miscarriage experience

[hugahuddy]

i thought i'd share my miscarriage experince. as my pregnancy started to go wrong i found amazing strength in the experiences shared on mums net. i hope it's useful to share, it's realistic, not pleasant but it's a chapter that is now over and i can move on from with some hope for the future.

i started bleeding, passing clots and having period pains last tuesday. should have been 12 weeks, gp brought scan forward to the thursday. it wasn't normal size and no talk of heart beat. was booked for another scan the following thursday to confirm. at this point we were 90% sure this pregnancy wasn't going to be successful and we were upset at the loss with a slight hint of hope occosionally. we rationalised a loss most likely happened if it wasn't healthy and developing well.

on sunday night (after bleeding and passing some clots for 1 week) blood went from dark red to bright red and was getting stronger period pains in waves in the evening. on tuesday passed a lot more clots and blood in the day, thought i had miscarried naturally. on tuesday night severe pain started in waves again and lost a lot of blood. pain was too bad to endure at home and lost so much blood i was white as a sheet and felt close to passing out, went to the gynae dept at the hospital and got pain relief, morphine and gas and air, it was upsetting to have gas and air as it was an experience i thought i would have in labour, however the pain relief was welcome. went on a drip to replace fluids.

dr examined me and removed a large amount of clots, contractions stopped after that. stayed in hospital overnight. was feeling better and not in pain, hoped it was all over. had another scan which showed products remained in my womb, i was gutted, scared of op or medication to suffer more. dr said not much there so suggested medication. i was scared about the pain i'd had the night before, however took pills with paracetamol, was uncomfortable with period pain and bleeding on and off for a few hours but nothing like the pain of the night before, once i'd passed more clots pain subsided and i slept well. was released from hospital the next day, no pain, good support from the staff. light bleeding now but generally feel OK.

throughout it all i count my blessings, my dh has been truly wonderful beyond belief, i'm grateful i had time to come to terms with the loss before the physical unpleasantness kicked in, i feel so bad for people who suffer later losses in pregnancy. one nurse caring for me had a 40 week still birth and went on to have a son afterwards, i can't get my head round the strength needed to do that, i admire anyone who troops on in the face of adversity, some worse than others. it has been a hec of a roller coaster but i feel like i'm nearly out the other side now.

i feel nervous about thinking about trying to conceive again, yet on the other hand i feel even closer to my husband in sharing this challenge i am stubborn that i would like us to start a family and i don't want this experience to stop that dream.

in between all this on the sunday my sister gave birth to her second dd, i thought this would be hard but i felt very close to her and she gave me the baby to hold and bond with in the hospital and i felt very special, it's her baby and i am happy for her and grateful i have a loving family, both her children are from IVF and a lot of effort so am so happy for her and welcome the distraction, don't want attention and pity laid on me. christmas is a good focus, get a tree, ger some presents sorted and see friends and family.

time off work was a pain, i haven't said why i'm off work yet, will have had 7 days off in all. expect to be back next tuesday. i can get emotional unexpectidly at the moment but would welcome work and normality setting in. i think we will try for a family, or at least think about it in a few weeks, so if anyone else is hoping to conceive in 2012 lets keep everything crossed and i wish you the very best of luck, no one said it would be easy but i know having a family will be worth it all

[nocluenoclueatall]

Thanks for posting huggahuddy, it's hard to share these experiences, but I'm going through this right now and no one, NO one speaks about how truly awful the physical side is. As if you loose your baby, you have a cry, try again and all is well. It isn't. I really appreciate your honesty and that you've tried to help someone else (me, as it turns out) by sharing it online.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you as well and I really hope you can have a good christmas where you can reflect on what's happened to your family and gather some strength to face next year.

Pregnancy and childbirth can be so hard, but there are so many happy stories of people who've carried healthy babies to term after miscarriage / still birth. I hope you can find the courage to try again. You sound like someone who'll be a great mum.

Sending a big un-mumsnetlike hug to you. Take care of yourself x

[hugahuddy]

hi noclue, i'm sorry to hear you're going through this too, how are you? i felt i'd like to know what to expect. thank you for your kind words. i'm currently an auntie to 3 gorgeous neices and really enjoy time with them, i really hope i can carry a pregnancy and i would try my best to be a great mum, it would be a wonderful privaledge. you take care too. x