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I thought I was OK, but I'm not

(5 Posts)
KiltedKoala Wed 23-Dec-15 02:20:09

Christmas holidays and miscarriage go together for me sad

2010 - Discovered on 8 Dec that sac was empty at normal 12 week scan, ERPC on 13 Dec and bled for several weeks
2014 - Discovered on the Friday before Christmas (at 11 weeks) that heart beat had stopped at 8 wks, ERPC a year ago today
This year - had my first "normal" mc at 6 weeks, about 3 weeks ago.

Don't know if I can face trying again, that's not the issue for me at the moment. I'm just so freaking sad. We do have a DD (3) who is awesome and that helps a lot (and also makes me angry with myself for not managing to give her a sibling).

Everything to do with Christmas, families etc makes me sad. This year I really thought I would be OK as it was well out of the way before Christmas. But the anniversary of the one before seems to have reallly hit me and I'm back at square one sad

Thanks for listening to my self indulgent waffle. It's cathartic to write it down.
Hugs to all those who are struggling and need them this Christmas and best of luck to all of us if we try again in the New Year.

Baconyum Wed 23-Dec-15 02:28:25

Please don't be angry you've done nothing wrong. When I had my 2nd, the 1st one (that I had 'coped' with alone and by basically pretending it hadn't happened) came home to roost in a big way. I've also had other bereavements around this time of year so I get what you mean to a degree.

Have you contacted the mc association? Sought counselling? Could be helpful.

Meanwhile avoid blaming yourself, focus on dd and OH and remember that this time of year and how you are feeling WILL NOT LAST. There will gradually be days that are a wee bit easier, a wee bit less sad until it levels off. You never get back to normal, but you get to a new normal.

And trying again doesn't need to happen if or until you are ready. Medically its best to wait a wee bit anyways.

flowers take care

ICJump Wed 23-Dec-15 05:59:11

I'm so sorry for you loses.

Maple14 Wed 23-Dec-15 08:14:16

Kilted Koala you have every right to feel the way you do. Three losses is hard to take at any time of year.

Our first pregnancy ended last week at 8 weeks after a long time ttc. There seem to be newborn babies and scan pics everywhere I turn at the moment. And so many happy perfect family photos on Facebook, whilst we are still just that 'lovely couple'.

You are not alone, I think everyone who has been through a miscarriage this year, or before, will feel sad at Christmas. And it is only normal to be reminded of the previous ones.

Good luck for next year, I am sure you will feel more positive in the new year.

JoMalones Wed 23-Dec-15 15:24:34

I'm so sorry for your losses. Christmas is a difficult time. I hope 2016 is a better year for you and you can enjoy at least time off over Christmas X

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