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Told baby news on my lost baby's due date

(6 Posts)
Floss89 Sat 28-Oct-17 19:25:48

I lost my baby at 20 weeks earlier this year. My due date was this week. I went to visit my sil with my kids and she told me her baby news. I am so hurt she chose this week to tell me plus with my kids and her kids playing around us so I had to try to hold it together. She is 15 weeks so could have told me earlier or even one week later. I would have preferred if she told my dh, her brother, first or at least when we were alone. She knows I'm hurt and angry. Plus now I feel guilty for ruining what should be a happy announcement for her. I feel awful for feeling the way I do. I am happy for her but I feel it was cruel the manner and time in which I was told. Any advice on how to handle this. We see each other a lot. Our kids are close.

Neolara Sat 28-Oct-17 19:33:50

I'm sorry for your loss. I can imagine you feel very hurt.

At 15 weeks, maybe your sil felt you might guess and there was no getting away from saying something now.

I didn't loose a pregnancy as late as you, but I had 4 mcs. I felt bloody furious at times. With the distance of time, I can see that much of my rage was displaced.. Generally people were trying to do and say the right thing as they saw it, but anger is part of grief. It sucks. You just have to endure it and after enough time, you start to feel more normal. At least that was my experience.

timeisnotaline Sat 28-Oct-17 19:37:24

I agree that at 15 weeks she might think she couldn't hide it. Was there an opportunity at 14 weeks. The other thing is , people forget dates. I had a friend mc at 17 weeks and I cared very much but I had to frantically go through whatsap and emails to try and find the due date to make sure I was in touch (we live in different countries). I just couldn't remember. 6 other friends had babies in the intervening time and I was pregnant, dates don't stick at all with me.

Floralnomad Sat 28-Oct-17 19:42:36

Perhaps she had simply forgotten your due date , that's the sort of thing you would obviously remember with such a late loss , but not necessarily something that would stick in the mind of someone else . Sorry for your loss but I doubt this was a deliberate act on her part .

Floss89 Sat 28-Oct-17 19:48:51

Thank you. She hadn't forgotten as we spoke about it the week before. That's why I find it hard to understand why she told me when and how she did.

Floralnomad Sat 28-Oct-17 20:10:44

Perhaps she's a bit thick and thought it would cheer you up

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