i want my baby :(

[sweetpeas2]

hi i'm new here but need someone to relate to. i feel so alone at the moment. i was due approx november but have been so ill its like I've had everything thrown at me from breathlessness to cramping. Last weekend I had spotting so I went to out of hours, I had high blood pressure and protein in my urine, migraine and servere vomiting. I was sent home with anti sickness tablets but i was too scared to take them and luckily the vomiting subsided.
I was told to see my gp when they were open and ask for a scan, as my spotting had subsided and blood pressure was normal i just had back and leg pains i was told i didnt need a scan as my 3 month scan was the coming friday i could wait and she was sure baby was fine.
Friday came, the scanner asked if i'd had bleeding, my tiny baby had passed away at 8 weeks 5 days as its heart had stopped. I felt crushed, the rest of whet i was told was a blur, i took some miscarrage info sheets home. that was yesterday, the pains are alot worse, i dont want to upset my son who has learning difficulties and relys on me being there for him so i'm trying to ride it out at home with a brave face. the pains are coming in waves now, i just want my baby i'm heartbroken my babys passed away. sorry for the long message i have no support really and who i have told havent been very supportive as if its nothing to worry about :(

[Cocoabean25]

I'm so sorry to hear this sweetpea. It's a horrible experience and of course you are missing your baby, I don't think you will ever stop missing them. Talk lots on here - people's replies kept me going as I didn't have much support off the father. Take pain killers, use a hot water bottle and have baths for the pain. My pain lasted a couple of weeks, about one weeks whilst I was bleeding then the week after too. The emotional pain will be much harder. Don't feel like you can't grieve - this was your baby and you have every right to grieve. I spent so long thinking everyone was judging me when I was upset but I don't care about that anymore. I lost my baby 4 months ago and I still miss them everyday and feel sad and lonely without them. Yes it does get easier with time because you learn to live with it, I don't think you ever stop missing them or stop feeling sad. Big hugs to you. I do completely understand how you feel. Happy to chat whenever you need someone xxx

[Polly99]

I'm so sorry sweetpea. I know it's awful.

[sweetpeas2]

thank you both, I'm trying not to think of reasons i could of miscarried today but its a slippery slope. i feel exhausted yet cant sleep, in pain s o i cant do too much. on my own most of today. thank you for your support xx

[Cocoabean25]

Completely understand the exhausted but can't sleep feeling. It's horrible. The doctor told me it's genetic things and problems with the baby that cause a miscarriage not anything the mum does so don't blame yourself. I know it's hard not to blame yourself but try not to. I also found it helpful to buy something in memory of the baby. I got a bracelet with some charms on - one of the charms has the birthstone of the baby's due date on and I love wearing that xxx

[AliceThrewTheFookingGlass]

First of all I am very sorry for your loss, but sweetpea don't torture yourself like that. You didn't miscarry because of anything you did or did not do. You didn't cause this and you couldn't have prevented it. First trimester miscarriages are almost always due to abnormalities of some sort and are a lot more common than people realise.

I've had two miscarriages at 6 and 10 weeks respectively and I like to think of it as my body did the 'kinder thing' I know that sounds strange and even quite heartless but if they weren't healthy and the alternative was a lifetime of pain and suffering for them then I am glad that I had to suffer so they didn't have to IYSWIM?


With regards to your pain, is it still bad and coming in waves?

[Lshe]

so sorry to hear hear this sweetpea.
the only advice I have apart.from.what pp have said is allow your self time to recover emotionally. don't push yourself to feel better. it ended up taking me a year to recover emotionally because I tried to make myself recover far to quickly. good luck and I'll be thinking of you x

[ForeverHopeful21]

Very sorry for your loss Sweatpea. It's such an awful thing to go through. I just wanted to let you know that you have support on here ...it may not be the same as someone in person offering you that hug or shoulder to cry on, but you can always chat / offload / shout and scream on here.

I think there are times after MC that you feel that you have to stop crying, be brave, stop talking about it ...but the best thing is to be true to yourself and your feelings. It's such a sad and tragic thing that has happened.

Like Cocoa said, maybe think of a way in which you can honour the memory of your baby. I bought a necklace, and my DH planted a tree in the garden. In the early days I felt that these things were stupid as they didn't make me feel any better, but 2 months on, I look at that tree and I feel so happy that I was blessed to be pregnant for 3 months. I wear my necklace everyday and it makes me feel that my baby is still apart of me.

Please be easy on yourself xxx

[LennonB]

I just read your thread and I am so sorry for your loss.. I too just joined the site for similar reasons to you, I am also going through miscarriage and really needed some support.

I'm a month or so ahead of where you are now and just wanted to say that it does get easier, trust me! I also agree with what everyone has said about finding a positive way to remember your baby, everyone's different for example I'm getting a tattoo!

I also agree with what people have said about letting yourself greave I really bottled everything up and felt like I shouldn't cry and that's not done me any good! Do you have anyone to talk to?

[PossibiliTea]

I'm so sorry, I know how you feel and it's awful. Reading everyone's posts and stories help but I feel awful so many people have been through this!

I think no matter what the ones we love say to us, only we know how it feels. That it's ok that we are nowhere near ok, and that it's normal to be up and down. It just hurts. But there is hope for us all xx