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Feeling lost and hopeless

(5 Posts)
LittleButton Tue 10-Jan-17 10:35:03

I got my positives on the 23-26th November.... I started bleeding for 3 days 27-29th November ( 4weeks 4 days) ..... I was told to re test in a week and have plenty rest ......I re tested on 3, 4, 5 December and they we're darker positives than before bleeding......... I seen no health professionals in between this time they all just spoke to me via telephone..... I attended my first antenatal appointment on the 29th December at 9 weeks..... then on the 31 December I ended up in the early pregnancy unit with bleeding and cramping..... I had a scan but the couldn't detect anything and my bloods confirmed later that day that it was a definite miscarriage, I feel so let down and hurt, as with my initial bleeding they refused to scan or even do bloods! They allowed me to believe in false hope with my darkening tests after the bleeding that everything was ok! ..... admittedly I was still having terrible pregnancy symptoms!?

The midwife did apologise and say they really should have got me in when I first presented with bleeding to determine the cause and course of action instead of leaving me this long!

I feel emotionally broken! Having went through everything acting as though it was normal yet NOBODY thought to investigate or double check to spare me all of this?! I felt so stupid crying In the hospital yesterday while the ultrasound technician physically hurt me doing and abdominal scan to the point I had to tell her it's sore and I gasped a number of times, she was so abrupt and blunt in her manner! She made me feel like my baby not being there was my fault or I had made the whole thing up! I showed them all my pregnant tests with times/dates and that I had no period in 9 weeks 3 days! I just can't stop crying I'm so sorry this is such a long winded post! Just feel such a failure that I didn't push for more or that nobody thought to check me over! I was naive and believe that they told me thinking they would know best!

I have attracted pictures of my tests the first three were before my first bleed and the other 3 ( darker) are after the bleed

Xx

LittleButton Tue 10-Jan-17 10:35:41

After bleed tests
Xxx

GreedyDuck Tue 10-Jan-17 13:26:49

I'm sorry for your loss.

To be honest though, there is very little that they could have done for you at 4 weeks 4 days, maybe blood tests, but then it would have been a case of medical management or waiting to pass the pregnancy naturally. Could you have self referred to the EPU if you were very concerned? Lines on pregnancy tests aren't a great way of judging if a pregnancy is progressing successfully.

Miscarriages are rubbish, there is nothing good about them, I had surgical management for my second mmc a few days before Christmas, but had known for two weeks that my embryo was measuring very small and unlikely to develop further and we were really waiting for the heartbeat to stop so that they could do the surgery. It had stopped growing at around six weeks. A lot of it is about waiting and seeing in the very early stages, as lots of women have bleeding early on without miscarrying. This time I ended up having four scans, all were uncomfortable as they are trying to get an image of something so incredibly small, and I do find that it tends to feel even worse as you are in emotional pain as well. It helps if you get a nice sonographer, but it's the luck of the draw really.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you are understandably upset about your miscarriage, but I don't really think that there is much they could have done differently. If you want to pursue a complaint though, contact the PALS at the hospital.

Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to process what's happened, the emotional side is tough.

LittleButton Tue 10-Jan-17 19:52:41

I totally understand there's not much that could be done at that early stage, however I am under the care of a gynaecologist/ endocrinologist who has said I would be a high risk pregnancy therefore require careful monitoring....... I was basically not seen by anybody ( gp, nurse, midwife or my consultant) till my midwife appointment at 9 weeks. I had contacted the early pregnancy unit regarding the bleeding after a brief telephone consultation with my gp who refused to see me to confirm my pregnancy or anything?!

The pregnancy test progression was on the recommendation of the early pregnancy unit again in a phone call, they said providing a week had passed since my bleeding and my tests were darker everything would be fine, they told me to call with an update on my pregnancy tests, I called them saying they were still positive a week later and darker than before, they told me at this point they wouldn't need to see me as things were ok and to call the midwife to arrange me antenatal appointments and scan dates! When I called the midwife team they were angry I had not had a viability scan ad I had bleeding and by this point I was 5.5 weeks.... they booked my appointments and told me to call early pregnancy unit to get a scan and bloods done to ensure things were progressing well, They again refused as did my gp! At my midwife appointment she said that my gynaecologist/ endocrinologist from the fertility department should have been notified and I really should have been seen by somebody for careful monitoring!

I guess I kind of feel shattered after miscarrying 8 babies between 6-9 weeks and not long turning 25 that this time seemed more Hopeful! I felt getting the go ahead from the early pregnancy unit multiple times that it was ok and I really trusted them..... I totally understand these things can't be helped but I really tried pushing for more help and check ups due to fertility issues, pcos, pituitary tumour and being on a host of medications that I needed to know if I should have been taking during pregnancy! Yet I had no advice therefore I stopped all my medications the moment I found out I was pregnant...... it was a shock to fall pregnant so I hadn't stopped beforehand!

I just can't help wondering if there could have been something that may have helped prevent it or even prepared me for the possibility that I would miscarry at 9+3, I was so upset when I had my initial bleed/ spotting at 4+4 that I thought it was all over and I had lost my baby then to almost feel I had false hope till it properly happened.... that said nothing showed cause for concern well that I could tell anyway!

Xx

LittleButton Tue 10-Jan-17 23:02:17

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers .... it's really horrible I can only imagine going through it at Christmas time sad xx

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