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What's next?

(5 Posts)
hypnotisingchickens Sat 03-Nov-12 07:02:03

I started spotting on Thursday so went for a scan at epu yesterday morning. I thought I was 11 weeks, but found out that the baby had no heartbeat and had probably died at 9 weeks. sad.
They managed to fit me in for an erpc yesterday afternoon and I was back home and in bed by 6pm.
I obviously feel sad, and like yesterday was completely surreal, but can anyone help with how I might feel next? I know that sounds silly because everyone deals with it differently, but are my hormones likely to hit me like a train in the next few days? DH is meant to be away with work and will stay at home if I need him, but I don't know what to say. For now I feel ok, but I don't want to be on my own with DS if things are about to get a lot worse.
Thanks a lot for your advice.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Sat 03-Nov-12 07:32:56

Hi Hypnotisingchicken.
Sorry to hear that you've been through this.

Practically, you may feel extremely tired for the next couple of weeks. It may be that tears are not far away for some time. Shared childcare is helpful I think as if your DS is small as you may find looking after him overwhelming.

You may also start to lose a little discharge from your breasts particularly in the shower. If you don't touch them it will soon go.
You might bleed for some time too, if you do talk to the EPC.

I found it very helpful to have my DH around, for both emotional and physical support. It sounds as though physically you are recovering quickly but grief can be very tiring. You may want him around so you can share the experience and he can support you.
You may also feel grief for several months and this is entirely normal.

Personally I would have wanted my DH around but It's an individual thing and no option is wrong.
Take good gentle care of yourself.

MrsJohnDeere Sat 03-Nov-12 09:58:05

So sorry that you are going through this.

I can only tell you how it affected me. I had an ERPC two weeks ago (MMC discovered at 12 week scan, baby had died at 6 weeks, and I had no idea - felt/looked very pg). For the first couple of days I felt ok but spaced out, mainly because if the anaesthesia in my system. I had almost no bleeding, but lots of stomach cramps (like really bad period pain). Paracetamol didn't touch it, but codeine worked well. Panadol Night Pain was a godsend for the first few nights. wink. I felt sad, but not overly emotional, more stunned really.

48 hours later was when the emotional side of things really hit. Every little thing made me burst into tears (burning the toast, anyone saying nice things). I was a blubbering wreck for a couple of days, tbh. I had been warned by the hospital that this would happen, and they weren't kidding! I think it was a combination of the anaesthetic coming out of my system and a surge in hormones.

I spent most of days 3-5 afterwards in bed or lying on the sofa under a duvet feeling sorry for myself blush. I also got an infection at 48 hours post-op so felt really unwell with that and needed anti-biotics, but I know that's the exception rather than the norm.

A week later I felt physically fine, just very tired, and have felt very tired even until now (2 weeks post op).

Be really gentle with yourself, don't try to do too much, and take as much help as you can get. I'd told only two people that I was pg. but I told more about the miscarriage and their support was invaluable.

hypnotisingchickens Sat 03-Nov-12 10:27:23

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful messages.

Physically I feel like I'm doing well, little bleeding and hardly any pain, so I'm really grateful for that. I'll see how the next 24 hours go emotionally - I'm under no pressure to go back to work, but wonder if keeping busy might be best for me, I just don't want to be a snivelling wreck when I get there.

Hugs to you both, hope you feel better soon.

Countmyblessings Sat 03-Nov-12 16:42:50

Hypochicken - I'm so very sorry for going through this is just horrible as said before I had a MMC only found out at 12 scan!!!
And I was on a roller coaster of emotions as for a while the pregnant hormones are still in your body as its still thinking its pregnant and that's why it didn't expel the baby naturally!!
My body was all over the place and I didn't feel like doing anything! Washing, getting out of bed, even talking to anyone and the support from my DH was just great he was my rock when I just acted like nothing else mattered! Also joining threads like this one really helped!!!
Only you know if you will need help, support from DH!
Take care & rest up, be kind to yourself! X

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