Early mc of unplanned baby

[Ella1980]

I'm 38 and in a very happy relationship. I have two children aged 8 and nearly 12 from a previous marriage that I share 50:50 care with my ex. My fiance has no bio kids.

Had a unusual bleed three days ago and realised my period was late. Thought nothing of it as on mini pill that I take religiously.

But mum (retired nurse) advised me to take a pg test and to our total shock it was a positive.

Despite being a shock my fiance was very happy and so supportive, we don't have much financially but we'd get by.

Long story short, started spotting on and off and then bleeding slightly. I've had mc's before with ex-husband but also a bleed with my eldest so was quietly optimistic.

However, took another test a while ago and it's now negative 😢

Although the baby wasn't planned he/she was much wanted and I feel desperately sad for my fiance who went through mc several times with his ex-wife (they sadly never ended up having children for many reasons).

I do worry that at 38 I was just too old?

I'm so sorry for all of you going through miscarriage and baby loss, it's horrible at whatever stage, whether planned or unplanned.

I'm so glad I can touch base on here with people who understand x

[JustHavinABreak]

I'm so sorry for your loss @Ella1980. This is such a sad time for you and DP, and I know that the instinct is to look for reasons....it's my age, something I ate, something I did, something I didn't do....but just stop. It isn't your fault. You're only 38....that's young for starters. Sadly, this little one just wasn't meant to be. Im sorry.

[Ella1980]

@JustHavinABreak Thank you so much for your reply. Even though I've had miscarriages before (later than this one) and this pregnancy wasn't expected, it still hurts. I feel most sad for my fiancé as he doesn't have any children of his own and I know how much this little one would have meant to him.

The positive thing that has come out of this is that I am sure now that we would like to start trying for a baby. I'm 38 now so don't want to leave it much later.

I suffer from very bad health anxiety which has been getting in the way; I suppose I've just been putting it off in my head and coming up with excuses due to fear.

But when we first found out I was pregnant my fiancé was so, so understanding and just "got" all of how I was feeling. I guess I feel closer to him than I ever have before and now it just feels the right time for us because of how we coped together in our loss if that makes any sense?

[JustHavinABreak]

It makes perfect sense. This little one has allowed you to trust yourself again and that you're stronger than you think.

Health anxiety is a terrible thing but when someone else knows you're dealing with that, it makes it a bit easier because they can help you to separate what is genuinely a cause for concern and what is unnecessary anxiety.

I wish you all the best for your BFP. Take good care of each other x