mmc - should i go to work whilst i wait for it to happen?

[Jan9ne]

Hello all,

Found out yesterday that my baby stopped growing 5-6 weeks. i am just over 8 weeks. Have had two prev m/c at 6 weeks and my body did all the work. It seems not to be the case this time around. I had a private scan yesterday and have hosp appt tues.

Should i go back to work until the m/c actually happens?

I feel very calm and unemotional which is weird.

Any words of advice would be great

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss :(

I think it's up to you. I couldn't have done, I hated the thought that things might start at work and I was about an hour and a half from home. In the end I went for the ERPC so that was over with.

[Jan9ne]

Thanks GwendolineMaryLacey, how long did you have off altogether?

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

I had a week off. Has the diagnosis on a Friday and the erpc on the Monday. Went back to work the following Monday. With hindsight it wasn't long enough. The first few days after I wasn't too bad but by day 3 or 4 I crashed and found it really difficult to pretend nothing wS wrong.

Did anyone at work know you were pregnant?

[Jan9ne]

Just a couple of people - had to tell the bosses why i may not be in on Wed

[creamcracker]

Hi Jan9ne sorry to hear of your sad loss

I found out at my 12 week scan that the baby stopped growing at 5-6 weeks. Like you my body was still clinging onto it. However I had to wait another week for them to give me confirmation of this (as they said they wouldn't necessarily hear a hb at that stage, even though I knew the outcome as I was sure about my dates) then I had to wait another week for an ERPC. I did not go back to work between this time as like Gwen I didn't want anything to start at work and I was bleeding a little by this point. I then I had the ERPC on a Monday and went back a week later. I felt I needed that time both physically and emotionally. Don't feel pressured to going into work and request the time if you feel you need it.

[wellieboots]

I wanted to go back to work but DH wouldn't let me and I am glad I didn't - I found out at 12 week scan on the Wed, had ERPC on the following Mon, and didn't go back to work until the following Mon. The doc said I shoudln't go back any earlier, and the GP would happily have given me a week or two longer if I had wanted it.

So sorry this has happened to you , much love to you and hope you are being well looked after

[LittleWhiteWolf]

I had my ERPC on Friday and obviously was off today due to the bank holiday. I'm also signed off work for the rest of the week by the hospital. I had thought on Friday that I wouldn't need the time off, because like you I was detached and unemotional. That all changed on Saturday. I've also been suffering with quite a bit of pain so I'm glad for the time off.

Its entirely up to you what you do, of course, but I personally wanted the surgery to "get it over with" as I didn't feel I could move on until that had happened. I didn't like the idea that my stupid body hadn't noticed my baby had died 3 weeks before and I hated to wait for it to get it together, for goodness knew how long. I didn't trust my body, really.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this

[deemented]

TBH it can all happen very quickly, and i wouldn't want it to happen at work.

Whatever you decide i hope you find some peace.

[igggi]

My time off work has ranged between a week and four weeks.
I would find it really hard to be at work before the mc had actually happened, but I can see for peace of mind work-wise why some people might need to go in. Your calmness may or may not continue of course. Sorry for what you're going through.

[bigbumum]

for me, i found out at 6 weeks, but didnt naturally mc till i was 13 weeks. SO a long time, i was off work in this time as i was heartbroken and a mess in my head.

Ive had 5 mcs all in all, for some i was off for about 4 weeks, but for one, i had the mc on the Friday night and went back to work on the Monday.

I kinda got used to them!

[LIG1979]

hello jan9ne,

so sorry about what you are going through. wanted to give a quick post as that was me about 3 weeks ago. i spent a week off work. i was scared of what would happen and if it happened naturally whether i would be able to deal with it. after a week - i decided to go into work more for my mental and emotional wellbeing and the need to feel 'normal' again, but made sure my DH could pick me up if needed (i live 45 mins from work), i was armed with sanitary towels, painkillers etc. and my boss knew that if it did happen i would leave without warning. in the end it didn't happen but being at work really helped me keep my mind off it - however, i was incredible emotional and i know that if anything had gone wrong i would have been very tearful. (Even last week i was very tearful at my car failing its' MOT which normally would not bother me much.)

For me i was around 9 weeks but the embryo was 6 weeks with no heartbeat and whilst waiting a week for a scan to confirm that the baby wasn't growing i did miscarry. It was however very undramatic and less painful or bloody than a normal period (albeit very long one) - i was shocked when i went for my second scan and they said it had happened on its own. (i did however get quite a bit of blood before the scan but at the first scan it was all intact.)

good luck and don't worry too much about work. even though I have been in it has been more a case of turning up and doing the minimum! x x

[Jan9ne]

Thank you all for all your support - it really helps. Had some bright red bleeding this morning which i hope means it will happen naturally. Feeling a lot more emotional, the calm bubble seems to be bursting. Off to the epau now for a scan and for them to decide the best course of action. I will let you know how i get on xxxx

[Jan9ne]

Thanks LIG1979 - i was in a bit of a fug this morning and didn't read your post properly.

Had scan - pretty much same as saturday. HcG levels risen a tiny amount, no h/b. They won't confirm m/c just in case i have got my dates wrong (i totally haven't plus it's 4 weeks since i tested positive) so have another scan fri 13th (i figured the bad luck's already happened!) to confirm it really has failed. Hoping i will m/c naturally in the meantime.

Waiting to hear from my boss as to whether or not i can go to work tomorrow. Don't know if there are any health and safety implications. I am a teacher so don't want anything happening in the middle of a lesson.

[Figaro82]

Hi Jan9ne,

Sorry for your loss and I know what your going through. I found out last Wednesday at my 12 week scan that our baby had stopped developing at 10 weeks and had had a mmc. I decided to have an ERPC which I have tomorrow.

I have not been in work since and will not be back till next week (the bank holidays helped). I didn't react very well emotionally and I don't think I will be to great after the ERPC, but I will want to get back to work to take my mind off of it next week. I think it depends on where you work, how understanding your work are and how you feel. I was worried that I would miscarry on the tube!!

[Figaro82]

P.s. I wish you all the best and hope it all goes ok x

[Shelbury]

I am in the same situation, found out this morning at 10wks+6 that I miscarried at around 5-6 weeks. Can't believe this has happened as I had 2 successful pregnancies previously. The hospital won't see me for another week, in case my dates are wrong (they're absolutely not).
I work 2 hours from home, my first reaction earlier was that I would go to work, but reading some of these posts maybe I should stay at home and put my feet up. I think I might be getting some very slight twinges so hope things might start of their own accord.

Sorry for everyone's losses x

[kat2504]

You should most definitely not even think about going to work. Firstly for emotional reasons - you have just lost a baby and you need to take it easy on yourself at this time and allow yourself time to work through your feelings.
Also, if you are worried the mc will happen naturally then that could begin at any time. That would be an absolutely awful thing to have to cope with in the workplace, or on your two hour journey. I'm very sorry for your loss, I know how hard it is.

[PieMistress]

I had a recent (and still ongoing) miscarriage. I decided to wait it out at work and i'm not sure why. I didn't want anybody at work to know and as my line manager was away I didn't want my absence out the office to be more noticeable. I know it's utterly stupid really but I just didn't/don't want people at work to know. A close colleague has had 2 mcs but i'm not ready to talk about in IRL at the moment and I think she would be really upset for me, and bring back awful memories for her.

I had a scan on Monday to tell me the baby was only 5 weeks when I knew I was 7 but because there was only 2 weeks in it the scan was 'inconclusive' and because i'd already been spotting for 4 days had to 'see what happened over the next week'. I returned to work upset but carried on and left sharpish for home. That night I passed 2 large clots (one of which I think was the sac but I didn't see it) and since then it's been like a heavy period.

I've been at work each day as it helps me get through it at the moment. As soon as i'm not at work i'm a bit of an emotional mess!! I broke down on the phone to the health centre today whilst making an appt with my GP for Monday (when i've got a re-scan at the hospital).

Am so sorry for your loss Jan9ne and everybody else on here that has suffered this indescribable pain x

[Jan9ne]

Piemistress you are very brave going through all this at work with no one there knowing. It must be so hard.

I haven't been in to work at all this week. Loads of bleeding and then, like you, Monday night i passed two large clots. It was quite painful, i guess the cervix opening and the cramping is what was hurting.

I was going to go back in to work today but have been feeling pretty awful. This morning i felt so dizzy and sick plus had diarrea (scuse spelling) that i went to see my GP who was absolutely so lovely and signed me off til end of next week and said if i needed more time or counselling to go back to the surgery. He has also got me an appt at the recurrent miscarriage clinic which i have just posted a question about.

I feel bad about taking time off though as it's the third chunk of time due to pg loss. My work are very understanding but it doesn't stop me from feeling guilty.

I am still losing lots and lots of blood and i feel really tired and look about 150! Emotionally i still feel sort of numb about the whole thing. It hasn't properly sunk in in a way i guess.

Thanks so mnuch to all of you for your comments/advice and i wish you all the best and hope that none of us have to spend too much longer in this part of mumsnet...

[Mrspositivity]

Dear Piemistress

So know how your feeling , I miscarried a week ago tomorrow at 3 months and 3 days, my 2nd Mc.
I totally understand your need to return to normality (or is it avoidance?) I decided that I would 'man up' and just work through my first miscarriage and if I am totally honest it was probabley the most stupidest thing I have ever done. Aside from the issue of crying all the time which could only be compared to a really bad acceptance speech at the oscars,it was quite a diversion from the emotions which I so wanted to avoid. My advice would be negotiate return to work with reduced hours. I think trying to wade through is not benifiting your emotional return to health or really your work, would you be at your most productive if your mind is not 100% on your work?
It's 7 days and I am still cramping (you're not going to out do me!) Have your tried the Miscarrage association, it depends how you deal with groups and sharing experiences, but I rang them up and they put me in touch with a local group. It kind of helped me to hear about others experience, although you do have to remember everyone is different, just because someone suffered 4 ,really does that mean you will too. I did worry it could be like an AA group,but really it's women doing what women do best. Chatting. And if this sways you, they have choccie instead of biscuits. There was a really good reason for this but I forgot why.
I don't know about you ,but it's late at night when your mind just slips in some unhelpful guilt trip that it is the hardest. My therapist ( I am so Mariah Carey) suggested listening to the radio, it takes away the mind from the negative. (just make sure it's a boring play not some playlist from Ibiza).
Be strong sister and maybe one day we can be the ones posting questions on how to get over sleep deprived nights and maybe just be that little bit thankful because we had to struggle alittle bit harder to embrace that being .