I've never felt so alone

[SomethingCleverandWitty]

I've suffered multiple miscarriages recently and I am struggling so much with this loneliness I am feeling. I can feel myself sinking into depression.

I am TTC my first but everyone in my life has children. Even my partner from a previous relationship. I feel like I have no one who is in the same boat.

The cause of our losses is my balanced translocation so there's a very real possibility I may go through this a lot more times. I don't know what to do with myself.

The thought of never having a child makes me sick. At the moment I feel I don't want to live if that were my future. I think people feel I'm being dramatic but right now I am so lost.

My best friend has just gleefully sent me pictures of her positive pregnancy test (when she knows everything I'm going through) and I can't help but be anything but happy for her.

[Hillside88]

I can completely empathise with how you feel right now it’s so so much harder when you know other people where everything is going well.

About an hr ago AF arrived for this month and I had a huge crying fit to let it all out, I’ll probably feel rubbish for the next few days and then I’ll start to pull myself together again until next month.
I’ve been TTC since Oct 16. Pregnant in Aug 17 and 13 week miscarriage Nov 17, id even had the 12 week scan and everything was fine. Pregnant again March 18 and miscarried 9 weeks later ☹️

Last week some close friends of our gave birth to there 2nd and my best friend is due to give birth literally any day now. I’m happy for them but incredibly resentful at the same time, makes me feel guilty! My best friend is very supportive and has given me lots of space, our other friends not so much, I feel like they are rubbing my nose in it however I’m sure that’s my own paranoia right now

Really struggling to stay positive but I lean lots on my husband, he is my rock and helps me see things more rationally. My best advice is lean on your partner, they feel the same more than you know apart from that just know I feel for you and sending lots of hugs from someone in the same boat xx

[SomethingCleverandWitty]

HillSide88 & MoonPeace

Thank you for your posts. I'm so so sorry you're going through this too.

I can't speak to my friend. I don't know what I'd say. I feel sad that I've lost one of the people I confide in about how I'm feeling but I'd just feel pathetic talking to her about this now.

My partner is wonderful. He's a very glass half full type of person and is begging me to stay positive. It's very hard though.

I have a fact sheet about balanced translocation which says 'most men and women with a balanced translocation can and do have children'. I just have to read it over and over again when I have a panic attack to bring me back down.

I feel utterly useless and broken and ashamed of my body

[InDreamland]

I'm so sorry to read this and for your losses OP.

Have you spoken to your GP about how you're feeling and sought some counselling?

I absolutely understand the feelings of despair, hopelessness, loneliness (even if you have people around you) and depression. Please don't feel pathetic about how you think and feel, those feelings are real (something I've been saying a lot this past 2 weeks with my first pregnancy and mc). I will think and feel how I do and will make no apologies for them because they are real as is the grief.

I hope you can find someone to speak to and let it all out. I've found all the ladies here on MN a real help and support. I hppe one day soon you will have a healthy full term pregnancy and DC x

[SomethingCleverandWitty]

@InDreamland thank you.

I haven't spoken to the GP yet. I have sent a self referral to a local NHS counselling place but honestly I don't have a clue what their waiting times are etc... I'm not expecting to hear anything soon. Would a GP referral be quicker do you think?

I'm so worried about my mental health should this keep happening. I hope I can distance myself in the future but I don't know how possible that will be.

[SomethingCleverandWitty]

Thank you MoonPeace I hope you get the answers you're looking for and that you get your happy ending

I am mid twenties and I worry I will just be told I have loads of time. I know I'm lucky in that respect but it doesn't help the way I feel right now. Feeling very hopeless regardless.

I think I'll try and make an appointment x