Anembryonic pregnancy - how to cope?

[NJ81]

I sadly found out this week at my 12 week scan that my sac is empty and it looks as though my body as reabsorbed the fertilised egg. It was complete shock seeing nothing on the screen. I have to go back next week for a token scan as im 2mm off the guidelines and then we talk about treatment.
We've been ttc for a while and were overjoyed. Had planned to tell family that evening and instead we were just left with emptiness and disbelief.
Has anyone been through anything similar? And how did you cope? Did you have a successful pregnancy afterwards?
Other half is fantastic but I'm a mess. Angry at my body, angry at the early pregnancy bump I still have, scared to leave the house in case a natural mc starts... It's shit to be honest

[Zabzab]

Hi NJ, so sorry you are going through this. I could have written the same post a few weeks ago, was feeling super pregnant, went to a scan at 8 weeks (private) to check all was ok and we were planning to tell the family after that. Got a big shock to see an empty sac on the screen! Like you say it's pretty shit and hard to make sense of, especially with the bump being there and feeling pregnant! I hang on a bit to false hope as it was still early but two weeks after it was double confirmed with another scan. This forum helped massively to prepare myself. I stocked up on maxi pads (double length triple width super bumper ones), black leggings and big black cotton pants (they help secure everything in place), neurofen with codeine, hot water bottle. My husband was traveling for 3 days so I told a good friend who lives close by so that I could call her in case of emergency (I have a 18 month old at home so wanted to make sure I had assistance just in case). I opted for surgical management 2 weeks after the last scan but I knew it could happen before so the waiting game started.. The EPU (early pregnancy unit) nurse told me it is very likely the body will miscarry before 14 weeks. At 11 weeks the bleeding started, like a slow small period. I continued going to work, but made sure I wore black... And on Monday this week (4 days after start of bleeding) the miscarriage started while I was at work. I had the maxi pads with me and the pain killers. I somehow managed to go through it at work. Basically it was a lot of sitting on the loo. I knew what to expect from this forum (it's like a mega period, passing a lot of lumps, the first one takes you by surprise, sorry if it's tmi but I found it useful to know in advance, it's like golf ball sized pieces of liver). I had lower back pain, but I think I was lucky, as I got it through really well, continuing to attend meetings etc. However, not everyone reacts so well, and my advice is to take time off work if you can as soon as it starts. ( if emotionally you are having a hard time take time off anyway before). Some ladies experience very heavy bleeding and even severe blood loss, sometimes needing a and e. Just telling you not to be panicked but to feel prepared.
It greatly helped me to know this is extremely common, it happens for a reason (eg chromosome problems) and is not at all your fault. It's being on the wrong side of the odds that are high! It's terrible when you have been ttc for a while but at least it means the plumbing works!
Emotionally it's super hard, all I'll say is take it easy on yourself, it's a sad time to go through and hopefully soon you can try again (if you want to). The fact it happened once does not mean you are necessarily predisposed to experience it again.
Hope this helps somewhat to prepare. So sorry again you are here today!
All the possible best to you, and don't hesitate to ask anything in case I or the other ladies on here can help. Hugs.

[NJ81]

Thank you so much Zabzab. I'm sorry to hear you went through the same too. The information is really useful. Straight after the scan I was whisked to the midwife and then in contact with an early pregnancy unit who were all great. They have warned me of what may come so I feel a little prepared, although useful to know it usually happens before 14 weeks. Although technically an embryo didn't develop my body thinks I'm at 13 weeks now. Spotting has started but it's very minor, no more than a pant liner a day if that. We're away next week for a long awaited birthday present so hope it happens before or after and doesn't spoil that.
Other half is being great and we will try again as soon as possible. Struggling with having his son over this evening though, sounds harsh but I just don't want to see... X

[HappyAsASandboy]

I am so very sorry that you have to go through this too. It is truly shit, and I completely understand the feeling of betrayal and anger.

I found out when I started bleeding at 9 weeks. I opted for medical management after the confirmation scan a week later. For me, it was just like a heavy period, with some stringy clotty bits, but nothing like lumps of liver. The EPU gave me pain killers that were enough.

I got pregnant very soon afterwards. My baby was born three months after my lost baby would have been due.

Be kind to your self. Book some time off work if you think it will help. If you don't have any leave left and you need time off, talk to your GP. This is hard to talk about to others, and hard to come to terms with on your own; your hopes have been dashed, but none of your family/friends knew about the hopes. If/when you tell them, they learn about the pregnancy and the miscarriage in one go; but you had weeks and weeks in between to build up hopes and dreams.

I am so so sorry.

[NJ81]

Thank you. Think natural mc is starting as is as you describe with very mild cramps. Actually makes me feel better to be moving out of the limbo period. Lovely to hear good news stories of others conceiving afterwards, nice hope. Congratulations on yours.
Told some friends today which actually helped a lot too, surprisingly some have been through it and I didn't know! I'm lucky to work from home and boss is incredibly understanding. Only a couple more days and I break for Christmas, phew. Other half is amazing too so I should really feel quite grateful in the grand scheme. X

[GoApeShit]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I lost my second pregnancy at the start of the year. Having that hope and happiness knocked out of you in the tiniest of moments is beyond devastating. Luckily we hadn't told DS. Went for an early scan, saw a little bean with heartbeat but lost it a week later. Life is really cruel.

I got a lot of support from these boards. They were a lifesaver. Read the 'tips for coping with the practicalities' thread. Take time off work and rest. Do nice things for yourself.

It took me three months to fall pregnant again and I'm now 34 weeks. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

[NJ81]

Ah congratulations on your current pregnancy. It's cruel however what you have to go through to get to that point. I'm praying I don't miscarry a second time as not sure how I'd cope. Natural mc has started (I'd be 13 weeks although for me the fertilised egg never developed unbeknown to me) and going to EPU next week. Feel much better for this so we can move forward and try again. In an odd way it's comforting to know just how common it is x

[GoApeShit]

I never realised how common it is until it happened to me. Then people start talking about it. It's shocking how many women suffer through this.

[Zabzab]

It's true it's much more common than we think, it's just that no one talks about it! NJ how are you getting on?

[NJ81]

I'm doing ok thank you zab. The bleeding seems to have stopped at the moment. Although I go back to hospital in a couple of days. Half hope it's a different story but I know it's not. Just want sorting so we can try again x

[NJ81]

Hope everyone else is ok too. This forum is great as the midwives send you home with nothing at all!