People telling you they're pregnant

[cosysocks]

DS's best friends mum told me today she was pregnant. Our babies would have been due together. It hurt so much, I will see her growing bump and everytime I will think about my baby.
how do I cope with this?

[quoteunquote]

you have to turn it into a positive,

try to see this physical beacon, as a maker, you can think each time you notice this child,

hey my ......... would be that age now, that is where my gap is,

you are allowed for it to feel as if there is a hole, it's terrible hard to be a parent to a dead child,

when I look at my friends beautiful daughter born at the same time as my son(died later on) , I get a slight pang, I can see where his place was,

her daughter is often in the same classes as my two younger children, who probable wouldn't be here if their older brother hadn't died,

It never goes away, but it does change into something special and positive.

[birdofthenorth]

OP my best friend is due a week after I would have been and another friend on the same day. I look at their bumps and want to cry. I see newborn babies the same age as I first miscarried child would have been and want to cry too! I am yet to work out how you stop thinking about your own loss whenever you see them. DH told me to tell myself BF has a balloon not a baby up there which is ridiculous but occasionally manages to make me smile not cry! I love her and am so happy for her (& she's actually been great to talk to, probably as she loves her own bean & can't imagine losing him/her) but it's the reminder of the development that could have been that trips me up.

I have not been much help as still in the middle of this myself but I do empathise- you are not alone

[cosysocks]

Thanks for your replies, sorry for both your losses.
Quote I read your post last night and was thinking about it as this has really upset me I couldn't sleep. I really think you sound lovely and so strong and I hope I can get to a place like that sometime in the future.
As it is at the minute I felt like I was coping okay, but this has really thrown me and I feel so fragile still.
birdofthenorth, it must be so difficult having your best friend being pregnant. My BF has just had her ds and I think its been difficult for her to know how to behave around me.

[birdofthenorth]

Actually yes I think it's been as hard for my BF to celebrate her pregnancy and enjoy making plans etc knowing what I've been through as it is for me to watch her growing bump. I know she is gutted we can't be enjoying healthy pregnancies together and is as sad for me as we both are happy for her.

I think the "getting over it" process is a bumpy one OP. Some weeks you are doing fine, then something like a pregnancy announcement, an insensitive comment or even a storyline on tv will through you. That's ok, though, you know. There's no deadline on feeling sad, and no pressure for a linear healing trajectory. Hope you have a DP, friend or parent you can gush to when you need to. Failing that, keep posting

[januarysnowdrop]

Oh poor you, it is horrible. I think you have to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling and acknowledge (to yourself and others) that it's really really hard. Which you're obviously doing by posting here. But Quote is right - in the long term things will work themselves out somehow or other, and I've gone from feeling upset and angry and crying a lot and sort of raging against the unfairness of the world to actually getting a strange sort of - not pleasure exactly - but a positive feeling nonetheless, from having the occasional reminder of the babies I've lost to miscarriages when I see cousins/friends with children the ages that they would have been. Of course it still makes me feel sad, but it's nothing like the awful raw pain of early grief.

What you're feeling now can't last forever: it will eventually turn into something else. You'll never forget a miscarried baby, but then you wouldn't want to.

[cosysocks]

Re reading my post from earlier. It was hearing the news not your post quote that upset me. Reads wrong.
I do have dh I can talk to who has been fab. Just got my period so I think I maybe hormonal on top of everything.
I really do hope I can get to a point where I can be ok...and I know I will be, just feels a long way off.