Bitter & Jealous Feelings

[Hopeful2102]

One of my best friends told me yesterday she’a pregnant. Around this time last year I found out I was pregnant thought there were problems went for two scans & there was a heartbeat. Went for another scan a couple of weeks later, there was no heartbeat.

I felt heartbroken simply because I was starting to let myself get excited, trying to tell myself everything was okay. The pregnancy was a surprise.

When my friend told me yesterday my first feeling was jealousy... I feel terrible for this. I’ve had two abortions in the past and can’t help but feel like this is karma. I didn’t want to have the abortions but I know trying to explain to people who are judgemental won’t work so I won’t get into it.

I feel like a horrible friend & so emotional at the moment, not really sure what to do.

[forcookssake]

I'm so sorry. I was pregnant this time last year, then found out at 10weeks the was no heartbeat and growth had stopped at 5-6weeks
I too feel awful with every pregnancy announcement, a dreadful mixture of jealousy, bitterness and bone-aching sadness.
You have my sympathies, I hope it gets easier.

[Hopeful2102]

I was 10 weeks too. It’s horrible to deal with, I think what makes it worse is we’re all in a group chat as friends which is where she announced it but then offered to keep it out the group if it’s upsetting but I said no because it feels selfish. But we talk pretty much every day so now it’s just literally grin and bear it for the next 9 months.

[InDreamland]

I'm so sorry for your loss OP and that you find yourself here. Don't be hard on yourself, you've been through a very traumatic and devastating event and everything you're feeling is natural.

You clearly love your friend otherwise you wouldn't feel bad for feeling the way you do. I can relate, it took us 5 years TTC to finally get a BFP only to have a mc at the end of the first trimester. Heartbroken doesn't come close to describing how I feel and I too feel jealous ....... and bitter, envious and angry whenever I see any babies or pregnant women. I can't cope seeing prams or any pregnancy/birth announcements on social media. I've deliberately stopping following people on Facebook so I don't have to see constant updates because it just affects me so badly. I was bad before I got pregnant amd since the mc I'm even worse. It's a horrible feeling but it is natural to think "why me" and how unfair it is and wonder if I'm being punished for something.

It's okay for you to feel the way you do. You're grieving your loss. Go easy on yourself

[princessbala]

I'm so sorry for your loss :( I've had 5 mcs myself, and I am currently in the middle of the most recent one.... I read something I line which helped me.... you never know the struggles that people have with having their babies, so try not to be jealous because you don't know their journey. As hard as that is because it's only natural to feel it, it has helped me.
My brother is currently pregnant, and they've been told this is the only baby they can have, so I'm trying to be happy for them but it is difficult :(