Its like a slow motion whirlwind

[BlushingMom]

Hi, I have been lurking here and want to thank you ladies for making me feel normal. Last week Tuesday I went in for my NT/12 week scan. I was actually 13+6. Found out the baby was dead. No heartbeat. The baby measured 8.5 weeks. We were sent home with an appointment for 3 hours later at the EPAU to discuss our options. I knew at that point I just wanted it over with so I never even listened to my options. I told them I want them to put me to sleep and just get it over with. I was booked in for Wednesday morning 7:30am for a ERPC. Next morning they had me booked into a private room and I was first on the list. I was teary, but fine. In fact, I was still in shock so I kept having laugh fits (its how I deal with stress). Until they came to take me to surgery. I started loosing it. By the time they had me in the surgery room I was hysterical. They had to hold me down while I was put to sleep. My husband could not stay in the hospital with me as he had to get our son to school and we took occupation of our new house that day. Husband had to go and do check in and we weren't finished packing. We moved on Thursday. I have not been allowed to do much. As soon as I stand for too long or pick up anything or walk up and down stairs my bleeding gets very heavy and my cramps get bad. Saw the OOHs doc at the hospital last night and he says just to lie on the sofa and do nothing all day. This is so hard. I am surrounded by boxes that need to be unpacked and I can't do any of it. I can't sleep and I can't eat at all so for now I am trying to get smoothies and soup in. Thinking of seeing my GP tomorrow to see if I can get something to help me sleep. And I am so tired of that question 'how are you doing?'. I know people are being nice and they are concerned, but the answer is I don't know how I am doing. I just don't freaking know. I am tired.

I had to go and fetch DS from school today for the first time since it happened and I cried. I can't explain it, but it was just like getting on with real life and I am not ready to get on with real life. I also can't face people that know what happened. I am very involved with the school PTA so they all know what happened, so does the school head.

I am also scared DH won't want to try again. My son is almost 6 years old. Its taken me at least 4.5 years to convince DH to have another child and now he is scared. But at least he is willing to chat to a medical professional about what happened and if it is likely to happen again. I just need to work out who we need to make that appointment with.

Apologies for any errors this was all typed on my phone as we have no internet until Wednesday.

[Fairypants]

I'm sorry you're going through this blushing.
I started to mc on 18th and still need tablets to sleep. I'm eating but only when sharing meals with my dds (they are old enough to know and worry about missed meals).
I found seeing ppl who know made me cry but I've been no good with ppl who don't know- I can't fake it well enough so get repeated 'are you sure you're ok' which doesn't help. I've only gone back to work today but not much good as I just can't concentrate.
I was also worried DH wouldn't be up for trying again as it took me 10 years to get him to agree to dc3 but he is using it as his primary weapon to try and make me 'better'
I can only suggest having patience with yourself, I set myself a timeframe that I counted as 'sick' so didn't cook, go to work etc and have gone back to work but nothing else this week. It is v difficult physically and you do need to recover physically before you can begin to recover mentally I think.

[moreteafather]

So sorry Blushingmum.

Tuesday was my scan date too. I was 12+1, but the baby had died at 10+5.

I'm still waiting for things to resolve, just spotting so far, but it's so true isn't it. Life seems on slow-mo.

I will be in the same situation on Thursday, when I think it will all be over and life has to carry on like nothing has happened. Dreading it. So to you.

I announced things very early as I don't do miscarriages . I am avoiding anyone I know as sympathy just sets me off...

[moreteafather]

Sorry about the bold type by the way, new on here, didn't realise asterisks would make that happen.

What I meant was that I always thought that miscarriage was something that happened to other people. The invincibility fallacy. Ultimately none of us have the control over our fertility that we were taught we had when we were younger.

As for your DH it's early days. 1 miscarriage isn't an indicator that this will reoccur.

But so sorry you are having a hard time.

[BlushingMom]

Thanks Ladies. Sorry you have had to go through this too. I saw my GP today. She booked me off for another week and gave me some stronger painkillers and sleeping tablets. I have taken 2 of the painkillers and they have left me feeling very floaty, but tired enough that I feel like I could actually sleep.