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mothers day :'(

(15 Posts)
LittleButton Sat 09-Mar-13 20:54:49

i just wanted someone to talk to, i am finding the whole mothers day thing hard as i lost my first baby just 8 weeks ago. i was just wondering how any other ladies out there have coped with it?


Homebird8 Sat 09-Mar-13 21:03:43

Oh Button, it's dreadfully hard isn't it! I'm so sorry for your loss.

You are still a mother and it is still your day. At the 8 week point my arms just ached for my first and he wasn't there. I don't think there are any ways of making it any better but I found it helped to take some time and write my little one a letter saying whatever needed to come out.

I am sending you thanks and thanking you for being brave enough to share your grief with me. It makes it easier for me too to know there are others who understand. I just wish there was no-one else who did though. No-one else who had been through this. thanks

LittleButton Sat 09-Mar-13 22:51:20

thanks homebird
i am also sorry for your loss , its is so hard.

yeah, i still feel like one in a strange way, i just dont want to let go of that special connection i felt if only for 9.5 weeks.
yeah i was thinking about writing a letter, as i was looking for a way to say everything i wanted to say but didnt have the chance.

yeah i also feel comfort from the fact i have other to share how i feel and know i wouldnt be judged. i also know what you mean by wishing no one else had or is going through this.

xxx thanks xxx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Sat 09-Mar-13 23:31:26

Have you considered a message and a flower in The Miscarriage Associations Forget Me Not Meadow?

Homebird8 Sun 10-Mar-13 02:35:21

I hope I can give you a note of hope Button. You will find a way to live with it as time goes on. We lost DS nearly 12 years ago and he will always be a part of our family and his younger brothers feel that way too. Sometimes, even now, I find the tears coming, out of the blue. Thursday morning in the shower for example, there they were.

The worst time for me is not Mothering Sunday but now we have moved to New Zealand, it's ANZAC day. ANZAC day is the Kiwi and Australian version of Rememberance Sunday and is on the 25th April. Even if this falls midweek it is a public holiday and all the parades and services happen then. It is also the date our baby died. Praying for those who died too young, and those left behind is almost more than I can stand on that date. Watching my young sons in the parade, as Cub Scouts, and treating the whole event with the sincerity it warrants gets me through.

I agree with Catpuss, mark your child in whatever way brings you comfort. Plant a tree, buy a special piece of jewellery, write a letter or a poem, sing a song or play some music. One of the things which really helped me was naming our child. That way we can always call him by his name in conversation and not 'the baby who was born too soon'. I felt I could give him very little, but I could give him a name.

How are you feeling medically Button? Are you well? However you feel, take some time for you and pamper yourself on this day. You are a mother and you always will be. thanks

googietheegg Sun 10-Mar-13 05:31:41

Sorry for your mc op. I lost my first too at about 11 weeks. Tbh what helped me was getting pregnant again v quickly (2months) and not really knowing the dates. If I did, I think it would give me a date to focus on, but for me I don't think that would help.

I'd also suggest staying away from clumsy people - my mil said shit like 'at least you can get pregnant' and kept going on about famous people ggetting pregnant when they were older (I was 35). Stick with people you know are trying to be gentle with you, treat yourself kindly.

Bakingtins Sun 10-Mar-13 09:00:39

Unmumsnetty (((HUGS))) for anyone finding today difficult.

EuroShaggleton Sun 10-Mar-13 11:14:05

Sorry for your loss OP. I am hiding at home today, while I wait to MC after being told our baby has stopped developing. The timing is just too cruel. I can't bear to leave the house and watch other people playing happy families.

Snoopingforsoup Sun 10-Mar-13 12:39:09

Sorry to hear this LittleButton.
I sympathise - I found out about my MMC a couple of weeks ago and started bleeding yesterday. My own fault for opting for expectant management I guess.
Frankly, I am still here in PJ's, avoiding the outside world and will have to hold out to have a proper grieve tomorrow when DC is at school.
My own Mum is dead so this Mother's Day is a real toughie.
Huge hugs to everyone who's suffered pregnancy loss. X x x

delilahbelle Sun 10-Mar-13 14:17:29

I am two weeks post ruptured cornual ectopic. I lost my twins at 6+5, and although to most people they would not have been babies to me they were.

I have a forget-me-not necklace I'm wearing, and a supportive DH, but I still feel sad. We can't try again for at least 6 months, so I feel that even more of my life is passing me by, whilst I stay childless and everyone I know has babies.

I hope next year I will be in a happier place.

GinAndSlimlinePlease Sun 10-Mar-13 14:23:53

(((( hugs to everyone))))

It's a really difficult day. In my mind I should be a mother by now. And instead I'm recovering from a miscarriage.

I'm afraid this year I've chickened out of most things. I didn't want to go home and see my mum because it would mean seeing my sister and her bump. I can't go to church as it'll be all about how wonderful mothers are. So instead I'm doing lots of housework. I'm about to go out for Sunday lunch with PIL. And that's as much as I can cope with.

I might also treat myself to a remembrance necklace.

(((( more hugs to everyone))))

LittleButton Sun 10-Mar-13 20:06:41

big hug and thanks to all those lovely ladies out there and a thanks for comments,

i was looking at remembrance necklaces or charms , but also the trees of tranquility through SIMBA looked good also.

i managed to venture out today and visited my mum, but been back a while now just having some me time as the other half round at friends house.

whiterose2011 Tue 12-Mar-13 14:55:19

I hid away too. Called my mum (who I have a difficult relationship with) first thing to get it over and done with. Then got a text and a missed call from my sister, in which she clearly wanted to tell me about how wonderful her day was. I didn't respond to either. Not told either of them about my mc. I would have been 2 weeks away from my EDD on Sunday so Mother's Day would have been an exciting time for me and DH if all had worked out well for us.

I'm thinking about getting a leaf on the tree of tranquility as well. I now feel ready to mark my loss in some way.

Big hugs to everyone at this difficult time.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 12-Mar-13 16:02:25

I think I said on another thread, but Ive got my eye on a particular Tiffanys ring. A plain silver band, with a teensy tiny sapphire in it. Sapphire is the birth stone for september, which is when my bean would have been due. It appeals to me as being plain and understated, nobody will know what it means but me, and Id like 'forget me not' engraved inside. Im going to treat myself for my birthday.

whiterose2011 Tue 12-Mar-13 16:24:37

What a lovely idea saggy - I hadn't thought about using the birthstone of the month my baby was due. Although I would have been on the cusp of March and April but seeing as my EDD was March, I could go for that. So sorry for your loss xx

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