Just need to rant/moan really

[MrsGiraffe12]

Hi Ladies
Firstly, jut want to apologise I'm adding yet another gloomy thread to my rosta, but I'm really struggling and need to offload :-(

I'm now 13 weeks post my mmc (and ERPC and infection). I've just had my 3rd period and I guess in a way I should count my blessings that my body is working efficiently so soon after it all.

The first 8 weeks after my miscarriage were really dark times, I struggled to get out of bed in the morning, let alone do any house work, but due to having my DD who's 5, and my hubby who works full time I made myself carry on as normal and only let myself cry when I was alone, or in the company of the few friends that knew.

Then around weeks 9 - 12 my "fog" seemed to lift, and I felt a bit back to my normal self, battered and bruised emotionally but not too bad, but the last 7 days I've been struggling again, feeling emotionally unstable and not sleeping, or giving a damn about housework etc. in terms of the emotions it's feeling very raw and if it has just happened all over again. I either cry, shout or shut myself away and my husband, friends and family have been very unsupportive and expect me to be over it now, and when a friend announced her pregnancy I cried (Out of jealousy, I am happy for her, truley I am, but I got accused if being selfish and asked to leave her house, so I'm sure this doesnt help).

Is it "normal" to feel this 13 weeks later? Am I being over dramatic? I'm sick of feeling disgusting and defective as a woman, why couldn't I carry my DS (who's 5) to full term (born at 28 weeks due to PET) and now a miscarriage? I feel bloody awful and really hate myself at the moment. Will my gp help this far post miscarry or do I have to deal with it alone now xx

[Bakingtins]

You don't have to deal with it alone.
I think it's normal for grief to come in cycles, you feel ok for a bit and then something triggers it off. It does sound like you'd benefit from some counselling though. If GP won't help then Miscarriage Association probably can.
My most recent MC was beginning of June so similar timing. I'm mostly ok but have struggled with SIL being pregnant with her third child, with her bloody perfect 2 yr age gaps, due date within a week of mine. How very dare she rub my nose in it?! I'm also struggling more than I normally would with other things going wrong e.g. Work problems, so I know I'm not really over what has been an exceptionally shitty year. I should take my own advice and go for counselling!

[MrsGiraffe12]

Oh bakingtins thank you again for a lovely supportive reply. I remember when I first miscarried you were very kind then, despite going through a shit time yourself. Here's hoping time is a great healer for us both xx