Monday afternoon I started feeling in a lot of pain and had to stay in the toilet for ages. I couldn't concentrate on anything else so drove my long commute (32 miles) home and proceeded to have to breathe through contraction like pain all the way at home.

When I finally got home I was bleeding a lot and was in absolutely severe pain so my husband drove me almost screaming to A +E. When we got there it felt like everything dropped out of me it was terrible and shocking. However I still kept getting waves of pain.

Eventually when I got seen to by a doctor they removed a lot of the clots manually which eased up the pain and put me on an IV drip. I then went up to the Gynae Ward where the doctor wasn't able to scan me but manually removed more of my clots. They prescribed me some antibiotics to prevent against infection.

When I was released to go home I finally thought it was over but on the scan the next day the nurse informed me that it was "all still in there" I was heartbroken as I just wanted to have it over and done with. The nurse was also annoyed that I had been going into work and told me to get signed off. They said they wouldnt be able to do a D and C until next week so they sent me away with a prescription for co codamol. Tuesday evening I seemed to begin to get contractions again so I took the co codamol but this all seemed to subsided with me only passing a few clots. I had to tell a few people at my work as I was signed off sick for the rest of the week.

Yesterday I managed to get the D and C booked for next Wednesday. So I will just have to wait till then unless it passes naturally before then.

I just hate how drawn out this is. I just want it over and done with so that I can move on with my life. And enjoy Christmas.

[Krazynights34]

Oh you poor woman!!! How hideous. I’m so sorry.
I’m thinking of you. I hope your DH is caring for you. Stay home and watch crap tv etc - anything to take your mind of it. This is so sad to read

[EmmaLS]

First of all, I am so so sorry that you’re going through this . I had a missed miscarriage mid September and like you i felt it was a drawn out process when all you need to do is start to move on mentally and physically. I had my MMC medically managed which wasn’t pleasant but it was one day in hospital so nothing in comparison to the heartache you feel when it happens.
I took 2 months off work to heal and grieve properly however everyone is very different so if you feel like work is the best for distraction then go for it, but if you aren’t up for work then you have to be honest with yourself and don’t feel bad for any one else’s sake!
Take care of your mind and your body and please do not blame yourself for what happened! There is no knowing for what causes this to happen and unfortunately it happens to all too many of us strong women.
I hope you manage to enjoy Christmas, best wishes for the future x

[BlueRM]

Thank you both. DH and family and friends are all being so supportive.

I just wish I'd opted for the D and C straight away so that I could get on with my life. The problem is the physical things are eclipsing my emotional pain so I don't feel like I have the head space to grieve.

I definitely want this done before Christmas as I'm flying to Ireland for a few days.

Sorry for everything you both have been through. I feel awful so many ladies have to go through this xx

[Krazynights34]

I’m also going to Ireland soon(though to be fair I’m from Ireland).
I hope it’s a good place to grieve, get space and get peace.
And I hope all goes well on Wednesday.
Keep us posted.

[BlueRM]

Thanks @Krazynights34 my Mum's family is from there so we are having a Christmas meal and doing some sight seeing in Dublin. So I just want to be back to normal for the flight and the few days over there. I just hope I don't get the question "when are you and the husband having kids then?" thrown at me. We only got married 10 months ago so I prepared to be asked that.

I'll definitely keep you posted on Wednesday. It feels so nice to have the support.

[BlueRM]

Hi Both,

So I have the D and C yesterday but we arrived at 7:30am as instructed but I wasn't seen until 2pm! So I felt incredibly dehydrated and frustrated.

The actual procedure was fine with the GA and everything. But when I went back onto the ward my HR was too high. So in the end they kept me in overnight even though everyone knew this was probably down to my anxiety having had waited around dehydrated all morning and then nervousness about being on the ward overnight.

I barely slept overnight as they come in every 4hrs to check BP and HR. So in the morning I really felt fed up as my HR wasn't coming down. However after speaking to a lovely doctor and her actually telling me exactly what was happening (to alleviate my stress) she wasn't too concerned as I generally felt fine and my BP and temp was okay it was just my HR pushing over 100BPM at rest. She also checked my bloods and I wasn't showing as anemiac at all - big phew.

The bleeding hasn't been too bad, I had a few really big clots straight after the surgery but minimal pain (they offered me pain relief frequently). The bleeding is barely there now and I'm finally home - yay!!

I'm just hoping I can recover quickly and the bleeding stops at some point.

The other annoying thing was signing the form for what I wanted to do with the "Products of conception" I refused to write down how I was related to it - I think that should be bloody obvious!!

My only fear now is if Hubby and I try again and it doesn't work out - my body failed to MC naturally and my body reacted badly to the anaestic for the D&C so it frightens me thinking of being pregnant again. Yes, I know there is a potential that things will be different but it's just fear of the unknown.....