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I can't believe how much it hurts :'(

(16 Posts)
NJ1990 Tue 09-Feb-16 08:58:02

I found out yesterday at a private scan when I should have been 8 weeks and 4 days that there was no heartbeat and development stopped at 6 weeks and 4 days. I was told it's called a missed miscarriage so I have to go to hospital on Wednesday to discuss what's to happen next.

I can't stop crying and I keep thinking why me. Does the pain ever go away because I'm struggling right now?

VashtaNerada Tue 09-Feb-16 09:00:46

So sorry to hear that flowers Yes it does get better but it's okay to give yourself time to grieve. It's a horrible shock.

NJ1990 Tue 09-Feb-16 09:05:53

Thank you x It wasn't the news I was expecting.

Now I have to decide which option to take to remove it and each one scares me. I hate knowing its inside me and there's nothing I can do :'(

Amziix Tue 09-Feb-16 09:10:09

I don't have much advice but I'm so sorry you're going through this thanks

NJ1990 Tue 09-Feb-16 09:17:07

Thank you x I had already made some plans and changes to my life. I can't believe how many people go through this. I think it's great how people you don't even know can come together to offer comfort, advice and support at such a sad time.

Maple14 Tue 09-Feb-16 13:10:19

Just to say I'm really sorry this has happened. It does get easier but right now you will still be getting over the shock of it all.

Lots of people do go through it and come out the other side with happy endings but it is a hard thing to go through for everyone so don't be hard on yourself if you struggle to come to terms with it all. Just because it happens a lot doesn't mean it's easy.

Emmma23 Fri 12-Feb-16 14:23:32

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this I am currently miscarrying my fourth, it does get easier hun time is a great healer but you will always have a special place in your heart for that baby flowers good luck to you X

Sophia1984 Sat 05-Mar-16 19:52:57

It does hurt so much, but it does get better - I promise. I had a slight bleed at 7 weeks and a scan revealed baby hadn't grown at all. I was absolutely heartbroken at first, but you are stronger than you know x

polkadotdelight Sat 05-Mar-16 19:57:22

I'm so sorry for you. I went for a private scan at 8 weeks in my first pregnancy and was told the same, a transvaginal scan at the early pregnancy unit showed a heartbeat but measuring small for age and sure enough the heartbeat did stop the next week. I felt like I'd lost that baby twice.

Nobody can say anything to comfort you and I found that people tried but said the wrong thing. You have to give yourself time and be kind to yourself (and your partner too).

Writerwannabe83 Sat 05-Mar-16 20:26:53

Going through the same here too at 6 weeks pregnant. I POA CB Digital on Thursday for no other reason than because it was there and I wanted to see what result it gave (I got my BFP two weeks ago) and was shocked when it said "Not pregnant". I then went and bought a multitude of other tests which all have negative results too. I spent the day crying and then booked to see the doctor yesterday. She told me missed miscarriages are quite common and she would give me a week to miscarry naturally and if it hadn't happened she would refer me to hospital to discuss 'options'.

As it was I started miscarrying this morning.

I'm glad I found out the pregnancy hadn't worked before the bleeding started, it made it easier to accept. If I'd gone to bed last night in the happy belief I was pregnant and then woke up to all the blood that I woke up to this morning then I would have been distraught. I have spent a lot of time crying today, it's horrible isn't it.

My heart goes out to those who had scans and had to find out that way, how heartbreaking it must have been flowers

Grumpelstiltskin Sat 05-Mar-16 20:58:24

OP this happened to me yesterday. Went for scan at 9 weeks and baby had died, probably just a couple of days after my early scan at 6+5 where a good heartbeat was seen and heard.
Just don't know what to do with myself. Trying to hold it together over the weekend as have family here for Mothers Day (we were going to tell them the good news this weekend) but I'm all over the place. It took us over 2 years and IVF to get to this point so it all just feels hopeless. Dreading the next week.

It is a comfort to hear stories from others but I'm so sad so many have to go through this.

Writerwannabe83 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:23:10

I'm really sorry to read that grumpel

When I was pregnant with DS I had bleeds at 7 weeks, 9 weeks and then a massive fresh red blood bleed at 14 weeks and everything turned out fine, yet I've miscarried this time without a single hint of a problem.

There's just no logic to anything.

My DH is abroad at the moment, has been for the last week so I had to tell him about the miscarriage over the phone. It was awful. I've really struggled going through this on my own.

Grumpelstiltskin Sat 05-Mar-16 21:27:15

Oh writer I'm so sorry you're alone with it at the mo. I can't imagine having to break the news over the phone. You poor thing.

Thank god for MN at this sort of time. I'm very much information-driven so have read as much about stuff as possible but the online support on here is also wonderful and something I'm finding helpful. Do keep posting if you like and I'll be here to chat if needed.

Writerwannabe83 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:34:20

Thanks Grumpelstiltskin.

I actually wasn't going to tell him until he got back because I didn't see the point in upsetting him when he couldn't do anything, but he phoned me on the evening that I found out, asked how my dad had been and I just started crying.

Today's been hard. I was hoping the actual miscarriage wouldn't start until he came back so I would have him here for support but sadly that didn't happen.

I confided in my best friend about it tonight and when I woke up bleeding this morning I asked her if she could have my DS for a few hours (he's 23 months) because I just couldn't cope with him whilst dealing with the blood, the cramps and the emotional upset. She came over straight away to collect him and she kept him for about 6 hours and it really helped just to have that time alone.

The bleeding isn't as heavy as I thought it would be but I don't know what to expect over the next coming days. I just have no idea how miscarriages present as so many women have such different experiences.

My husband is back tomorrow thankfully and I can't wait to have a hug.

I'm not sure how I feel about going back to work on Monday....

Grumpelstiltskin Sat 05-Mar-16 21:43:37

I know, the worst thing about this (well, other than having to go through it at all) is the not knowing. I'm so scared of it all. Hoping I can book in an ERPC on Mon. I've been on progesterone so it's unlikely anything will get started by itself in the next few days and I can't bear the thought of waiting.

How lovely of your friend to help you out, but yes, not nice at all to be by yourself. Hope the pains aren't too bad and glad your DH is back tomorrow.

Emmpp Sat 05-Mar-16 21:57:32

So sorry for your loss!
It will hurt but I can promise you that it will get better with time!
Sounds like a cliche but it actually works. I thought I won't be able to recover mentally after my miscarriage, it took me fair 4 months.

Stay strong flowers

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