It's been a year since late miscarriage

[AnotherOddSock]

Hi. I just feel so incredibly sad at the moment, and I wanted to air my thoughts and feelings in a safe place.

Last year I discovered I was having identical twin girls, but at the 20 week scan they were diagnosed with twin to twin transfusion syndrome. I had laser surgery to try and correct the problem, but it didn't work and 3 weeks later my waters broke. It took two days for labour to begin, by which time I had picked up an infection and was in a bad way when I delivered. They had died shortly before I delivered. I honestly don't know how I got through the next few days, weeks and months. I didn't really want anyone's sympathy, or offers to help, I just said all I wanted was my baby girls back, and seeing as no one could bring them back I didn't want their support. I was is a very very dark place, and right now I feel just the same as I did 12 months ago.

I have tried counselling but I found it awkward and not of much help at all. I've been to support groups but they made me feel worse.

At the moment I am 18 weeks pregnant with a new baby. It's a positive thing in my life, and I am happy, but so very scared. I'm grieving for my twins at the same time as looking forward to my new baby. I don't feel the same excitement as last time because now I know not every pregnancy ends well. It's sad because this baby deserves to be celebrated.

I'm just so sad at the moment. My words can't really express how I'm feeling but I'm sure those of you who have gone through similar can relate. Thank you for reading X

[MrsGlam]

Sorry to hear about your twins .

Congratulations on this pregnancy!
I had two late miscarriages and 6 weeks ago gave birth to my DS.
I know exactly what you mean in the excitement and feeling guilty, i had this but it improved when i felt movements and then when I got past my two previous dates and go to 24 weeks.
I started to bond with him then and the excitement started to build.
Be kind to yourself what you are going through is so dificult and hopefully like me you will get the excitement and bond.

[JOMH1982]

I am very sorry you lost your precious twin girls, life is incredibly cruel sometimes, and the pain stays.

I lost a little girl at 19+6, having lost my waters at 19 weeks, either due to infection, weak cervix, or both. It was the biggest and most traumatic shock as I felt fine. I developed sepsis and we had to terminate the pregnancy to save my life. My situation is different to yours, but the rawness of the pain has been so overwhelming and I was like a mental woman. I'm back at work now after three months off, but "normal" people just don't seem to appreciate how life changing losing a child is, and the emotional pain that lingers.

Counselling and cbt help a little, and attending groups makes me feel less lonely for a small period of time, but the pain is still there, some days more than others.

I am not expecting again, but I can imagine how you're feeling as you'll be worried the worst may happen again. are you under a consultant? Just because you had a tragedy before doesn't mean it will happen again, maybe you'll feel better after you pass the 23 week Mark?

I hope you feel some peace soon xx

[AnotherOddSock]

Thank you for the kind words and I am so sorry for your losses.

Jomh1982 do you think you will try again? X

[JOMH1982]

Hi,

Yes, we will, I'm terrified about trying again, but even more terrified about not. We will just see what our results show today and in a few week's time before we re-embark. The time is helping me to come to terms with our latest loss, so not a bad thing xx