Still struggling with late pregnancy loss

[JOMH1982]

I haven't posted on here for a while, but I am still really struggling with the loss of my daughter at 20 weeks back in December. My four year old daughter started school this week, and I had envisaged I would have been taking her with a pushchair in tow, but this was not to be. I ache for my baby so much. We lost two previous pregnancies in 2013 and 2014 at 7 and 10 weeks respectively, and I am grieving not just my losses, but the time that has passed since. My four year old keeps on playing role play games, with her pretending to be me, and her having grown a baby. She was so upset when we lost the baby, and she said last week that she really wanted to be a big sister, which upsets me greatly as we have lost this opportunity three times now and I really didn't want her to be an only child.

We are trying again now having had recurrent miscarriage tests and having found I have a mild blood clotting disorder, and I am just so desperate to be pregnant again now and hope that it will be a case of fourth time lucky. Is there anyone else on this boat? I'm 34 so I know I have a bit of time, but I feel so bitter when I friend has a baby now, and don't like this about myself.

Sorry, just had to get it out, it has been such a tough time and hope it gets easier and that brighter times are ahead. Xx

[Norma27]

Thinking of you. I had one missed miscarriage at 16 weeks. I had already had my section booked which would have been 3 years ago this wk. My daughter was 6 at the time and I actually cried today remembering the screams when I told her she wasn't going to be a big sister.
It does get easier with time and I was lucky enough to get pregnant again and now have a lovely 2year old. I told my daughter that God found something wrong with the baby and had to take it back to try and fix it which seemed to work with her. She then thought it was the same baby later on put back again.
Look after yourself. Xxx

[JOMH1982]

Hi Norma,

Thanks so much for your response, I really appreciate it. So sorry to hear about your loss. You just don't expect things to go wrong after the dating scan, do you :(

J xx

[bluebellsparklypants]

to you

it's hard to move on isn't it, you never forget it's always in your thoughts and it kind of defined who you are now. I would of had an 8 &6 year old if things had been different.
The only thing I can say is take pleasure in your DD now & don't look back as you can miss the now

[KittyandTeal]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

We lost dd2 at 22 weeks and ds at 14 weeks. I'm not sure the pain ever goes. I had a moment at the park the other day watching my dd1 on the roundabout and suddenly I could see (in my minds eye) her pushing her little sister who should have been 15 months.

I have no advice to help unfortunately but I just wanted to say I know how you feel.