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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Need hugs...still birth, chemical pregnancy & now ERPOC

22 replies

CupcakeFanatic · 20/03/2013 19:34

Hello everyone, this is the first thread I've ever posted on mumsnet. I'm hoping there may be some people out there who don't mind me talking to them. I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful husband to face the world with but I don't know anyone who has been through any situation similar to ours so it's difficult to know who else to talk to because I don't think they would/could understand. I'm shy so am starting out as anonymous but am hoping I can maybe form some friendships and share more information with those people in due course.

We were told at a routine antenatal appointment at 28 weeks + 4 days that our first child no longer had a heartbeat despite the fact the 28 week scan just days previously had gone perfectly. Our world fell apart. I was induced and gave birth naturally in hospital to our beautiful sleeping angel daughter a few days later. That was in 2011.

I then was diagnosed with cancer and needed 6 months of chemo and then had some recovery time with drugs so our ttc plans were put on hold for a while. Then in October 2012 (just gone) our hopes were raised to get a positive home pregnancy test for two days on the trot only for my period to arrive 2 days later (only 4 days later than when I should've come on (chemical pregnancy).

On Monday just gone I had the ERPOC operation as I had been scanned for 3 consecutive weeks and sadly our current pregnancy was not progressing and a heartbeat never developed I should've been 9 weeks by dates but sac and pole was only measuring around 6 weeks so it was diagnosed as 'failed pegnancy' which was really hard to hear as we hoped so much that this little bean would make it. I know I am a mum but I feel so sad to not have any children here with me on Earth yet. We're determined not to give up as having babies is too important to us. I just feel like I could do with friendly hugs from people who understand, if there are any of you out there?

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Bakingtins · 20/03/2013 20:49

Hi Cupcake I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. If ever hugs were deserved, you deserve them. I had MC3 a fortnight ago though I have also been blessed with two children. I'm just starting down the road of recurrent miscarriage investigation. Is that something you are considering? I really hope some better luck is just around the corner for you, but whenever you feel the need to rage at the sheer injustice of it all, there will be someone here who understands.

delilahbelle · 20/03/2013 21:11

Hi cupcake I can only offer sympathy. I have had 3 chemical pregnancies and one cornual ectopic, also complicated by the fact I need IVF to conceive. Life is hard and horrible, but lean on your DH and have faith that you will one day have a child at home with you.

lemonsherbet · 21/03/2013 15:25

Hi cupcake sorry to hear of your losses. I had a mmc at 8 weeks, then I lost a little boy at 20 weeks, then a further miscarriage at 6 weeks and then a chemical pregnancy.They never found out the reason for my late loss. Did your reveal any answers? In my case no case was found. in terms of recurrent miscarriage/loss most of the investigations done are the same for the late loss.

I am sure everything is just so raw at the moment. I guess I wanted to say we are here for you. How are you doing today?

CupcakeFanatic · 21/03/2013 21:55

Hi. Thanks for your replies so far, it means a lot to me that you've taken the time to read and respond. I was so worried that I might post my story and not hear from anyone and I really didn't want to feel alone. I'm so sorry to hear of all of your losses.

Today was my first day back at work since the ERPOC on Monday (I'm a teacher). I survived but am exhausted! Off to bed now as I literally can't keep my eyes open.

I hope all of you ladies who are reading this are doing your best to stay strong and well. Big hugs to you all.

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shakeyjake · 22/03/2013 20:41

I am so sorry for your losses, there is a wonderful thread in the conception topic with the most lovely ladies in it has the words rainbows and angels in the title (I will link next time I get to a pc)

BlackholesAndRevelations · 23/03/2013 20:41

Cupcake- more hugs from me. Nothing else I can add xxxx

TicTacSir · 23/03/2013 20:50

I am thinking of you Cupcake - there will be plenty of sympathetic ears here, I promise you. We all have our own stories and paths but the great thing about MN is that there is always somebody ready to listen and advise. Keep your chin up, gal.

CupcakeFanatic · 03/04/2013 14:29

Thanks for all your kind messages and words of support. You think pregnancy losses are rare as nobody seems to talk much about them. Thank you for being brave enough to speak out, I feel less alone now. I'm sorry to hear others of you have suffered though.

It's been just over two weeks since the ERPOC now. Have any of you gone on to have healthy rainbow babies after an ERPOC or other loss?

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shakeyjake · 03/04/2013 18:41

I lost Grace at 20 Weeks march 2011 and my rainbow was born Feb 2012, she really is the sunshine in my storm.

greengoose · 06/04/2013 10:08

Hello CUPCAKE, im so sorry that your little girl isn't with you, and that you have had such a horrible time of it. It good your DH is so lovely.
I am lucky enough to have two boys, aged 10 and 5. Last year in April my little girl Merryn was born, but she died after six days (she had a tumour). I have also had (in the last two years) three MCs. I am currently 19 wks pregnant with our third boy.
I'm telling you partly to say, there is hope, and partly so you feel less alone, sadly there are lots of 'angel' mums on here...
As others have said, you would be very welcome on the Rainbow Babies thread (put that into search bar). We are all very friendly and understand a bit of what you might be going through. Take care. Xxx

CupcakeFanatic · 20/04/2013 11:21

Just an update that my period started coming on at lunchtime this Thursday (4 weeks 3 days after my ERPOC op). Hopefully this means we can start over again and ttc this month.

My husband and I went to our first SANDS meeting this month. I have to say that it was nice to talk to people who have also lost their precious babies and talk about our precious ones with one another.

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greengoose · 22/04/2013 17:26

CUPCAKE, I'm glad your body is finding its rythme. I've found after any pregnancy, however it's ended, that my body has a slightly changed cycle, and I ended up using ov sticks to get the hang of it. I also found that I was really fertile in my first cycles, and twice fell pregnant very quickly. I know this is quite common from my MW. (I don't know if that helps, but I found it reassuring).
It's good you found your local sands group, it really helps to have people who understand.
Do PM me if I can help at all. X

CupcakeFanatic · 11/05/2013 14:41

Thanks for your encouraging words greengoose. I didn't use our Clearblue fertility monitor this month but did use Clearblue digital ov sticks for 4 or so days around the time I thought ov might be likely and it did give a smiley face one morning which cheered me up that hopefully something is going right. I don't think hubby and I necessarily did the deed at the best 'textbook' times around it but we're humans not robots. There's no denying that I'd be over the moon to have 'caught' pregnant this month but there's nothing we can do about it now either way so it's a case of waiting now.

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CupcakeFanatic · 22/06/2013 09:04

I wanted to update this thread to say that DH and I were lucky indeed and we did 'catch' in the month of May when I last posted!! :) We had a scan on Monday which showed 'one live fetus'. I couldn't help crying whilst the sonographer completed the scan after I'd heard the words 'live' and 'heartbeat' (the most recent previous pregnancy didn't make it this far). We hope hope hope with everything we have that this pregnancy is successful and that we finally will be able to hold a live baby of ours in our arms at the end. Hugs to everyone xxxxx

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omama · 22/06/2013 16:40

What a wonderful update. Here's hoping you get the beautiful little baby you deserve.xx

squizita · 24/06/2013 09:32

Great update. Wishing you all the best of luck. Over on the pregnancy boards there is always a thread about being pregnant after miscarriage (which, clinically, is a stressful time with all sorts of things 'normal' pregnancies don't have like the obsessive knicker-checking etc') so I am sure they would welcome you over there and give support.

CupcakeFanatic · 08/09/2013 07:38

I just wanted to update and continue to give others who've suffered losses some hope....there's still a long way to go but our 20 week scan went well on Thursday morning :) I'm still scared but know that I always will be, I just hope with all that I can that things will be ok. Xxxxx

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Bakingtins · 08/09/2013 08:27

Fantastic news. Crossing everything that it continues to go well.

LunaticFringe · 08/09/2013 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

georgedawes · 08/09/2013 23:31

lovely news, I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and you are not too scared (although I guess you will be). x

RaRaZ · 09/09/2013 10:37

Lovely news - never saw this thread when it started, but now I've read it, I'm wishing you all the best . You've had a hard journey so far. Fingers crossed.

Lemonandrose · 10/09/2013 20:51

Congratulations and good luck. Thank you so much for giving me hope x

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