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Don’t want to be here anymore....

(19 Posts)
Kate8989 Mon 09-Apr-18 21:07:04

Feeling my life is going from bad to worse...
Had a MC in January, had pelvic pain daily since mid Feb.
Now preparing for a laparoscopy in 2 weeks, in emotional and physical pain everyday.
I had an internal check a few weeks back and he thought he could feel something. So I’ve convinced myself I have the most severe form of endometriosis that won’t be treated this time and I’ll have to have numerous extensive surgeries.
I’ve gone from a happy 27 year old having a healthy sex life with her Husband trying for a baby... to sitting around the house with hot water bottles stuffed down her pants in pain.
I don’t think there’s many more days I can wake up and live like this....

OP’s posts: |
retirednow Mon 09-Apr-18 21:10:44

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you feel like this, we are all here for you and your husband. flowers

Aw12345 Mon 09-Apr-18 21:11:31

Gosh you poor thing :-( I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.

I don't have any words of wisdom or experience but all I can say is that it will get better, don't give up, you can get treatment. I know 2 people with severe endometriosis (1 also has polycystic ovaries) and they both have happy, healthy children and very fulfilled lives. And anyway, it may not even be that :-)

Hang in there :-) it's tough now but will get better (ps make sure you get meds for the pain, no point in suffering)

Kate8989 Mon 09-Apr-18 21:16:01

I just can’t believe how much my life has changed, I can’t come to terms with it. I’m resting all my hopes on this laparoscopy finding something and treating it. I really don’t think I could carry on if they said there was nothing they could do and I’d have to live like this any longer.
I’ve got some pain meds but they’ve really upset my stomach so I try and take a break from them.
I don’t go out, get dressed. Made no plans for the foreseeable... don’t want to have sex as I’m scared of pain.
I really don’t want to wake up in the morning....

OP’s posts: |
Aw12345 Mon 09-Apr-18 21:19:50

Have you spoken to the Dr about how you feel emotionally?

Completely understandably this has hit you really hard (you've had a very tough time) so it may be worth them giving you something to help lift your mood? Or someone you can talk to who has been through this before?

There will certainly be something they can do, may not be a miracle cure but they will help you, I'm sure of it :-) it is very hard now but it's just a phase and you will come through the other side stronger.

You've had such a hard time. Is your husband supportive?

Kate8989 Mon 09-Apr-18 21:25:07

My Husband is unbelievable! I’m very lucky to have him and he’s the only good thing I have in my life, so thank goodness for him.
The DR hasn’t been very helpful, saying try and bring my lap forward but that’s not possible as I tried and unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. He didn’t appreciate my emotional suffering and his advice was not helpful as I can’t “bring it forward”. I have a date like millions of women and I know I’m “lucky” I only have to wait 2 weeks.
I couldn’t deal with endometriosis, that’s a battle in itself and I’m already f*** up enough as it is. I am broken physically and emotionally

OP’s posts: |
Kate8989 Mon 09-Apr-18 22:01:53

I have daily panic attacks... I go to bed anxious, agitated as I don’t know how the pain will be. I just frickin hate my life. I look at my Husband and think I’d LOVE to be you

OP’s posts: |
Aw12345 Mon 09-Apr-18 22:07:25

Really pleased your husband is good :-) that's brilliant :-)

Go and see another GP, I have had this similar thing before (but with another health problem) and when I went to see another Dr they understood more the impact it was having on my life. They may not be able to bring lap forward but should be able to offer you support for your anxiety and emotional support... We're all only human! There's only so much anyone can take!!

Kate8989 Tue 10-Apr-18 07:33:40

I know, I’m actually going to see the nurse today for something else. I’m very tempted to go back on the pill for a while to see if it helps with the pain. I mean we’re not having sex, so If they find and remove something during the lap I’ll just come off the pill again.......
I don’t know what to do, my head is all over the shop. All I want is a baby x

OP’s posts: |
Aw12345 Tue 10-Apr-18 11:47:22

Glad you're going to see the nurse :-) see what she says :-)

Kate8989 Tue 10-Apr-18 14:28:13

Nurse didn’t recommend pill, said I should wait until after the laparoscopy and see what happens with that.
Still feeling crap today, really bad back pain... laid up on the sofa with hot water bottle 😢 x

OP’s posts: |
Aw12345 Tue 10-Apr-18 18:07:31

sad sounds horrible :-( the wait for lap must feel endless but hopefully one day you'll look back on it and be really proud that you got through this horrible time :-(

Mama05070704 Tue 10-Apr-18 18:14:20

I’m so sorry for your loss, I know how heartbreaking it is. I’d definitely think about talking to you’re GP about the way you’re feeling emotionally.

I have PCOS and endometriosis (so severe that 3 consultants have refused to treat it laparoscopicly). I had IVF to conceive my first 2 pregnancies; my first ended in a missed miscarriage. When my eldest was born via section, my endo caused me to haemorrhage and I was told there was 0% chance I’d ever conceive naturally as my tubes and ovaries were so damaged. I fell pregnant when DS was a year old and now have a 1 year old and a 2 year old.

Letloose Tue 10-Apr-18 18:16:39

I completely know how you feel! I have cysts on my ovaries and also in pain every single day its disgusting! Most nights I go to bed crying because once I stop moving around the pain instantly gets worse. Iv had all sorts of tests as they thought it could be something else but no it’s my 3rd cyst I have to have removed. My stomach is covered in scars and I’m only 25. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone! I hope you do get this sorted op!

Kate8989 Tue 10-Apr-18 19:10:01

@Mama05070704 goodness me your story is inspirational. Thank you for sharing it.... I feel a bit of a fraud as I’ve only really had pain for a couple of months. When I look back over the years yes I’ve probably had the odd symptom of endometriosis but nothing that really bothered me so I never went to the doctor. Most of my problems are in the bowel so wondering if I have Endo around there. I’m forever Googling and scaring myself. I’ve forgotten what my personality is like, I’ve been bloody miserable for so long.
@LetLoose- how do you cope with the pain? I think mines more bowel related so in the pouch of Douglas maybe? I get pains in my pelvis and back and sometimes rectum. I’ll only know for sure after. Is laparoscopy x

OP’s posts: |
Kate8989 Tue 10-Apr-18 19:11:26

@Aw12345 thank you I hope so! I just want to get back to normal!!! Xx

OP’s posts: |
Mama05070704 Tue 10-Apr-18 19:35:05

@kate8989, I asked my GP to check for endometriosis as a teenager but got fobbed off. Like you, I suffered with my bowel the most and although I had periods of intense pain, it has never been constant. It turns out my bowel is covered - I wish I’d pressed the issue 20 years ago as it may not have got this bad! I had a ultrasound a few weeks back and the adhesions were visible but at this point, the only thing by consultant will offer me is a womb ablation, which doesn’t make a great deal of sense. I hope you get it sorted soon and you start to feel better, physically and emotionally. Be kind to yourself! X

Kate8989 Tue 10-Apr-18 19:39:48

@Mama05070704 thank you! They think mine is in the Pouch of Douglas which I know presents a lot of bowel problems in itself. I don’t think it’s on my womb or ovaries as I don’t really have problem periods not heavy or anything like that. I’m hoping it will be a straightforward lap and they can just remove what they find and 🤞🏻 I can move on with my life! X

OP’s posts: |
Letloose Wed 11-Apr-18 21:46:25

I find the pain isn’t as bad when I’m moving around I do have children so I’m none stop anyway but I also have to take pain killers. I’m waiting for another op so will just have to see what it’s like after that. I thought it may have been bowels for me too but after having a lot of tests it’s not it’s just never ending at the minute some days are better than others just have to take it as it comes. Sorry I know that’s no help xx

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