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how can I support my friends?

(5 Posts)
AmericasTorturedBrow Sun 13-Apr-14 22:07:58

I just found out my friends lost their baby this morning at 38weeks. She's going in to be induced this evening. The dad is really my friend but I adore and get on well with his wife.

I live on the other side of the world, what can I do to show them I love them and am thinking of them? Texts and emails just seem so pointless, anything I can think of saying seems so trivial but sending flowers seems a bit OTT? I was due to visit them when I'm back in the summer and in a month or two I'll broach it with them because of course I still would love to see them, but of course it's too soon to mention it within the next few months.

What can I do in the meantime? I know a card won't be anywhere near enough, but I just wish I was closer to be there for them

jazzyjenbo Sun 13-Apr-14 23:37:32

So sad reading this.. Thinking of your friend.
I've had 2 friends who have late losses and having had a MMC myself I found I just wanted to talk it through!
Ppl skim over the subject but this baby was wanted, will be missed forever and must never be forgotten.
Ask to see a photo if they want to share one.
Send a present for the baby.. A little photo album maybe or a framed picture... You can get ones that have the babies info on. Name, dob, weight etc
Just be a good friend and an ear ready to listen, they will need lots of support x

AmericasTorturedBrow Mon 14-Apr-14 04:24:23

Thanks for responding, do you think it would be a bit intrusive to get some decent meals sent round? If I was in the country I'd probably drop some food over they can just reheat so they don't need to even think about it but I'm a feeder and this May or may not be a good idea? I just feel like the email I sent, much as I did say their baby will always be remembered by us, just came nowhere near to supporting them enough.

I just can't imagine what they're going through sad

bakingtins Tue 15-Apr-14 07:19:03

I think meals would be fantastic, particularly if you can get something they can stick in the freezer and pull out when they just can't bring themselves to be bothered.
Flowers die, which many people have said is another little knife in the gut to the bereaved. A tree or rose might be better, but again how they choose to remember the baby is very personal to them.
Stay in touch, your "giving them space" might feel to them like they have been abandoned or that nobody is allowing them to talk about it. I know it's so hard to know what to say and truly nothing will make them feel better, but it will help to know you are thinking of them and that you care, and that you are there to listen when/if they want to talk.

AmericasTorturedBrow Tue 15-Apr-14 15:33:44

I was thinking I would actually call them tomorrow - it will have been 3 days since she was induced and I'd call him so even if she's still in hospitat he might be home. I worried actually calling might be a bit intrusive but he can always opt not to pick up, then I can leave a message?

Glad that meals idea seems ok - they're both totally non fussy with no allergies etc so it should be fairly easy. Good point about flowers, and they're both avid gardeners so I'm sure they'll find their own way of commemorating their son with a tree or something.

I'll email again today anyway, just so they know I'm still thinking of them


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