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Please help with how I can help my cousin..

(8 Posts)
Melonhead11 Fri 09-Jan-15 14:59:08

My cousin found out today at her 20 week anomaly scan that her baby has such severe brain & spinal damage that it won't survive outside the womb. They are bringing her into hospital to be induced and deliver the baby tomorrow..
This whole situation is devastating and I feel so helpless. I live in Ireland (she is in England) so I can't even bring round food. Is there anything you can think of gift wise for her that I could send? I'm thinking not flowers as sure she'll get loads.
I just feel so awful for her. She has a 2 year old, should I send something for him??

Melonhead11 Fri 09-Jan-15 18:10:19


ginhag Fri 09-Jan-15 18:32:23

Oh I'm so sorry.

When I had a m/c (I know not the same thing, your poor cousin) my MN posse sent me a bottle of gin. Which meant loads actually.

I know what you mean about food being the first choice to make someone feel looked after. Depending on where she is, a company like 'cook' would deliver a load of 'home cooked' frozen meals (like proper food not convenience stuff) if you spend £50.

Otherwise...well there are things she will appreciate as time goes on but at the moment the pain will be do horrible and raw that the most important thing you can do is telling her how sorry you are for her loss, that you love her and that you are there for her if she wants to talk/cry/rage.

You can plant a tree in the baby's memory?

You sound like a lovely cousin. And you're right about the flowers. X

ginhag Fri 09-Jan-15 18:33:53

And yes a present for the 2 year old is really thoughtful too.

FishWithABicycle Fri 09-Jan-15 18:44:28

It's always nice to send a prezzy for a 2yo but the 2yo probably doesn't know what's happened - something that will keep the 2yo occupied for a while while she's not feeling robust would be good - don't get anything that requires 1:1 parental attention to enjoy.

If you can afford a delivery from Cook that would be an amazing gift, but check there would be freezer space first!

A slanket, a couple of trashy dvds and a big box of chocolates?
Nothing can reduce the pain but time, meanwhile anything that shows that you care but doesn't force her to deal before she's ready is good.

ginhag Fri 09-Jan-15 18:59:43

Yes fish a distraction was what I was thinking- the last thing you'd need is a toy that's too complicated for a 2 y/o.

OP, Amelia rope chocolate bars are amazing so if you were sending that form of comfort that's something really really nice.

It's horrible tho, if someone you love is in pain you want to 'fix' them. But you can't. All you can do is be there if she needs you.

Melonhead11 Fri 09-Jan-15 20:00:52

Thank you for all the lovely suggestions, I'm on the cook website now, great idea! And I'm going to send a barefoot rose which she can plant in her garden. X

rodaream Sun 25-Jan-15 09:52:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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