Miscarriage delayed grieving?!

[VME15]

I had a miscarriage about 10 weeks ago. I was 7-8 weeks. I felt like I wasn't really upset for very long, i cried that night and the next morning and then i seemed to have accepted it although i couldn't say it out loud to anyone and my mum still doesn't know (my husband of course does). But lately i seem to be doing a lot of things wrong in work, silly things and my mind seems to be elsewhere and not focused. I then cant stop thinking about the things i've done wrong for days although theyre not really that big of a deal. Or if i say something really stupid, it plays on my mind and i cant stop thinking about it. I feel like i'm going a little bit crazy! I dont know if this has something to do with the miscarriage. Has anyone else felt anything similar? Or grieved months after their miscarriage?

[Jelly67]

Hello, I'm so sorry for your loss . It's not uncommon to have a delayed reaction particularly when it happens so early on, you sort of accept it quickly initially as you never had much time to get used to the idea anyway.
I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks and I was back in work the next day as we were in a crazy busy period. I was very sad but put it aside until months later when it really hit me. I didn't really experience it in same way as you but I started feeling angry/disinterested in work. I actually called in sick then (months after, said it was flu) and just spent a few days by myself thinking, crying and walking. Felt much better after!
I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your mum but if it's in any way good I think you should tell her. It might help to talk to her. If not, can you talk to your partner?

[VME15]

Thank you for replying! I think i may be going through the same sort of thing. The only saving grace was that i miscarried on the first day of a weeks holiday but i went to work as normal on the Monday after and i guess just tried to carry on as normal.
I don't really feel anger but i do feel envious of other women now. Both my sisters that have had 2 children with no problem and my friend who got pregnant and now has a child at the first try!
I find myself lately calculating how many months and days i would be if i were still pregnant.
It didnt help that a few weeks ago i went to a family party and got asked 3 times when i would be having children... it annoyed me before but it infuriates me now!

[Jelly67]

Oh i feel your pain! I remember having 3 very close friends announce their pregnancies very shortly afterwards (all on first try too, grrr!). I also had baby showers, christenings & new baby visits, and seemed to spend so much time in baby shops buying presents too.
Ugh getting asked that is so horrible, I can't believe people are still so insensitive.
But...
Your time will come (hopefully)! I was very lucky that just over a year after I miscarried, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who's here beside me right now. I still mark the date though of the other little angel as that's important too.
Wishing you all the best.

[VME15]

Thank you so much!

[InDreamland]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think that you absolutely can get a delayed reaction to a MC and grieve later. It's not helping when people ask intrusive, rude and insensitive questions. You could make them squirm and feel really embarrassed and uncomfortable and tell them it's not that simple and you lost your baby but only if you feel comfortable doing that - I think that's what I'm going to do from now on.

Take all the time you need to grieve and heal emotionally

[Toughtimemum]

I had a miscarriage at about 8 weeks pregnant in 2016...the pregnancy wasn't planned but I knew I wanted it when my test showed positive.
I started spotting soon after and had a few follow up appointments at the hospital- one of which was very very traumatic for me.
I feel like when you miscarry it's drummed into you that "it's common" and "it happens a high % of people" you're kind of made to feel that it's the norm which I think can have an effect on the grieving process.
I felt awful after, I saw myself resenting other mums...I'd see a mother smoking and swearing and shouting at her kids and think why her and not me? How is it fair? (I feel terrible for judging her, but my head wasn't in a good place)
I think that you're hormones also play a big part, your body was preparing for a baby your oestrogen levels would be up etc, it's going to take time to level out again.
People grieve differently, yours sounds like it may be a little delayed and that's ok. Just acknowledge it, talk about it, share your feelings and allow others to support you.
I have a little girl now, she'll be turning 1 next week but I still get upset and do sometimes cry when I think back on my experience.
Talking helps x