early MC - my first - I just need to tell someone that this happened

[babylanguagelearner]

A couple of days ago I started having a MC at 5 weeks. It is of course very early. I have 2 healthy DC's. This is my first MC. We had only told 3 people we were even pregnant.

There is so much going on in the world where people are suffering. There are so many other mums or want-to-be-mums on here who I can see suffer much worse, I am horrified to read some of the posts in this topic. I know how lucky I am and I feel quite philosophical about the MC - just one of those things, not meant to be etc. BUT in brief moments I look at my DC's and I feel very acutely the sadness, knowing by looking at them just what we have lost. And I just need to find some ways to acknowledge that, even for a brief time, this new life had begun. And now is already ended. Otherwise it starts to feel like it didn't even happen.

I use MN a lot but I don't post very often. I have been reading the experiences of so many people on here and it is such a supportive community that I just wanted to wade in on this occasion to share my experience.

[Albrecht]

Sorry to hear what has happened. Have also had a very early one and now have dc1. It is strange to look at him and realise what might have been.

Take care of yourself.

[ifitsnotanarse]

I'm very sorry to hear that. I know how you feel. I had 2 mc's between DS1 and DS2, first at 6 wks and second at 12 wks. I was devasted at both but felt guilty for being upset at first. I only told one other person at time apart from DH and never really grieved. Not necessarly crying all the time but acknowledging that I was pregnant and now I wasn't. Everything fell apart afterwards, trouble getting pregnant again, hated work but then made redundant, car stolen, put on weight - everything just got out of hand. Second time I told more friends and collegues and it was easier to cope with. I took 2 weeks off work (best boss in world) and cried on and off for that time. It really helped me come to terms and I think that helped me to get pregnant again 3 months later (took 15 months between first and second mc).
I'm sure that you had made plans for your baby in that short time and now feel robbed. Doesn't matter that it was only a few weeks - your body was preparing for this baby and you may still be feeling hormonal. My morning sickness had just started with the first and lasted for another 2-3 weeks, which made it worse.
Sorry don't mean to waffle. Hope this helps.

[babylanguagelearner]

I am sorry to hear of your experiences also. Thanks for sharing them, and for reading my post.

[greasychip]

for you babylanguagelearner
Look after yourself and make sure you do what feels right to you. It is important to acknowkedge the loss in the way that is right for your family, whether that be big or small.

[harassedinherpants]

I'm so sorry for your loss babylanguagelearner, I've just mc'd last week also at 5 weeks and it's no less valid a loss. Unfortunately I also had a mmc at 10wks in Jan, so this second one has hit me hard.

For my mmc I had some bits: booking in notes for mw, hospital stuff from erpc and I've put it all in a box, but this time like you I have nothing to show for it and that's made it harder. At some point I'll buy something to signify my two lost lo's, but I can't decide what at the moment.

Don't rush yourself, grief is a process and you have to work through it. This is a website recommended by another lady on here, and one I've found really helpful: www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz/ourselves.html

[babylanguagelearner]

I'm so sorry harassed for your losses. I am sad for you. We decided to plant a new tree for something of significance. It feels nice that I'll be able to look at something to remind me, but it will mostly be a private memory for DH and I to share with each other.

I have found it very interesting to reflect on something - at my parents recent 40th wedding anniversary celebrations, my dad was looking back over their marriage and making special mention of all their kids including a baby they lost in an early MC at about 6 weeks pregnancy - he got all teary (he is a sentimental thing!), even 35 years later! I was very touched by his emotion, even more so now when I am now having this experience. I guess it is just another way I can validate that it is a real loss, even if it was a loss of something that was not really here for very long, or in any tangible sense.

[babylanguagelearner]

harassed thanks also for the website which I will look at

[hairylights]

Take gentle care. Suffering is suffering is suffering, there is no 'more' nor 'less' about it. My pain is acute, your pain is acute, the fact that one of us has had less miscarriages doesn't make thei pain less.

Give yourself time to grieve and I wish you well.

[misssunshine77]

hi this is my first post i am so sorry for your loss. i have mc today at 5 weeks and i know it's very early and i count my blessings for the 2 dc i have. but i can't stop crying i feel that when i look at my dc i know what has been lost. it was over before it began.:(

[greasychip]

misssunshine
Difficult times, please take care of yourself and do what feels right.
Thinking of you.

[babylanguagelearner]

misssunshine77 I too am counting my blessings, but there is no denying a certain "flat" feeling I am having while I process the MC, even if on an intellectual level I accept what has happened. So I guess the advice of giving ourselves time is very good advice. Just because a pregnancy was brief does not dictate how swiftly you need to process it and move on.

I am grateful for the words of others who have posted. It's not that I feel I need permission to feel sad for the loss, it is just nice to have a forum to talk about it with supportive people.

Take care of yourself. I am sorry for your loss.

(Also, in re-reading my original post - in no way do I mean to imply that someone who has only had one MC should feel less pain than someone who has had more than one. I agree totally with you hairylights - your post sounds exactly like what I would say to someone else in my position! Thank you for saying it to me. Why are we so bad at taking our own advice??)

[misssunshine77]

hi girls
thanks for all your kind words i guess the old cliche is true time is a good healer and i guess it will for us all. but i will always remember my angel

[Diamondsamdrubies]

I am miscarrying at the moment and feel all the emotions you girlies are talking about. So so sorry to hear of what you've been through, Babylanguagelearner. Hope you can take time to feel your pain and take it one day at a time. I rushed back to work on Monday, thinking if I buried my head in the sand it would feel less real. However, taking some time out from work as of yesterday: both Dh and I. We are still waiting for sac to expel. It feels real now. We are grieving for our baby: can we really put ourselves through that again?
Ifitsnotanarse: any tips for us ladies who can't see the wood for the trees- how did you manage to carry healthy pregnancies after the miscarriages? Did you get any help from the medical profession, or did you let nature take its course? Only asking as hearing a lot about brazil nuts, progesterone, aspirin and lots more! Doing things through the medically assisted route would give us peace of mind if we were to ttc again, otherwise it'd be a scary prospect after what we've been through.

[babylanguagelearner]

Diamonds, I don't have any useful advice for you on the specific questions, but wanted to say sorry for your loss. I am glad you are taking some time to process things and I hope that you are feeling better about things since your post a few days ago.

[OracleInaCoracle]

Im sorry all of my mc's were at the 5-6w mark and you still grieve.

you plan your child, you imagine giving birth, holding your baby, feeding him/her, taking them to school. you plan their lives very early on and you are entitled to grieve for that loss. i second the miscarriage association. keep talking and be kind to yourself x