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Missed miscarriage

(25 Posts)
LUCKYWISA Mon 22-Jul-13 11:59:24

I am finding it too hard to keep quiet with my loss. I m 43 years and have 2 beautiful kids ( 14 and 9). At 41 I wanted another baby to close. I was very lucky to conceive very quickly but at 5 weeks I lost it. I thought it was because my body was not ready after many years. After 1 month I conceive again and this time I was very scared and excited at the same time. At 8 weeks I lost all pregnancy symptoms and at 10 weeks I lost the baby. After 6 months I conceived again and at 12 weeks I went for dating scan and the sack was empty. After 2 months I conceived again and took all vitamins ; for some reasons I was feeling very confident that this time I will succeed. I had all pregnancy symptoms( nausea, breasts sore....) I was very excited to the point I started looking baby items on internet. I did not share the news with anyone except my husband ( very patient man).
At 10 and 5 days I woke up with no pregnancy symptoms at all. I was shocked but I consoled myself by saying that " it is ok to loose symptoms because I am nearly in 2nd trimester. The headache was very band after that. I did not loose hope at all. But my pump was not showing, it was very small. I was very scared to go to GP or or book scan because I was scared to be talk: " SORRY IS EMPTY SACK".Yesterday I woke up very happy to celebrate 12 weeks pregnant. I did not tell my kids that I was pregnant, so I celebrated in my head alone. ( My husband is scared of bringing up pregnancy conversation, he is very scared of what happened before). At 10.30 my celebration ended in tears because I went to bathroom and found I was bleeding. It was soooo hard to break the news to my other half, but in the end I had too. I did not cry I was NUMB.

I had friends who come for BBQ in afternoon and went to bed very sad. I still bleeding but no cramps or any other pain. I am waiting for the pain at night and I hope the process is going to be easy. I feel God is with me through this and I just want to tell everyone who read this due to the same problem, that to be strong and finding a way of copping is important to prevent falling into depression. I will never know how my babies looked like and if it was a boy or a gir. and I cant give a name neither.

May be this story can help someone to feel that she is not alone. Thank you for reading this.....

wheels2 Sat 06-Jul-13 06:43:33

Hi bumble just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you tongiht. I found the first few days really to be the hardest and I'm so sorry that you're in the middle of it right now. I hope that you find the strength to make it through. Hold on to the hope that time really is a great healer. A couple of weeks ago there's no way I would've anticipated the peace I feel today would be possible - it's hard when you're in the middle of it. Take the time you need to be sad. After the first two-three days, I actually found it helpful to resume a bit of a normal routine and be around people again. It was painful and difficult at first, but I really feel that it helped me to move on and give my mind a break from thinking about the miscarriage. Hugs and prayers.

wheels2 Sat 06-Jul-13 06:26:38

I also thought I should post about the baby shrinking after it dies. I asked the radiologist when I went in for my second ultrasound if the baby had shrunk at all. He said only very slightly. So I think the info I read about it shrinking at the same rate of growth must have been wrong - or in my case it was, because when I went in the second time the baby would've measured somewhere in the 7 week area if that info was correct, but it still measured close to the original 8 1/2 weeks. Sorry if I've mislead anyone!

wheels2 Sat 06-Jul-13 06:18:30

So, the fourth time was a charm. I wasn't optimistic it would work, but it seemed to so I am grateful. I've been for my follow-up ultrasound and was told I'd hear from my doctor if further follow-up was needed. So far no news has been good news. I am glad to have my body be mostly back to normal and we are looking forward to trying again soon. Thanks to all who read, commented and provided support through a tough time.

katatonic Fri 05-Jul-13 15:17:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lurcherlover Fri 05-Jul-13 15:15:06

Hi wheels and others going through this - I'm so sorry you've had this experience. My first pregnancy was very straightforward and resulted in DS, so when I got pregnant again I was really relaxed about everything and wasn't really worried about miscarriage. Then it turned out to be a mmc. It was an awful experience. You get to that 12 week scan (14 weeks in my case as we were on holiday at 12 weeks so delayed it) thinking you're through the danger period, only to be told there is no heartbeat. In my case the baby measured 9 weeks. No idea when it died, but I am grateful in a way that it was a mmc as miscarrying whilst on holiday would have been even more awful. Even now, I find it hard to look at those holiday photos - there are pictures of me with DS and a little baby bump which I find very painful to see.

I opted for a d&c on the advice of both the consultant at the hospital and my SIL (an obstetrician). I found it quick and painless and recovery was straightforward. We waited for one cycle before trying again, and then on my next cycle I got pregnant straight away. I was very nervous for the entire pregnancy, but it was straightforward and I now have my beautiful DD who is 12 weeks.

I think of it now as nature giving me the family I'm meant to have, because if I hadn't had the mmc I wouldn't have my dd now. I still think about my little angel baby and like to think that he/she is watching out for us (I'm not particularly religious, but it gives me some comfort to think like that).

It helps to post on MN - in the Conception section there are threads for women who've had mcs and are ttc again, which I found very helpful when pregnant with dd. Also, talk about it in RL if you feel able to - so many women afterwards told me about their own miscarriages. It's (sadly) such a common experience to go through, and it helps to hear about others who've been through it - especially when the vast majority go on to have healthy babies afterwards.

Finally, please be assured that all medical evidence suggests that having one or even two mcs in a row doesn't lessen your chances of a healthy pregnancy next time. Even 3 mcs doesn't necessarily indicate that as there are lots of treatments now available for recurrent mc.

bumble222 Fri 05-Jul-13 14:58:54

Hi, Ive been reading your thread after my mum suggested I look at mumsnet (I'm new to mums net) as I also am dealing with a missed miscarrige which was discovered yesterday at my 12 week scan. They said the baby was 7 weeks approx but after reading your thread I understand the foetus shrinks, so I think I was probably about 10 weeeks when it all happened. I woke up very unsure what to do this morning in terms of management but after reading your threads and also reading the Miscarrige Association factsheet that someone kindly added in I do feel more certain that I will opt for natural management and hope for the best. So I just wanted to say thankyou for being so open about what happened to you as it has helped me feel a bit stronger and more positive. I hope all is well with you and things have settled down a bit now.

katatonic Mon 01-Jul-13 20:23:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheels2 Mon 01-Jul-13 18:24:39

I don't know if anyone is still following this, but I figured I'd give an update. The ultrasound confirmed that there had been no growth over the week and there was still no hearbeat. I went home after that and took 4 Misoprostol vaginally. I saw some results between about 4 and 9 hours later, but then all the bleeding stopped. I took my second dose 24 hours after I took my first dose and experienced some nausea and didn't feel great, but no bleeding and very little cramping. I went to see a doctor the next day to see if it was worth it to try again, as I am not crazy about getting a d&c if I don't need one. He refilled my perscription for Misoprostol and here I am 24 hours later after administering it with some results, but now the cramping/bleeding have totally quit again. I'm sitting here wondering if I should go through with the second dose or just give up and call the gynocologist's office tomorrow. Anyone out there have any experience with taking this? It's supposed to be 90 percent effective, but unfortunately it hasn't been the case for me so far. Maybe I'm just being too impatient and should give it some more time?

wheels2 Thu 27-Jun-13 21:50:04

Thanks whysorude. It is tough for men to understand. My husband had trouble understanding why I wanted a second ultrasound to confirm, but he was fine with me getting one. No luck at the ultrasound today, though, it's what I was prepared for, but a miracle would have been nice. Anyway, I've taken my Misoprostol and now I just get to sit and wait. I feel more peace about it than I thought I would. I'm looking forward to physically moving on and hopefully having a healthy pregnancy in the months to come. It's always comforting to hear stories from people who've miscarried and go on to have successful pregnancies later on.

whysorude Wed 26-Jun-13 01:46:50

Hi wheels, I too am sorry for your loss. And it's not irrational to hope that the baby is still alive - everyone who suffers a miscarriage hopes for that. It's devastating and cruel.

I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks with baby showing at 9 weeks and had a natural evacuation or whatever they call it the day after spotting began. I had to wait two weeks for all of the sac to be ejected, but am glad that I didn't have to have a surgical procedure as I hate hospitals. I found the hardest thing was have to go back to the maternity unit for the scans as sitting in a waiting room full of blissfully unaware pregnant women was horrendous. And I couldn't stop crying - just kept bursting into tears. i had been trying for almost two years for DC2 and had a miscarriage at 6 weeks a year and a half earlier. My DH found it very hard to deal with as he couldn't make me feel better and became emotionally detached. At one point during the two week wait he told me to "catch myself on and get over it". That was like a kick in the stomach, but as I said, he just didn't know how to deal with either me or the situation. He apologised afterwards.

Fortunately I conceived three months later and now have a beautiful 2.5 year old. I like to think that my miscarried baby was him, and that he just wasn't ready to come into the world yet.

Sorry for rambling and hope this somehow helps to know that your not alone in this. Mumsnet is very good for that. smile

wheels2 Wed 26-Jun-13 00:56:45

Well, I spoke with the obgyn today. She gave me a perscription for Misoprostol. She said that with a natural miscarriage there's about a 50-60 percent chance everything will go, so that means a 40-50 percent chance a d&c would be needed anyway. She said the Misoprostol is about a 90 percent chance all the tissues will go. I had mixed feelings about a d&c anyway. I'm not crazy about hospitals and kind of wanted to go through it in the privacy of my own home. Maybe it's totally irrational, but now I'm a little nervous to take them solely because I'm worried about the miniscual chance that baby could still be alive and I don't know if I could forgive myself if I made the mistake of going through with if I was misdiagnosed. I am passed hoping that there is a chance, but for peace of mind I think I'll see if I can get an ultrasound before I actually go through with it.

2beornot Sat 22-Jun-13 22:23:52

Hi wheels. I'm sorry for your loss. I had exactly the sane as you - scan on tues when I should have been 12+4 showed a baby approx 8+5.

I decided to go down the surgical route and had my ERPC on Friday. My reasons were that my body hadn't naturally miscarried and I didn't want to be hanging around waiting for it to happen. I wanted to get back to 'normal'. And I didn't want medical, because no one was sure how long it would take, plus I did not want to see it all come out. And if it didn't I would have to have an ERPC anyway.

But it really is a personal decision. I was so scared beforehand, but now I'm on the other side I know it was right for me.

wheels2 Fri 21-Jun-13 18:36:34

My doctor's coveroff has referred to me to an OBGYN for next week. If I haven't miscarried naturally by then, we'll look at medical options. In some ways I'm glad I haven't had to make a decision today. I'm feeling a bit better after resolving things with the doctor and felt good enough to get a lumberjack sandwhich and stop by the bakery for some treats. (Before I saw my doctor I was so upset I didn't feel like eating anything, which made me mad because usually eating something helps me feel better!) smile Thanks again everyone.

Tamof4 Fri 21-Jun-13 17:19:28

I'm so sorry. A week ago yesterday I found out my mmc at my 12 wk scan. I knew straight away there was no heartbeat.
After deciding d&c I was offered the op that afternoon. As I'd be waiting in a line I came back for designated slot the next morning.
Incredibly well looked after, the op was quick and I ve recovered well physically. Obviously it is s very traumatic time but Ive had to lock on this week as had a big classical singing gig yesterday whicb i couldnt turn down. Had to pretend I was ok etc. wouldn't recommend!
I wish you all the best in what you decide

wheels2 Fri 21-Jun-13 16:03:58

Omama - I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this too - it helps not to be alone though. The only medical person I've talked with so far was the doctor that read the ultrasound. My doctor has not been available yet. The ultrasound doctor didn't go into detail about any options, I think he mentioned waiting a week or so and meeting with my doctor, but the idea of going back to work having this hanging over my head feels like torture. Katatonic - thanks for the info pack! I'm reading it right now.

omama Fri 21-Jun-13 15:52:04

wheels2 - here to hold your hand as we go through this awful time together.

I had a tiny bit of brown bleeding over the last 2 days, had a scan this morning, showing a sac & pole but no heartbeat & measuring 6 weeks when it should be 11, so I guess it died at around 8-9 weeks. Hospital have told me to go back for a repeat scan in 2 weeks, after which if I haven't miscarried naturally I will be given the options of a d&c or medical management. 2 weeks feels like such a long time to have to wait, but I'm already cramping so suspect I'm going to miscarry naturally before then.

Having had both medical management & d&c before, if you have a choice IIWY I'd go with the d&c, be put to sleep & have it dealt with, rather than going thru all the pain - in my experience it was pretty similar to labour pains & I saw the baby when it came out which was pretty traumatic & I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

As for ttc again I guess you just try again when u feel ready.xx

katatonic Fri 21-Jun-13 14:19:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katatonic Fri 21-Jun-13 14:17:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheels2 Fri 21-Jun-13 13:48:48

Thank you for responding. It is tough. I'm upset with my body for continuing to feel pregnant when I'm really not. I too, just want to get it over with. I'm really hoping something happens on it's own this weekend because I don't know how long I can keep carrying on like this...

Stubbed Fri 21-Jun-13 04:24:58

Nb. The op was 2 days after my scan showing the mmc so it was all over quickly.

Stubbed Fri 21-Jun-13 04:23:24

I had a missed miscarriage with exactly the same timelines as you - we were very upset. I wanted a d&c so that I could get on with ttc again ASAP. In fact the op was quick, the hospital was great and overnight my pregnancy symptoms & morning sickness went away.

However it took several months to conceive again and I ended up seeing a fertility consultant. I had an ovarian cyst (retained corpus lutuem) which may or may not have been related to the pregnancy - was pregnant 2 weeks after it was removed.

Anyway, the point is, the fertility consultant recommended not having a d&c after a missed miscarriage. He said there was always a small risk of uteral damage and that waiting for nature or taking the pills to induce mc was better. So I guess that's what I'd do next time...

bex2011 Fri 21-Jun-13 04:22:29

Sorry to read this. It's a difficult time. had a mmc in October. I had spotting at about 11 weeks, went for a scan that showed sac and foetal pole but no heart beat. I was told I had to wait 10 days for a re-scan so they could see if there was any growth. I miscarried naturally a week later. So in answer to your first question it took 6/7 weeks for the miscarriage to start.

Unless there are any problems they say you can start trying again after you have had one period, so they can date the pregnancy. I started trying straight away, but so far no joy.

wheels2 Fri 21-Jun-13 03:48:03

*The first sentence should read 12-13 weeks*

wheels2 Fri 21-Jun-13 03:46:59

I went in for an ultrasound today. I expected to be between 12-13 months pregnant. Baby measured around 8 weeks and no heartbeat could be found. (I had no idea baby wasn't doing well - I didn't experience any of the typical symptoms of a miscarriage). I read that baby shrinks at the same rate of growth once it dies so I'm thinking that it probably died around 10 weeks. This means that I haven't miscarried on my own for roughly 2-3 weeks. I'm thinking I'll probably opt for a D & C, I'm hoping to see my doctor on June 24 to figure out what to do. I'm wondering if any others have had a similar experience? How did you decide whether to wait and see if it came naturally or to have surgery? How long from the time of baby's probable death to the time you miscarried (surgery or natural)? Also what kind of advice did you receive about how soon after to start trying to get pregnant again? Thanks.

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