Can anyone hold my hand?

[browneyesblue]

I have a 2 year old son, and have since MC twice (6 weeks and 10 weeks). I'm currently 18+4.

I have been going to a recurrent mc clinic, but no cause was found for my MCs. I was prescribed clexane as soon as I became pregnant, and cyclogest when I started bleeding at around 6 weeks. Due to continued bleeding/spotting, the cyclogest was increased to 3 400mg a day, and I finally had no more bleeding by 12 weeks - a huge relief. I was switched from clexane to baby aspirin as I started to react to the injections.

I reduced by dose of cyclogest week by week until I had my final dose last Tuesday. On Saturday, after weeks of calm, I bled heavily. I was making lunch and I became aware of my clothes sticking to me. I looked down and I was soaking in blood.

DH took me to A&E and when I was seen in emergency gynae I was examined and told that I wasn't actively bleeding anymore, that my cervix was opened very slightly but that might be normal, and the doctor used a Doppler and found a steady heartbeat. He arranged a scan for Sunday morning, and we went home.

Sunday I woke at 5am to go to the toilet. In the bathroom I realised I was bleeding very heavily, much more than the day before, and I passed what felt like a sizeable clot into the toilet. I couldn't see anything as there was too much blood in the bowl. DH took me back to A&E, where I was distraught. The registrar saw me, and told me I had miscarried, which is what I assumed (although I didn't think I had passed anything significant yet).

When I was eventually scanned, DH and I were stunned to see a heartbeat. We were told everything looked fine, and that there was no sign of what had caused the bleeding. My cervix was closed internally, and was a good length with no funnelling. The doctor examined me and said there was a small clot on my cervix, but again that there was no active bleeding. I restarted the cyclogest, at 1 pessary a day.

I had a new, but lighter bleed on Monday. The registrar stopped the aspirin and increased the cyclogest to 2 pessaries a day as the bleeding was accompanied by discomfort/slight pain. The next recurrent mc clinic isn't until next Wednesday, and the plan is that I wait to see the consultant there.

I am so scared. I am still bleeding lightly, and am taking it very easy - lots of rest and no lifting. I hate going to the toilet and seeing that blood, and every twinge or ache terrifies me. I just want the bleeding to stop. I think I've started feeling movements, but I'm not sure. The more real it is, the scarier the bleeding is. I want to cry, swear, scream even, but I'm trying to keep calm and rested.

I'm not sure what the point of this essay is, and if you managed to read it all - thank you. I haven't been able to bring myself to post on the pregnancy boards up to this point; perhaps I've been expecting. This to happen all along. This board has seemed more like home to me over the past year or so, even if I haven't posted that much.

[almostanotherday]

I have read it all, can't offer any advice but I can hold your hand

[browneyesblue]

Thank you x

[pegster]

That sounds really tough, don't know what I can say that will help in anyway but I'm thinking about you. Keep resting up, will be sending you positive thoughts

[nectarini1983]

Im so sorry to hear what you're going though. Hopefully itll just be one of those difficult pregnancies that has a hapoy ending.....

In the meantime rest as much as you possibly can (not easy when youre a mummy already I know) but you want to gjve little one the best chance.

Ive got two children aged one and three and I lost a little boy at 17 weeks pregnant just over 6 weeks ago so I really empathise with your anguish honey.

Good luck. Thinking of you xx

[browneyesblue]

Thanks ladies. I'm trying to rest as much as I can, and DH has been great taking over with DS. He even took him with him to work after nursery today.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss nectarini. Wishing you and your family love and strength xx

[teaandchocolate]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I have had 3 mc at 12, 9.5 & 7 weeks as well as my DD so I know how stressful and horrible pregnancy can be. And it must be 100 times harder for you with all that bleeding and uncertainly. I can't offer much by way of reassurance as I've not had bleeding through pregnancy but I'm here to hold your hand. It seems a good sign that you've got this far and that the baby has a strong heartbeat. Thinking of you.