Did I cause my miscarriage?

[MrsR81]

Hi all,
I'm a Mother of one, following ivf
I discovered i was pregnant a couple of months ago, which was a surprise, but we were happy.
Before I found out I was pregnant, at about four weeks, I went out for the night and drank a lot. (a couple of glasses of prosecco, an espresso martini, and three glasses of pina colada).
Last week, at nine weeks, i miscarried. The transvaginal scan I had suggested that the foetus was between 6 and 8 weeks old when it died.
I can't get over thinking that perhaps the night out I had was the cause of it.
What do you think?

[53rdWay]

No, you didn’t.

The vast vast majority of early miscarriages happen because something’s gone wrong genetically. That happened at the moment the sperm met the egg, maybe even before sometimes. You didn’t cause it and you couldn’t have done anything to stop it.

Sorry for your loss, it’s horrible

[Bringonspring]

I’m soo sorry for your loss. You 100% did not cause this lost. I had two miscarriages and I found it hard that there wasn’t reason for it, just wasn’t meant to be.

Wishing you well xxx

[BabloHoney]

So sorry for your loss going out drinking didn’t cause your miscarriage. Lots of women who aren't planning pregnancy go about their normal lifestyles. The most common cause of miscarriage is a problem with the chromosomes that would make it impossible for the fetus to grow and develop normally, there wouldn’t have been anything you could have done.
Be kind to yourself, rest, grieve, cry if you need to, & take care xx

[WLmum]

Absolutely not. It's such a hard thing to go through, particularly when you've tried so hard to get pg. it's only natural that you will look for all possible answers as to why, but as others have said, something was not right at conception/implantation/development stage. You couldn't prevent it. Be kind to yourself.

[MrsR81]

Thank you for your responses. I'm getting to tell myself it isn't my fault, but I think I need to have a reason for it. Something I'm going to have to just get over I think.

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

No. Of course you didn't

[Loandbeholdagain]

Defintely not. It sucks and there seems no rhyme or reason. Sometimes that feels harder that blaming ourselves but it really isn’t your fault.

[Aprilmightbemynewname]

Bad stuff is passed via the umbilical cord. Your baby didn't even have one developed yet.

[sycamore54321]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I read the thread title and right away thought "almost certainly not". Then I read the post and now think "definitely not".

It's incredibly difficult to cause a miscarriage, and it's virtually impossible to prevent one. Logically you probably know this already, you just can't believe it when applied to your case. Alcohol in pregnancy, if consumed in large quantities and with high frequency, can sometimes problems. But there is zero link between a single night drinking (likely before your baby was even in contact with your own bloodstream, from how you describe it), and miscarriage. None.

What would you say to a friend in your situation? "Yes, it's probably your own fault, you did this"? Of course you wouldn't. You'd acknowledge how much she was hurting and how desperate she was for a reason and let her know that nothing was her fault. Can you apply that same approach to yourself?

I know it's so tempting to want know exactly why, not least to guarantee next time will be different and to pretend that we have control over these things. Sadly we don't. Very early pregnancy is not yet fully understood and there is very little that can be done to help support a pregnancy, or to end one in the early days.

Does your hospital have a support service for people dealing with pregnancy loss? I found mine very helpful when struggling through my miscarriages.

Best wishes.

[mommybear1]

No you absolutely did not OP I am so so sorry for your loss and I am sure the choruses of MN will not take your own self blame away but you absolutely did not cause this. Have you got anyone in RL to talk to? Thinking of you OP

[Elephant07]

Definitely not. So many people drink before hearing they are pregnant- no link. Sometimes it just happens. So sorry for your loss.

[Sunshineworshipper]

I'm sorry for your loss. Absolutely no way did you cause this. Back in my mum's day everyone used to drink during pregnancy. Miscarriages happen for so many reasons, they are also sadly very common 1 in 4. Don't beat yourself up.