Miscarried at 7 weeks, any advice?

[Gillybean2010]

Hi. I don't know where to start really. I miscarried yesterday, after I began bleeding on Monday morning, I was 7 weeks with my second baby. I knew there was something wrong (I had bleeds with my first), so went in to the gynae ward monday afternoon, where they did two internals, and found that the neck of the womb was closed.

The bleeding got worse on Monday after coming home from the hospital, so I called back in, and was told that it was likely to be because of a cervical erosion and the internals would have aggravated this. The nurse told me to look out for soaking a pad in an hour or less, or clots appearing. I felt ok after I spoke to her; what she said seemed to make sense.

Tuesday morning I woke up with blood on the bed, and it just wouldn't stop coming. Called into the ward again, and again I was told that it would be the erosion, and an appointment was made for the EPC for Wednesday for a scan. Thing is, as the morning continued, the bleeding got heavier (not to the degree that I was soaking a pad in an hour though) and I began clotting. Then the cramps started, with incredible back pain. Called in again, and was asked to come in, where they did a scan, and we were told it wasn't good news. The sonographer said it was good news that there was nothing left in the womb though, so I didn't need surgery.

To be honest, I was ready for them telling me that, but I feel so completely empty. I don't know how to move on from this either. My husband is great, but I just feel so alone. does anyone have any ideas or guidance? I feel as though I'm never going to get over this, and that I must have done something horribly wrong. I keep thinking back to Sunday when I felt ok, and that all was well. I'm feeling very raw, and I'm finding it hard to keep myself together.

I'm so sorry for the long post. I haven't miscarried before, so I'm on this rollercoaster ride from hell right now, and don't know how to deal with it. I was depressed a few months back, and now I feel that I'm back to square one. I feel terribly selfish given that I already have a beautiful son, and this was my first mc. They suspected an ectopic at week 5-6, so I had a scan where they found the sac; a follow up scan two weeks later found a foetal pole, but again I measured at 5-6 weeks. My husband reckons that there was something wrong from there, but I can't help but think it's my fault. I know that so many mc are unexplained, but the not knowing is killing me.


Anyone have any words of wisdom? I'm really desperate, how do I move on from this?

[ShowOfHands]

I'm so sorry.

At the moment you don't have to do anything. It's brand new and incredibly raw. You have to let yourself feel all the things that you're going to in the coming days and weeks. It's okay to be angry or sad or numb or any other feeling in between. If you do feel like it's tipping over into something bigger then please see your GP.

I promise you it's not your fault. Miscarriages in the first trimester are sadly very common indeed and while most women never, ever find a 'reason', you can be assured that there's almost nothing you do day to day that can damage a viable pregnancy. I hated it as a platitude at the time, but the pregnancies that end spontaneously do so because there's something wrong and mother nature deals with it in the horrible way you're experiencing.

Look after yourself physically. You lose quite a lot of blood and on top of feeling emotionally vulnerable, you can feel fairly weak. Take some time to recover physically.

And talk talk talk. MN was brilliant for this and hopefully you have some lovely people in rl who can help you.

[kat2504]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It does come as a terrible shock and it is so hard not knowing any answers. I've been there twice and I do second the advice to just take some time to look after yourself. Let yourself feel how you feel for the time being. No matter how many children you have, it isn't in any way selfish to grieve for the baby you have lost. You haven't done anything wrong and it most definitely isn't your fault. As your husband says, the signs were there that the pregnancy wasn't viable, so nothing you could have done differently would change that.

In time you will begin to move on but right now it is just too soon to do that. Take each day as it comes, keep talking to your husband about how you and he are both feeling. Don't worry about keeping yourself "together" for now, let others look after you whenever possible.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best for your recovery and future ttc

[Gillybean2010]

Thanks so much for the kind comments, and helpful advice. I think that in the fog that's descended around me, it's hard to see the light. But thanks so much for taking the time to get back to me, I appreciate it so much.

[sunchild77]

I'm so sorry Gillybean, I've been there too, and its really so horrible, you feel so raw and empty. I remember just feeling like my body had tricked me. The advice the others give is spot on, and there is nothing more I can add really. . This isn't the end of ttc.Just look after yourself, and take it slowly in all sense of the words..

[Catsycat]

Hi Gillybean. I was very sorry to read what had happened to you. I had a mc a month ago, and like you describe, felt I would never get over it. I felt as though I would never smile or laugh again, and that I would have this horrible sadness inside me forever. I felt selfish, as I have two lovely DDs, and felt as though I was ungrateful for them. Every time I looked at them, it reminded me of what I had lost. I felt guilty, as though I should have been able to protect my baby from whatever happened to it, and apologised to DH repeatedly for the mc. I felt as though I had failed as a woman, and my body had let me down.

I too had a suspected ectopic (turned out to be a cyst) and a scan at 5 weeks, which showed a sac only. A scan at 7 weeks showed a gestational sac and yolk sac. All this time, we were being reassured this was normal by the EPAU, (though Dr Google was telling me otherwise). At 9 weeks (20th june), the scan showed a foetal pole, but only 5 weeks size, and we were finally told this could indicate a problem. I mc just over a week later. Although I had felt there could be a problem, I think nothing could have prepared me for the shock of losing the baby.

Afterwards, I had no choice but to take one day at a time, and I found that it did get better. There were wobbles (cushion throwing tantrums, crying fits, not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, sheer exhaustion, etc) along the way, and I leaned on DH a lot, but overall things went in an upward curve, mood-wise. Now, I still feel sad that I lost my baby, and I think that will be a small part of me forever, but it isn't the crippling sadness I felt at first. I can smile and laugh, and really enjoy my children once again. I am able to treat the guilt as the irrational thought it is, when and if it rears its ugly head. I am lucky that my cycle seems to have returned quickly, and DH and I both feel ready to try again, though I think we will both see this (if we are lucky enough to get pg again) as our fourth child, not our third.

This is how it was for me. Everyone is different, but I found things just did move on, without having to push myself. I hope you will soon start to feel better, however terrible it seems at the moment.

Take care x

[Gillybean2010]

Catsycat, what you've said feels exactly like how I'm feeling, and I think our experiences seem very similar. The ectopic turned out to be the corpus luteum (which I got bad pain from at times), and my scan at 5 weeks only showed the sac, and I was dated at about 5-6 weeks...2 weeks later, and there wasn't much change to be honest, we didn't see much else than the sac, and the sonographer picked up the foetal pole.

I remember thinking at the time that things didn't look right, but hoped for the best. It was only after miscarrying that my husband admitted that he felt the same, and that all didn't seem well.

I too have been apologising all the time to my husband. I feel like I've let him down (even although he constantly tells me it's not my fault) but the guilt's there. I keep looking at my son, and thinking about what could have been...it's heartbreaking. Like you also, I think that when we come to trying again, if we're lucky, it'll be our third child, not second. I honestly think that I will carry this with me forever.

Right now, I'm taking it one day at a time, as I don't see any point in looking forward. Its easier to concentrate on the here and now I guess.

I can't thank you enough for your post. Although its heartbreaking that anyone have to go through this, I find it comforting to know that the feelings I'm experiencing are normal, and not just me. thanks so much, I appreciate it loads.

[Catsycat]

Hi Gillybean, I'm glad if my post helped a bit. When I was going through my mc, I found it comforting to talk to other women who had experienced this kind of loss. I have a few friends who have had similar experiences, but MN was really a lifeline for me. Come back and talk if it would help.

Take care x