Hi, I had a miscarriage at 21 weeks feeling still emotional as I miss the feeling of the bump and the baby. It's been 5 weeks and I haven't been back to work since I just don't think I'm ready yet, I've met with one of the team leaders last week who suggested to come for 1 hour to say hello to everyone. Today I found out she has sent an email to everyone in the office stating that I will be coming for a visit and that I have lost my baby and no one should ask me anything. I'm upset about this email as she shouldn't have sent it to everyone in the office(including ppl I don't even know) and adding that I lost the baby ? . This has made me more upset and I don't want to go back to work. My family and friends advising me to contact HR but I'm still emotional abt all this that I don't want to go through them. Have someone had a similar experience and how did you cope please?
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Dreading work after miscarriage at 21weeks
adwoajess86 · 12/09/2016 08:27
Hi Banana82,
Sorry about your loss and your friend's. thanks for the reply and sharing your story and your friends.
I also do believe 5 weeks not enough and Yh she defn breach confidentiality. I'm trying to draft what to say to HR and will contact them ASAP.
Good luck on your recovery!!!!!
So sorry for your loss 
I've lost a dd at 20 weeks and went back to work after 3 weeks, even before the funeral. It was way too soon. My way of coping was to get preg straight away but I sadly lost ds at 19 weeks (turns out had an unknown thyroid problem). I then got signed off by gp for 6 weeks, then after meeting with occupational health another 4 weeks. So 10 weeks in total. Day before I returned I sent some of the office an email explaining what had happened and to tell them I was happy to talk about it and for them not to feel awkward around me. This was MY decision, not my bosses, your team leader should NOT have sent that email without discussing with you first. I was mortified that an office of 30 people knew about my two mcs, it's such a devastating and also private thing to go through....I felt ashamed. I've been back in office since May and to be honest it will never feel the same and I need a change.
Do you have occupational health in HR? Perhaps a one-to-one meeting with them would be better before you face the colleagues in the office.
I'm so sorry for your loss
I had a loss at a similar stage and went back to work too soon, mostly because I had a few friends who had just had babies, and I didn't want to be at home and risk bumping into them.
Not defending the email, but the hardest thing for me was people who didn't know about my baby, and asked me how I was/how long I had left/told me I was looking well. It killed me inside every time, and was really awkward for them, so maybe your team leader has done you a favour sending this around if it means you won't get people asking the wrong questions.
I made my boss aware that it was all still very raw and I needed some flexibility to be able to go for a walk during the day, or leave early if it was all getting too much. They were understanding and let me, mostly because I think they thought it would be easier for me to be in the office and having flexibility than signed off sick.
I'm so sorry you are facing this situation. It is just awful and I wish no one had to. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to PM me
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