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What happens with a misscarrige/stillborn?

(54 Posts)
FrillsandLaces Mon 18-Feb-13 20:29:46

Hya, I found out last week at my 20 week scan that my little boy has pelvic renal dilatation. I went for another scan which showed it was really severe. His kidneys nd bladder are to big for his tiny body. His water was low aswell.

A further scan today showed that his water is even lower and will get lower and lower. One of his kidneys had cysts on it and was completly packed out, the other is barely working. His bladder id that big it is in his chest where is lungs should be.

I have another scan in 3 weeks but he is likely to have died by then. My scan is just really to see if he is still alive. Either way there is nothing that can be done for him and he is going to die.

If he hasn't died by my next scan I will be having a termination, it is my only option. He isnt going to survive. Sorry to ramble on just needed to get that off my chest.

My question is, if I have a misscarrige before the scan what happens with a miscarrige? If I have a termination they will stop his heartbeat. What will happen? Will I go into what will be labour? Will I have to give birth to a dead baby? Will they let me hold him? Will they let me stay with him for a while?

I am 21 weeks and if he doesn't die in the next 3 weeks I will be 24 weeks pregnant by the time I have to terminate him. Just to be clear I do not want to do this, there is nothing they can do for my baby and I am absolutly devastaed. Im 21 and this is my first child. I was so looking forward to meeting him.

Even as im writing this I feel as though im talking about Someone else. It all seems surreal. I can't believe I am never going to meet my son alive, im never going to hear his first words watch him learn to walk and talk.

my partner is as devastaed as I am, I have no idea how to support him, I can barely process what is happening myself.

Sorry to ramble. I just need to get it off my chest. What will happen if I misscarry him? As in my body and him? And same if I have a termination?

Thanks for reading x

FrillsandLaces Sun 17-Mar-13 21:29:44

Thank you for your replies. I was induced last Friday and had my little boy on Sunday morning. He surprised everyone because he was born alive. He lived for half an hour and then passed away. Me and his daddy all got into bed together, we told him how much we loved him and we all lay together while he passed. He wasn't in any pain. His funeral is on Tuesday, I can't get my head round that its actually happened. I keep forgetting im not pregnant with him anymore. I stayed in hospital with him till Tuesday I couldn't bear to leave him. My poor little boy, he was so tiny yet big at the same time. He looked just like me but his hands and feet were just like his daddys. Im so proud of him he was so strong and im so glad he held on to meet us.

olivertheoctopus Sun 17-Mar-13 21:38:48

Oh you poor poor thing. I am so sad for the loss of your little boy. I hope Tuesday goes as well as can be expected. xx

Lyndaloo Sun 17-Mar-13 21:40:27

So sorry for your loss Frills flowers

stargirl1701 Sun 17-Mar-13 21:44:17

So sorry for your loss. X

piemistress Sun 17-Mar-13 21:46:01

So sorry for your loss, big hugs xxx

TheSecondComing Sun 17-Mar-13 21:49:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahJinx Sun 17-Mar-13 21:50:02

So so sorry Frills, so glad that you got to meet him. I can't imagine your pain, holding your hand though x

ImpatientOne Sun 17-Mar-13 21:58:38

So sorry Frills sad

Wishing you love and strength for Tuesday xxx

Shellywelly1973 Sun 17-Mar-13 22:06:25

Im so sorry. I have watched this thread&wondered how you were doing...

Take care. Sending you love&hugs. Wishing you strength for Tuesday.

Bakingtins Mon 18-Mar-13 07:16:54

Frills I am so sorry. Thanks for updating us, I'm glad you got to meet him and say goodbye properly. I hope that's a comfort to you in the days to come.

MerryMingeWhingesAgain Mon 18-Mar-13 07:40:56

So sorry Frills. Thinking of you and you little boy x

nectarini1983 Mon 18-Mar-13 15:42:45

So sorry for you all. Bless your hearts xx

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Mon 18-Mar-13 15:48:04

So sorry OP.

TeaMakesItAllPossible Mon 18-Mar-13 15:55:58

I'm so sorry Frills, thinking of you, your family and your very Darling Son.

FrillsandLaces Sun 29-Sep-13 05:01:37

This thread is 7 months old now, its the first time ive been back on here since I wrote my last post. Thank you everyone for your kind words. I really appreciated it at the time and reading through it all has made me cry all over again. Thank you everyone you were a lot of help x x x

escorpion Sun 29-Sep-13 19:18:07

bless your heart, sending you so much love your way. How are you doing? x

lighthousesea Mon 30-Sep-13 21:11:55

Thinking of you.

FrillsandLaces Tue 01-Oct-13 00:35:12

Thank you, same as I was when my son died tbh, I had a miscarrige in July so its all gone down hill. But I do have my good days thank you for asking xxx

escorpion Tue 01-Oct-13 00:44:11

Well know there are lots of women thinking about you. You are so strong and brave to have got through this and written about it to help others. x

BlueSkyandRain Tue 01-Oct-13 19:29:17

I'm so sorry Frills. My ds was stillborn at the beginning of April, and I had a mc a month ago. I hope you have lots of supportive people around you and more good days than bad. Take care x

joanna0211marie Tue 01-Oct-13 19:44:13

You brave brave lady, only have admiration for you, so sorry for your loss xx

FrillsandLaces Tue 01-Oct-13 20:25:06

Thank you everyone, Bluesky im so sorry about your little boy, I bet he was beautiful. If you ever want a chat feel free to pm me x x x

I found out Im pregnant again today, im so so pleased and petrified at the same time. Every little niggle has me worried but I know im bound to feel that way now. Im only 4 weeks so its very early days yet x x x

LittleTulip Tue 01-Oct-13 20:33:59

Oh Frills been reading this thread and your last post has really made me smile! Many congratulations have everything crossed from you.

I'm still in the early stages of a loss.. My little boy was stillborn 5 weeks today x

LittleTulip Tue 01-Oct-13 20:34:25

Crossed for you not from!

BlueSkyandRain Tue 01-Oct-13 21:16:15

So so pleased for you Frills, congratulations smile. Can imagine the mixture of emotions. I have been thinking about whether to try again as I know how hard I would find it. I thankfully have other dcs, was talking to them today and they'd really like us to try again so think we prob will. But it is so scary, isn't it?

LittleTulip I'm so sorry you're walking this path too. It's such early days, you must still be in such shock. please do tell us about your little boy if you would like to. My loss was caused by the placenta coming away with no warning at 36 weeks, I lost a lot of blood and my son was already dead when I got to hospital. He was so beautiful and looked just like his older brother when he was born.

If either of you want to have a look at the rainbow babies thread there are many women on there who have suffered this kind of loss too, it has been such a support for me. Will have a look for the link but its in the conception section (ttc after stillbirth). There are some ladies on there who are pg and others who are trying, but all have some understanding of the grief and fears and all the other emotions.

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